So,
this past week was the one-year anniversary of Steve getting sick not really
knowing what we were to expect in the upcoming months this time last year, and the
thought never crossed my mind it would end up as it did. Paxton went back to
school last week two days the third day was a complete struggle!
I’ll
save you all the details but if it boils down to him feeling like he didn’t
belong at school when he went back, he had people wanting him to play ball
which he didn’t want to play for good reason. He had teachers and students
treating him with what he thought was pity and he just wanted to be treated
like a normal kid who didn’t want people feeling sorry for him because his dad
passed away. And I don’t blame him. Long story short a friend suggested maybe
he just needed a change.
And
with that suggestion and asking Paxton his input on what he wanted to do he
chose to switch schools for his eighth-grade year. I may have cried a little in the registrars office at the school he has been at since Kinder, but I told myself that our circumstances changed, and if I have learned anything in life, we don't always get what we want or expect, we learn to adapt and move forward. A fresh start, people who
don’t really know what happened to him, people who are either going to like him
for him or not. Not just because his dad passed away and they feel sorry for
him. Teachers who are going to put expectations on him like they would any
other eighth grader. And that’s what I think he needs. He may have to have
taken on this year with a uniform, a haircut, and shorter breaks throughout the
year from school as the school year schedules are different. But now he doesn’t
start until August 8 he will be at school with his two of his best friends. They
know what he’s been through but don’t treat him any differently than they did
before. And next year they will all be joined together at the high school
again, with the 4th in their quartet who is already there.
Paxton decided he is giving up on the Cubs, they have literally now traded everyone he liked, even Wilson Contreras. So, he wants to re-do his room. I only have his room and the guest room left to have everything freshly painted in my interior. I told him in order to do this and re-decorate he needed to go through all his drawers, closet and under his bed and get rid of everything he doesn’t use or wear and donate it to someone who will. He agreed.
Long story short, I decided to put some travel bags from his closet to mine, I climbed over the baby gate from my bedroom to bathroom keeping the dogs from eating the cat food and ended up somehow looping the strap from the duffle bag around my ankle and lost my balance tossing me forward, grabbing the sink on my way down to break my fall. I then drove for almost 3 days making my Ortho appointment for when we returned. One displaced oblique fracture of my left-hand pinky finger later, that requires surgery to try to have it heal not crooked but with no guarantee, I opted for the crooked finger, less risks from surgery, avoiding my $3500 deductible and went with the annoying inconvenient splint that I cannot get wet, dirty, or sweat in…. hmmm last time I checked we live in Arizona, and I sweat just stepping out of my house, making dinner, do dishes, etc.! Obviously, they don’t understand what single stubborn mom who lives on a ranch and needs shit to get done and has a high pain tolerance entail! Oh, and has a girl’s trip with some besties planned for two weekends for wine country and some paddle boarding at Dead Horse State Park. Well, my Dr. appointment and my paddle boarding trip are only 2 days apart… so let’s just say I am not rescheduling my trip… I am a 43-year-old woman who is going to have a crooked finger no matter what, so I am not going to let it stop me from having fun! But ok, I did fit in a morning paddle board adventure with my friend and SIL before my Dr. appointment yesterday… so obviously I can paddle board with a broken finger.
Good old Facebook, a puppy popped up in my feed from a Catahoula breeder whose page I had liked back when we got Ryker 4 years ago. A puppy who looked very much like Piper when she was a puppy and immediately, she stole my heart. I told myself I didn’t need a puppy, especially since Paxton (prior to Piper disappearing) was getting a lab from my friend Audrey’s litter in September to train as a duck hunting dog when they are ready to go to homes. Who in the heck needs two puppies…? I pushed the thought out of my mind until I dreamt about her that night. So, obviously a sign that I needed her right? Steve passed away and I had Piper, his princess dog to cuddle with me at night and poof she disappears with no trace and I am alone. $100 deposit later and a few phone calls/texts and we had a plan. (No one ships dogs above 85 degrees, so that was not an option) Needless to say I was thankful that school now starts August 8th, my teacher neighbor didn’t start work until August 1st which allowed us friends to tag along on our road trip adventure to Iowa, that we completed passing through 9 states, covering 2844 miles in 68 hours, 2 quick hotel stays, that came with lots of snacks, lots of laughs, potty breaks and discovering our favorite truck stops, that apparently Casey’s has the best pizza, the Missouri Welcome sign is a complete pain in the butt to take a picture, and where not to go in Albuquerque to avoid your 12 year old being solicited to buy pills at the circle K. It was a short trip including lots of crazy, lots of fun, and making cherished memories for both kids and moms! So good for the soul.
I wasn’t sure what this year would bring all these firsts happening. I know I say your happiness and your reactions are in your control but sometimes the emotions just come, and you can ignore them or deal with them as they arrive to avoid future frustrations if you ignore how they make you feel at the time. There is no rule book, it is trial and error, no one can live our lives for us or tell us what to do. We just must make the best decisions for us, based upon our situation and the information we have, try to remain patient with one another and enjoy what we can when we can. I don’t know that there is necessarily a right or wrong way to do life, as long as we keep pressing forward, hoping to fulfill our purpose, and perhaps relating to and/or inspiring others along the way. What we chose to have and do at our home, looks great from everyone else’s, they can't live our life for us. Just remember to do you, be you, and enjoy you.
When you are in your own lane
there is no traffic- Ashley Frank
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