Mamas this is for you.

Alright Mamas with multiple children, I have absolutely no clue what you are going through, at home with all the little's. Honestly, having one at home, who hasn't seen a single friend in a month, hasn't practice baseball with his team, played any tournaments, gone to school, bored out of his mind and slightly unmotivated to do too much is weighing heavily on questioning myself "am I parenting correctly right now?" "Am I being too lenient on bedtimes, and screen time and eating habits? "As I have said before I am not really a routine person to begin with. "Do I suck as a mom?"
We tried the list this week that allows him to plug all the things he needs to do into a day in a time line chart as long as he gets it all done.. Have I made him stick to that everyday... Ummm! Guilty... NOPE. I self talk if I am ruining him or teaching him bad habits, by going swimming at 2:00 yesterday when he should have been reading, or letting him play PlayStation for an hour longer than I had originally told him he could so I could just make dinner and not argue over dog poop that needed to be picked up! Is this teaching him to be able to get out of things in the future? Hell, I don't know, I am just doing what works at the moment for the situation we are in. Day, hour, moment at a time philosophy!
Remember those instruction manuals for this Covid-19 thingy are still on back order I guess!
No matter what you are doing right now, how you are handling this situation, the things you are letting your kids do you normally would not if they were in a normal setting going to school everyday in person, etc... this is only one chapter of your life, one season and one period! No matter whether you are stuck at home all day long not working, or you are an essential worker and still trying to juggle the kids, being the teacher, the mom, the spouse, the cafeteria worker, PE instructor, recess monitor, sibling fight ring arbitrator, sports coach, confidant, religious educator...etc , Don't over think it. Don 't judge yourself, do the best that you know how to do, as a mom, wife, friend, daughter....etc. Be available to listen to your kids, talk to them about how this is affecting them, how do they feel? We have absolutely no idea what is going on in their little heads, and if you have more than one kid, look out, just as they are all individuals they probably all have a different story playing in their head!
 Give yourself the Grace that God has given you, to let Go and let God! I beg you no matter what, take a drive by yourself, lock yourself in the bathroom, closet, etc and take at LEAST 10 minutes a day to be still and focus on you! Tell everyone to go away for 30 mins and paint your nails, read a book, work-out, take a long shower- apply a face mask, journal, make a list of all the things you are grateful for, walk around the block by yourself, and ask God for patience, love and kindness toward your family, even if you are working all day and exhausted when you climb into bed at night! By your 10-30 mins a day focusing on just YOU, they may even be better for it! In order to take care of others, we have to properly take care of ourselves! I promise these little's will not be ruined! I had a good friend tell me once that your kids will always be the most forgiving of you while they are growing up, you are their ROCK... make sure that you take care of yourself to be able to fulfill that title. We may think it does but no amount of Wine, Alcohol, Food or other "outlet" can replace the amount of peace you can feel in your heart, when you can be still in the presence of God and rejuvenate, refocus and renew yourself.
I look at my parenting skills right now as giving Paxton the ability to pick when he does certain things during the day is empowering him to be a caretaker for himself, prepping him to make decisions on his own and giving him a little more leadership skills. Bending my own rules or changing things up from what was "scheduled" that morning, is teaching him to be flexible and perhaps not so routine that he has a hard time altering things or accepting that change happens! I don't know if I am doing this right, are any of us? But I have to have Faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the lessons learned and the knowledge gained and the experience as a whole will be a notch on his timeline that will help shape him into the amazing adult that I know he will be one day in the future!
Everyday cannot be perfect but you will find something perfect in everyday!
Faith is the friend that comes along when things seem to go all wrong.
Be you, do you, and accept you.

Let your light shine

This Easter week has been a little battle in my head mixed with emotions of fear, anxiety, sadness, worry, hope, joy, and peace all wrapped up in one! I can't even imagine what Jesus was going through the week before His death and resurrection! Can any of us? I bet not!
None of us know what the other is dealing with internally! This whole experience is so unsettling, not a single one of us could have been prepared for what it has done to us, our family, our friends, our sanity! The every day changing rules on social distancing, what is acceptable, what isn't, what is essential and what is not! Missing our families, our social activities and our well-known routine lives! What an absolute disruption in what we put our trust in day to day! The people on a daily basis finding themselves unemployed, pay checks cut, or those that are working twice as hard as essential workers- those who are not "staying home" because they are needed. Those people are risking their lives and the lives of their loved ones everyday trying to stay employed but needed for the rest of us to continue living!
 If you just remember to do the best you can, take one minute, one day and one week at a time, some days may be better than others, some days you may get so much accomplished and have the best possible positive attitude for the future and some days you may just want to watch t.v., eat, drink and cry and plain feel blah and exhausted even mentally! But just don't make the latter your routine!
You do have control of how you act and react, and being positive actually takes less energy and trains your mind to be healthier and happier. Being stressed, depressed and judgmental can statistically cause your immune system to weaken and you be more likely to become sick! So even though we all deserve an occasional pity party we can control how long that lasts and what we need to do to snap out of it and move on!

I notice from social media lot of us are sitting at home complaining about our situation, being bored, not being able to go anywhere, teaching our own kids, eating and drinking too much and being annoyed by our spouse or children! Some of the posts on FB I see I hope are just in true fun and to be funny and make light of the situation. But I know deep down that some people are feeling this way, some feel burdened, some feel overwhelmed, some feel depressed and anxious. Is any of this wrong! No way! But it may just train us to be more appreciative of those we previously took advantage of.
As many different individual personalities that are out their, there are individual reactions!
All day long you can say how someone should respond, feel or cope with what they are being faced with. But the reality is everyone wears different shoes, everyone is different that is the way God made us! What a boring world if we all thought, acted and reacted the same!
Have Grace for everyone around you, just as God has Grace for you! Be kind, be forgiving and stop judging others or assuming they have ill intentions or shouldn't act or react the way they are... because guess what they are NOT you! Be supportive, encouraging, loving and humble.
All the commercials saying we are #allinthistogether although starting to seem all little over the top to me sometimes... the saying holds true! This is happening Globally, definitely differently to everyone out there, but to everyone nonetheless.
I may not be able to choose my circumstances right now, or control them, however, I choose to enjoy my family, because when else in my lifetime will I have such an opportunity to spend so much time with them and not be rushing from one thing to the next. I choose to enjoy the quiet and focus on how I can help others. I choose to be still and silent and frame my mindset. I choose to take advantage of working on all the projects I always say I never have time to do. I choose to reach out to as many people as I can, connect to those I haven't in awhile because of my lack of time and brighten their day, you never know when that random happy thought can really change someone else's day for the better or is needed at that exact moment. I can choose to make the most of the situation I am in and help it to teach me to grow, slow down and appreciate the little things we sometimes pass by on our way to all the things that make us busy. I can control if I am exercising, what I am eating and drinking and how I behave! Sometimes the eating and drinking desirable things is definitely comforting... but long term I will not be happy with the outcome, so moderation is what I need to practice right now for my best possible outcome!
What is one thing you can do this week to brighten someone else's day? Think about it and act upon it! You never know who may need what you have to offer.

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24)

Your biggest Cheerleader

Disclaimer: Most of my blogs are not this "religious or deep in meaning" however, sometimes I need to pursue a deeper connection with why I feel so compelled to write and share my stories with others, most of the time I like to keep the spiritual portion to a minimum as to appeal to more people when I dish up my daily experiences and get those readers to connect or to feel more like they can relate to a story and are not alone in their thinking or acting! Please continuing reading until the end and check back often if this one isn't for you. My purpose in writing is to share with others what my mind absorbs and sometimes it just may be a little more "churchy" than others.
When I was growing up I always looked forward to Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. I loved going to church to collect my palm branch later turning it into a cross or braiding it and keeping it displayed for the next whole year somewhere in our house. We lived in Indiana, you didn't quite see palm trees on a regular basis, if at all unless you were vacationing somewhere warm.
At my age it seems like such a trivial thing to have gotten excited about, especially since I am not really sure at the time I even completely knew what it signified, sure they were fun to receive and make into something and all my friends were doing it... lol.  From the bible stories I learned in my church education classes I could picture Jesus riding into a big town on a very small donkey as people crowded around on either side waiving palm branches at him, sort of like a one-man parade.
Did I realize that palm branches are a symbol of pride and victory, did I understand that him riding in on an unbroken donkey colt instead of a white horse, symbolized that his victory was to bring peace between man and God not a victory over a nation. As an adult and owner of horses, I do now know what it means to ride in gently on an un-broke horse- horses/donkeys/mules take careful training to be able to be ridden when they have never been ridden before! How significant that this man, this leader could climb upon a baby untamed donkey and just ride like he had done for years.
Many people through Jesus' miracles trusted he was the prophesied Messiah, many thought he was a fake and others thought he was too powerful, they were afraid and jealous and wanted to put a stop to him threatening their rule over the nation. Those people killed him within the week of him being honored as a humble king.
This the whole time was in God's plan, was it what Jesus as a man wanted to be the result of his existence, probably not... can you imagine being sacrificed for the greater good of everyone else? None of us are that self-less. WOW! Just WOW that this man was.
When he was put to death on the cross, a plan that he knew from the very beginning and a  huge undertaking that only he could partake in, to save the sins of the world. But the human in him still cried out on that cross, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me."
Do you ever feel like a task you have is just too big, expectations of you are just too much and you are just plain exhausted. Do you ever push back from some nagging feeling of something you are suppose to fulfill but you just can't possibly think could get done, your energy is so low and you just want to give up? Maybe no one believes in your goals and you feel unsupported and defeated. But I will tell you God is there, cheering you on, willing to give you what is needed to move forward, even when no one here on Earth will. You just need to reach out to Him and pull Him in your corner, let Him in your circle and trust the He will stay if you let Him.
Never will you experience something as BIG as what Jesus did, however, sometimes we have a nagging on our heart strings to serve God in some way or to make a change, but our fear, our doubt and our supposed limitations get in the way. This is God calling on you to do something for him, something bigger, something you may think is unimaginable, something we cannot do by ourselves.... but believe me, with His help and His guidance anything is possible. Let Him guide you through it, it may not be easy but it may be part of a bigger plan you never thought imaginable, not only for you but those around you. Learn to trust in Him and the results will follow according to his Word. Can it be a scary experience? Sure, will it be worth it in the end, you betcha, can we possibly imagine the extent of the outcome? Maybe never... but I am a firm believer that everyone on this earth has a purpose to fulfill no matter how small before they can be rewarded in eternal Heaven.
Take this week to reflect on what you truly want out of life, how you can use your skills and talents for the greater good of humanity and what steps you need to take to fulfill those internal desires, what better time to reflect, to be still and to listen to what God has planned for your life then being placed at home hopefully a safe place for you to restore your connection with Him and His desires for you.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. - Psalm 23:2-3 NKJV

Grace under fire

Yesterday had it's ups and downs. As parents we already don't come with a rule book, and I have never really been much of a routine person and if you follow my blog you know this is definitely true. I thrive off of a whim and don't often stick to a schedule. Maybe because of the nature of my job where things can change at the last minute, fall through, come up and be rescheduled, or maybe I have just always been that person.
I can stick to a diet or a work out plan for a little while and boom something else dangles that carrot in front of me... busy at work making money to provide for my family, baseball for Paxton, my chores at home... a change in schedule, an errand to run etc.
My hubby and I argued over how much time Paxton was online playing games with his friends yesterday, and because he was home more than he usually is during the work day yesterday, he saw that the only thing he seemed interested in was this! He did not see every other day this week, the bike rides we took, the chores we did, the homework we tried not to get frustrated over! One of us can have the opinion that he hasn't been to school, seen his friends or played baseball for a month give him some social interaction even if it is for most of the day, the other may see it as laziness. Is there a right or wrong answer I don't know. He finished all his school work, he has been getting outside, in the pool, helping with chores just yesterday why not just do whatever. I was working on other projects and frankly I didn't care what Paxton was doing. A friend of mine said since all of this some days her family all go into separate rooms and do their own thing. And guess what that is totally OK! Who is judging us anyway, and if they are I would like to see their perfect little set up... no one is perfect so I can't imagine it would look all that inviting.
Am I enabling or hindering him... who is to say. It is already hard to know how to parent, to always agree with your spouse and be on the same page and to juggle all the activities, chores, responsibilities and expectations at any age and to throw this Corona Virus complete with uncharted territory and unknown outcomes in the mix and boom, disaster waiting to happen being cooped up practically 24/7 with each other and all your different personalities. My outlet has been roller-blading and spending more time with my horses.  Maybe his outlet is playing games with his friends. Steve's is definitely working on projects non-stop! Paxton has no siblings and so even though I was pretty dead set against gaming online previously, I am so glad that I allowed it. He has even been facing timing some of his buddies to keep in the loop. He needs that. Even if some days it is most of the day.
Do I think his lack of motivation for doing other things like baseball and more outdoor activities during the day is going to become the new norm, I really don't think so. Can any of us really judge our kids or each other for how we may be reacting or handling this current state of emergency situation? I believe NOT. When in our children's life after this whole pandemic is declared safe, will they ever have the chance to just be a kid? To not carry so many responsibilities, expectations and weight on their shoulders as they become adults with busy lives... Live in the present I say, with some structure if possible.
Now I am not recommending you let your kid play video games all day, eat whatever they want from the pantry or fridge and totally make all of their own decisions- I am not telling you to say heck with it and cave into their every little desire (don't worry after yesterday's outburst we did agree to make a schedule, with his input, for this coming week); I am just advising you to take it one day at a time, be willing to change it up, make alterations and adjustments and give your kids and spouse and anyone else who needs it that extra added amount of GRACE, that is needed for us to get through it! Do you even know how much GRACE God gives us on a hourly and daily basis! You probably couldn't even start to calculate it! So why can we as humans extend even a portion of that GRACE to the people we love. Some of us know what self-talk we are playing over and over in our own heads, is different or similar to our loved ones self-talk, we don't even have a clue what others are going through in their heads! None of us have a crystal ball and know when this will all be better. Take this time to enjoy each moment and each day and pray that you will be a better person because of it. Don't be quick to want to get everything back to normal! I think that is the point, our normal is so skewed from media and society and false expectations this experience is bound to change many people and alter the dynamics of just about everyone.
Write down your list of things you are grateful for each day, this will keep you in a positive frame of mind, remember to thank your family for contributing, maybe now that many people are eating together more and more, pray as a family at dinner (if you were not already doing so) go around the dinner table and have everyone just say 1 thing they were grateful for that day (there is always something to be grateful for) and watch your family grow, change and respect one another more and more through this time! This is bound to move into other relationships and situations in the "outside your home" world we will all live in the near future. Maybe the world will become a kinder, gentle and more appreciative place.
Will everyday be peachy... I highly doubt that, and that is OK, don't forget to give yourself GRACE, this ins't a Hallmark movie, but you will be better because of the patience you had, the grace you gave and the love you shared.

Grace is the atmosphere created by love that makes faith the only reasonable response. -Bill Johnson

Trials, Tribulations, Triumphs and Papa

Yesterday I turned 41. My day was really not what I expected. I had mixed emotions not only from this crazy pandemic the whole world is going through right now, but from loosing a cousin to Covid this past week at only 64 years of age, reminiscing about my grandfather who died on my 14th birthday, the one you know that was so involved in everything when I was a kid, who fished with my dad, worked on his boat in our barn, took my cousins and I camping in their little RV, made it a point to come to softball games, school performances and just plain supported my every move. He and I shared the love of writing, poetry among other things. 14 years wasn't really a huge part of my life, but it was a huge impact of who I am today. Losing my dad at 14 as well, my mom at 35 and the list goes on and on. I remember on my birthday that year, I was busy doing my math homework and we had just finished dinner, they were working on dessert, strawberry short cake- It wasn't my favorite and I don't remember why I picked that, but I clearly remember what we had, what I was doing and where I was sitting at the kitchen table when the phone rang. I said mom, that is about grandpa, you answer it, and it was. It was my aunt to tell her he took his last breath. He had been sick with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma for years, but it just finally caught up to him. He was my buddy... Fast forward all these years later. All the things that have happened to me in my life have been a notch on my time line of life. All have made me who I am today. I pray that the things I have seen, the things that I have learned, the people I have come in contact with and the trials, tribulations and triumphs and molded me into the person that all of the people I have lost can be proud of! I want to serve others and make a difference.
For any of you out there there is no right or wrong reason to handle this situation we are going through, I have empathy for those who are sick, those who cannot work and those who are on the front lines during this scary time, putting themselves and their families at risk!
Now more than ever we need to band together to pray for one another... to be good role models for our kids who are home and fighting their own internal battles, who have been ripped from their everyday norm, their friends, their schooling, their sports, their recreational time, their teachers, their group hobbies the list goes on and on. Don't make them feel unwanted or like they are bothering you, embrace them, their annoying habits, their laughter, their joy, and their quirks! This means they are alive and healthy and here, they will go back to school eventually and you will miss them, I promise.
For those of us who can see the silver-lining... this is the time where we can bond with our family more, work on all those projects we always say we don't have time to do. This is the time to reflect on what is important and what is just busyness in our schedules. Don't look at this as a punishment but as an opportunity, this isn't just happening to you! Yes everyone will be affected in different ways, yes I can be scared for my future while still trying to remain positive, yes I can laugh, I can cry and believe me yesterday, even though I was showered with many posts, calls, texts, drop by gifts and showed how much I am loved, I still shed a few tears, more than one time. I am a woman and I can be emotional!
Life can be uncertain, overwhelming and hard! But it is what you make of it! None of us are perfect, none of us can have our "happy meter" on 24/7. But we also cannot dwell in the future which is unknown... you can spend your whole day laying on the couch, watching Netflix, afraid of what your future holds, or wallowing in how unfair it is of what you can't do... or you can focus on what you can do and make a difference. Connect with people you haven't spoken to in awhile. Truly listen to how they are doing, send that text, make that phone call, show your human connection even if it isn't face-to-face. Save a portion of your day to pray for other people who this is affecting.
Please do give yourself the grace to have that lazy Netflix watching, popcorn eating, glass of wine day. But don't make it your new routine. Organize your office, partake in that paint project, put your photos in those albums, work on that puzzle, create something, build something, work out and get in shape!  When this is all over, you will be thankful you didn't focus on the why me!
This experience will be what you make of it. New things will come, dynamics will change, what is important to you will be reflected in how you come out of our current situation. Be the light for someone who is in the dark! Develop new habits and don't automatically turn to "when things go back to normal" What is normal and was it really the best for you? Reflect on your dreams, goals and what your purpose is... everyone has one or you wouldn't still be here.
Be grateful for what you have no matter how little it is. The more you focus on the positive, even with the occasional pity party, the greater contributor to society you will be when you can get back out there and shine in person!
Has my 41 years here on Earth gone the way that I anticipated? Hoped? Expected? Hell no! But it is how I chose to deal with what I am handed that has allowed me to thrive, in any circumstance or condition. Surrounded by my family and friends, my support system and number 1 my belief in God who is there for me no matter what I am going through, who I can talk to whenever I want, pray for my needs and allowed his grace and mercy.
Do I always get what I want, no, but His ways are not are ways and our needs are not always what we think.
Go forth and be your greatest YOU!

To this day, although sometimes difficult, I try to weigh all the negative situations by finding the good they have to offer. This, I believe, is what has kept me going and will enable me to succeed well into the future. That and the pleasurable memories of a fun-loving grandfather who was my hero and friend.

Dani
Hustle Bustle
Hurry Scurry
Never Linger
Never Tarry
Get it Done
On the Run
Hurry Up
Don't Slow Up
Never Stop
Only to Give a Kiss
To Papa
-Carl Duney

She Taught Me That

My son has a fear and anxiety issue when it comes to certain things. As an adult sometimes we forget what it is to be a child and how real their fears can be.... or have we? We often blow off their over-the-top fears as silly childhood worries that could never possibly happen... scary fake stuff they see on t.v., the fear of someone stealing them in the middle of the night, the fear of someone hurting them, the fear of being laughed at, the fear of failure to the extent that they won't bounce back, the fear of dying, the fear of loosing loved ones, some of this will happen and some of it never will. As parents it is our job to minimize their fear with out belittling their fear if you know what I mean. It is "real" to them.

Over the weekend we went up to the cabin with some friends and the boys were exposed to a show that us adults were watching about some crazy phenomenons where these "stick people" came up out of the ground and were walking around. They were a little freaked out and laughed about it the next morning... but really the affects of these things are real. Last night Paxton's fear was real, he was super upset and wanted to sleep with us. I could not get him to realize that not only was this a silly notion and not real, that he was protected by God, looked over  by my mom, his Bushie, from Heaven, protected by his very in-tune with what is going around him- watch dog Ryker that sleeps in his bed, but he wouldn't have it. He was truly scared. In my adult mind it seemed so silly! However, I knew to him it was real. We prayed, I sang to him, I told him a happy story... nothing seemed to be working. And then I remembered how my mom would relax me when I couldn't sleep...a technique I don't use often enough.

 I reached in my soul and pulled her out! She may not be here to physically help me or answer the questions I have... but she is still here. In me! She taught me a lot and I can summon her goodness, her love, her example any time I want! The technique I used worked! He was relaxed from head-to-toe as I poured peace and love into his little body laying next to me in his own bed, he took his finger to his lips, told me he felt calm and I could stop talking now.. 

As adults we still have fears, fear of death, fear of loosing loved ones, fear of failure, fear of not fitting in, of disappointing someone, fear of finances, fear of getting hurt... and on and on! When was the last time someone helped us calm down with such a simple relaxation exercise... I can do this for myself, I can bring relaxation and peace, I can call upon God to protect me and my parents to watch over me and pull them out of my soul to remind me "do not fear." You got this. You can find peace and happiness no matter where you are, you can control your thoughts and calm your mind! Yes, yes, you can. 

Thank you mom for all those years of exercises that you taught me that I can use to help my son combat his fears, I hope that what I am teaching him he will be able to use someday for his children... whether I am here or not to help his children calm their fears. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are feelings that all of us have from time to time, it is how we deal with those feelings that make us strong and  courageous individuals! 

I saw this posted the other day and it made me think wow that is profound. As I climbed in my attic to get down all the Christmas stuff this morning I wrangled up my hubby to help. Normally I do this when he isn’t home and only ask help for a few big things I can’t handle like the tree box. But thought this could go a lot quicker with some help! 

As he stood below the stairs while I continuously handed down items, boxes, big containers, wreath bags, multiple trees, etc. He probably thought it was never ending.. WTF.. 

His patience was impeccable and never once did he complain or tell me I had accumulated too much stuff. He asked once how many more and I immediately flashed back to my mom and how many things she had and decorated for Christmas. When i was frowning up our house was always decked out! In and out and she loved to decorate, make wreaths and centerpieces and everything always seemed right with the world when she was decorating and we got to enjoy it! 

 Some people may think it is overload. I had my own stuff when she died, I inherited some of her stuff and gave a lot away because I just didn’t have places to put it and I was also rushed to get her home packed up and moved, I made a lot of quick choices when deciding what to keep, sell or give away. Some things I probably should have kept but they were just things. 

The best things I kept where not physical things at all but the gift and inheritance I see in myself is her LOVE of Christmas and what it represents. One may think some of us go overboard on the decorating bit! I think differently.

I feel this decorating “obsession” represents the JOY of the Season. The LOVE of Christmas and symbolizes Happiness, Thankfulness, Gratitude and puts us in a mood of Cheer! What better trait to inherit from someone I love who has left this world for a better place than the Love and Appreciation of Christmas and our Lord and Savior who gave his life with Mercy and Grace so that when we pass from this world we have Eternal Life in Heaven with him and all those who went before us! Merry Christmas! Choose Joy, Create Happiness and Spread Love. 

Unfamiliar Territory Equals New Opportunity

Paxton chose to try out and switch baseball clubs this Fall after playing for the Paladin Knights for many seasons .. he left the kids he knew and the coaches he was comfortable with even his dad as coach- he asked us to try out and made a team where we have a lot further drive, the cost is more, and he basically knew no one except for a few kids he had seen at clinics and camps- but he was begging us to try out and we let him. If I have the means to give my kid an opportunity I will help him pursue his goals/dreams, even through some sacrifices. I have always been a team mom in a small town where I am comfortable and thrive on building relationships around what I know. I was nervous as a mom if I would fit in with all these new baseball moms in an area outside my comfort zone... I am sad to say I miss my baseball moms from our previous teams, which those relationships built will never go away, but I am pleased to say that these new moms welcomed me with amazing grace, acceptance and new friendships that have blossomed. Remember sometimes things can be scary, sometimes things may or may not work out according to plan but God has a plan for us that puts the right people at the right times in our lives for reasons we sometimes may never understand and being open to change and new adventures along our journey in life makes it a lot easier to accept what is put before us.

With Team Dinger, Paxton ended up with an organization who compliments what we were already used to with a bunch of great men teaching kids the tricks and trade of hard work and perseverance through baseball. His teammates are great kids and new friendships are forming for this chapter in his life as well. 

Paxton’s coach Ash won the Teeter award of Excellence from AZ Playball yesterday at the Pony baseball banquet! He is a great influence for these young men and deserved it to the fullest! I can’t even describe the effect he has on these players through his calm yet lighthearted and spirited composure. They seem to naturally play as a team with not a lot of push from any one source and many of them had never even played club ball before let alone with each other. They are currently 21-2 with one last tournament in December- they have won 2 Championship rings and they brought home the trophy for the Championship in their Mustang Division with Pony last weekend. 

It was a pleasure to share in this moment, as their coach was honored for his humble efforts. 

Fellow baseball mom April Nelson Moloney gave a speech and said all the things us parents feel about why this man is making a difference in our son’s lives through baseball with his passion for the game and his demonstration of life skills through his coaching style. 

Life is hard and sometimes change isn’t easy and sometimes it is downright scary, but I believe Paxton made the right decision for him for what he needs at this point in his life. And no matter where he plays and who he plays for I pray that each and every decision that is made leads to a chapter in his life where he is needed the most or where he can be best influenced during a specific time period, that will lead him to excel and do great things with the talents God has given him and the service he is meant to pursue. He may or may not make it to the MLB, which has been his goal since age 6 as the statistics aren't necessarily in his favor, but we would never know if he doesn't try and we don't support him! I can only hope that the lessons he learns and the friendships he makes last a lifetime beyond his career whatever that may be! 

We don’t meet people by accident, there is a reason they are in our lives- And someday we can say... thank you for your part in our journey... you made a connection that made the difference, no matter how small. 

Having a Funeral for Perfect

If you are anything like me there’s a lot of noise in your head at any one given time.

 We often run worst case scenario’s over and over in our minds more than best case scenario’s. Sometimes we make up things that other people are thinking about us saying about us or reasons that something goes the way that it does, especially when it comes to pleasing my family! I admit I am a people pleaser… sometimes this is a strength and other times it is a weakness. I just really crave people being happy! Often it is a mission for me…

 More likely than not, we have absolutely no idea what someone else is thinking we just like to think they’re thinking the worst-case scenario. Mind you I’m very rarely thinking bad things about other people. So, I am not sure why I take up time in my mind to think about what they’re not thinking about me. It’s that struggle with self-confidence type of thinking that someone is always thinking negatively about me. I hate thinking that someone is disappointed in me doing something incorrectly or not to their liking. Sometimes that gets me in a heap of trouble at home when I automatically think someone’s thinking something that they’re not. It can really make me defensive, moody, and sometimes just not pleasant to be around. Even though there’s nothing for me to feel this way about I create an illusion in my head to often justify the negative things I am thinking about myself… the whole negative self-talk scenario.

This morning I had great intentions of getting a lot accomplished and everything falling into place trying to prepare for a trip to go out of town in less than 48 hours. What all do I need to fit in, buy, pack, get ready for my house sitters, take care of the animals, clients etc.! Let’s just say life happens and lots of stuff went wrong this morning, but not a single thing was that BIG of a deal, but still got short with my kid on the way to school and ended up crying. It’s so easy to get inside my head and try to figure out things I could’ve done better to make it have worked out any way other than it did. However sometimes shit just happens. And it’s beyond our control.

NEWS FLASH- We are not perfect, and it is silly to think we can be or can control what is!

Stop analyzing everything!!!  Sometimes I waste so much time analyzing things I forget about the here and now and the things we can accomplish if our brain wasn’t in the past trying to find a what if. I saw a couple friends running into the grocery store this morning for a few things, and it reminded me that we are all often in the same boat trying to fit in perfect in our lives, time for ourselves and our girlfriends, that woman/mom stress relief time to bond and connect. Over-stressed, overworked and feeling like we must accomplish everything with some impossible deadline instead of just going with the flow. Often God or the Universe has different plans than we do. Stop trying to correct what is supposed to be and embrace it! Move on push forward. Fresh start. Be happy from here.

My friend was telling my son the other day that her and her daughter had a funeral for perfect. Plan one for your perfect… celebrate that funeral and then bury perfect and just enjoy life as imperfect as you are!

Don't Bunt, Hit that Dinger

If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Sometimes change is scary however sometimes change is needed to open doors to endless possibilities that you never thought you could imagine. Sometimes change is the right decision sometimes it is not.  If you have a dream pursue it. It might be a little bit more of a time commitment, a longer drive, more wear and tear on mom and dad’s trucks, longer hours changing or eating in the car. But you’ll never know unless you try. 

In life no matter what you pursue if you’re passionate about something give it your hundred percent take advantage of what’s available to you, no matter how old or young you are sometimes you can never move forward unless you take that risk.  

Here is to a new adventure, a new opportunity and a little sacrifice. 

I guarantee you will do great things my child.

Sometimes we are so afraid of change we are not certain whether it is a good or bad thing. We may be worried of failure... 99% of the time that is what holds us back, the thought of failure or the nagging feeling that someone may say I "told you so". But honestly sometimes doors are open that we should embrace and walk right thru and sometimes doors are open to help us realize what we have is already good and that something "new" might not be the  "what" we should do but shows us what we don't want.
I know I know that sounds two-fold and super confusing! So how do we really know we are making the right decision. I don't know if we do until we take that step sometimes. I try my best to lean on God and prayer to help me make those decisions... Sometimes these decisions are not a permanent change but a stepping stone or a learning experience. Life is a journey you know, and we should constantly learn and educate ourselves...
Recently both Paxton and I have had opportunities presented that may or may not take us to new heights, new experiences and successful pursuits. You might think that door open means that you have to walk through it!
 I am hear to tell you that as much as I would like that to be the case, his opportunity presented him with a chance to make a step in the forward learning and growing process, mine however dangling like a carrot and something I may have had thoughts of pursing in the past or maybe even in the future, just doesn't align with the decision I made this year to lessen my load, to put more emphasis on my true goals and my dreams, writing, riding my horses more, spending more time enjoying my family, watching my son pursue his goals. This "opportunity given would give me a chance to help more people, but it would also make a heavier load that I don't know if worth the trade for time and money. Am I capable of the challenge, you better believe that I believe in myself 100% on this opportunity that I COULD do it, but I also believe in myself to know when it is the right thing to do to say NO. I don't feel at this time I could commit 100% to this pursuit and therefore it isn't fair to those who would be affected.
I do love helping people and I love that God calls me to serve others, however sometimes there are limits as well as timing issues. I am grateful that others believe in my abilities enough to be presented with these open doors, however prayer, talking to people who have done what you are presented with and writing down pros and cons and discussing things as a family, can lead you away from the open door in front of you. And with that I must leave the decision I made and move forward.
If you are not going to give it 100% commitment or you can't, just reconsider doing it. Follow through with your pursuit for the maximum effectiveness.
Don't Bunt.... Hit that Dinger. 

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”

Day 4 of my journey to be a healthier me!

The start to a new week!

 I have decided that nutrition is definitely important! Making better food choices is definitely important! Working out more consistently doing something you enjoy is an energy and mood booster, For SURE! Having a list of go-to foods when grocery shopping and preparing to always have a healthy choice verses a convenient choice at my fingertips. I have never been a soda, junk food or fast food junkie… I just don’t eat routinely, and sometimes I may have a few too many bites when taste testing making sure my meals are savory and well received… also, I think I have mentioned I love to bake things. Banana cake and vanilla bean ice cream are my favorite sugary treats and I love pasta! But I also love fruits and veggies – which when most people “diet” they have a hard time trying to like things they don’t to make changes… I don’t need to be convinced to like those things… just to choose them over the pretzels, the pasta, the brownies and the wine… by the way… the wine isn’t on my toss out list!

This isn’t a change for a while… it is a change forever… but with this change I can guarantee if I don’t let myself have what I want occasionally it isn’t going to stick. I’ll be the first to admit I need to cheat, or I won’t be able to beat this habit of inconsistency. I can commit to working out more! Enjoying the things I like to do like swimming, rollerblading and Pilates and not forcing myself to try things I hate like running or going to a gym.

Let’s be real people, I am not interested in lying to myself and completely switching to flour free, dairy free, sugar free, mayo free lifestyle! I just can’t do it! I was a sickly kid growing up with lots of limitations on what I could eat- My mom sent along my own Sara Lee pound-cake to birthday parties so I could too enjoy something with the other kids as I had allergies to 38 different foods when I was born, I grew out of this eventually and sometimes I blame the lack of control as I developed a better tolerance of these things as I aged ( I say some things still upset me but I don't have the severe reactions I once had)  on what I eat an enjoy on being deprived of it for so many years.  I cannot commit to never eating a piece of pizza or enjoying normal pasta, Dairy Queen, or my favorite banana cake! Committing to change 100% is an automatic set up for failure, maybe I will never be model material (face it guys I am 40 with a short torso anyway! And did I mention I like to cook/bake and eat!) So let’s say I am going to commit to 95% of my week making better choices and 5% allowing myself to have what I want… but tweaking it just a little. Even when eating my healthy home cooked choices which we do most of the week on a regular basis anyway, I just exercise a little better portion control… sometimes I don’t think we realize we eat when we sample, or have seconds… I will take smaller portions and less samples to make sure it is “good”. I will eat consistently so that I don’t eat all day and then eat too much at night!

 When I cheat or go out to dinner I need to remind myself that I can’t ship my leftovers to the starving kids in Africa, so I need to stop feeling guilty for leaving them on my plate to be thrown away, when I am full I need to put my fork down and not eat like I will never have access to this savory food again! I can choose a  small plate of nachos avoiding seconds, 1 piece of pizza and a couple wings instead of 2 or 3 pieces of pizza, I can order pasta and eat 1/3 of it choose a mini blizzard instead of a small- and definitely not ALL of these things on the same day! LOL!  

I am here to tell you if you make unrealistic, unreachable goals for yourself no matter what you are trying to achieve you will not succeed.  I have known this in other aspects of my life and not sure why I haven’t applied it to this one! I am an instant gratification person I want what I want when I want it and losing weight hasn’t been any different, when I get an idea in my head I want to see it out and I really don’t like to wait for results! In some things it great because I don’t procrastinate but in others, I get impatient and tend to give up if the results don’t start to show quickly. I need to take this one day and step at a time and be patient with myself. Instant results don't usually lead to long term results as you can bounce back to your old ways quicker than you can form a new habit!

I am the first to tell you I am an open book, For years in Real Estate I have shared my failures and my successes with those who want get into my type of business… I do not hide anything that has or hasn’t worked for me, because you know what… what works for me may or may not for someone else. I feel like no one can really steal my ideas and show me up or take over what I have worked hard to establish, we don’t have the same personalities or delivery methods, besides there is plenty of business out their for all of us.  A lot of Realtors are super successful doing open houses, I am here to tell you I hate them, I don’t really like doing them and it is not part of my business plan. I do them occasionally out of obligation, because I am a full-service Realtor I do on occasion, however I would find another agent to do them 99% of the time!

 Do YOU! Find what works for you! You will never be able to follow someone else’s plan and make it work for you fully no matter what they try to make you believe! I don’t have the same body type, style, metabolism or desire of the Master Nutritionist I went to see, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take her tips, tricks, dietary choices and discipline and incorporate what works for me in my life. Use your resources, ask for advice, shadow people you look up to, but make sure that you take what you can get, take other’s ideas, learn from those who are successful but with every means possible create your own plan and goals.

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde

Sink or Swim, I'm Diving In.

Hey guys I did a thing this week I decided to finally take control of my life and do something for me. For years I’ve used taking care of others as a coping mechanism for all the different things that I’ve experienced in my life the heartache, the pain, the tragedies- the stress. Somehow taking care of others not only makes me feel like I’m serving God’s people it also helps me defer the problems and issues that I have. But over the years I have allowed it to come first before taking care of myself. All of us know that if we don’t take care of our self first we don’t really have the strength to take care of others not to full capacity at least !There’s so many stories you hear of people taking care of others not taking care of themselves and they end up dying because they didn’t know there was something wrong with them. How awful! And sometimes they die before the person they were taking care of. 

Last week I went to the dermatologist for a check up. It really sunk in with me after them telling me that my skin was healthy but the one thing that stood out was when the nurse asked me what medications I was on. Besides a vitamin for cellular health I take that my cousin recommended a few years ago and the occasional Tylenol and Sudafed, I don’t take any prescriptions at all. This is the second time I’ve been to the doctor recently that has asked me that question and the look on the face of both was a little bewilderment. Actually this nurse asked me twice just to confirm I think that I didn’t forget to mention something. Leaving that office it sunk in knowing that both my parents died young at 54 (at 14) and 66 (at 35) 20 something years apart from each other- That my goal is too far exceed their longevity. As a 40-year-old woman there is no better time than now to start taking care of myself. To let go of all the excuses as to why my career, my family, my household/farm chores and my community come before I take care of myself. Why I can’t work out or take a few extra minutes to make that better food choice! 

Guys I’m not talking about becoming selfish. I’m talking about caring for my body that God gave me to take care of on this earth so that I can carry out what I am here to do in the best way possible. This will allow me to take better care of everyone else which service to God is my passion. I love helping others! 

I’ll be the first to admit that even though I am the one in charge and I know what to do I needed a little help. This week I went to see a master nutritionist who is going to help me get myself back on track. I’ve had a lot of heartache and pain in my life and eating not only because A- I love to cook and B I love to eat I eat when I’m stressed or as a coping mechanism food is good and my schedule can be less than predictable sometimes. I’ll be the first to admit my routine sucks. I’ve never been a huge person who loves routine. And honestly that’s why I chose to be an entrepreneur and not work for someone else. I definitely don’t like those constraints. I love the unknown I love the last minute and I crave new things and situations. 

After last winter of putting in a $40,000 pool and I’ll admit to you this I am not ashamed of how much it cost because I worked hard for it! It is something that I wanted my son and his friends to be able to enjoy for years to come. But why stop there. Why can't I enjoy it! After years of swimming on a team in junior high and high school and a little bit of casual swimming in college, pools became less and less accessible the older I got and the more responsibility I had the harder it was to find the time. But you know what I love to swim and what better exercise to get then something that you enjoy doing. Besides a few late nights with Paxton messing around and swimming a few laps I haven’t “swam” in years! My boys went fishing this morning, I grabbed my Speedo goggles I bought just for me, my cheap Walmart 1 piece bathing suit (I may need to go shopping soon) and a towel. I set my timer, turned on some tunes and dove in swimming for 30 mins straight... I may be regretting it in the morning. (I’ll keep you posted) But I did it for me. And you know what it couldn’t have come at a better time! It reminded me of how much I love it, I miss it and I think I can make it a habit again. 

40 is the new 20 right? 

In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman 

“Sink or swim I’m diving in. “

The complain train is stopping... Get Off!

It is so easy to get caught up in complaining depending on the day or what is going on in your life this can dictate the length of the train. 

Picture sitting at a train track waiting.. the longer the train usually indicates the amount of time you are stuck and wasting your time. 

Complaining can be a huge time waster. Most of the time complaining doesn’t get me anywhere it just temporarily makes me feel better I guess, but does it? Or is it wasting my energy on something negative affecting my otherwise positive mood!? 

The other day I made a post complaining, had plenty of people comment on my right to bitch about something unfair but it didn’t change my situation or make it right. It just caused a negative atmosphere that probably would have continued if I let people continue to comment. But I decided it was enough negativity to spread so I deleted it. 

Sometimes it is hard to get off the train once you are on it thus creating it to become longer as you gather validation by others who join you. 

Our weather here is beautiful eight months of the year and the other four months I catch myself complaining A LOT about how hot it is, then when the monsoons come and it gets humid I complain how hot and sticky it is! Not wanting to go outside and enjoy our otherwise beautiful weather! 

I have to remember that I don’t shovel snow and we are very blessed to have air-conditioning both in buildings, our home and our cars which a lot of other people here and in other countries do not have the opportunity to have. We also have plenty of access to pools whether it’s a community pool a friends pool our own pool where we can dip in and cool off and still enjoy going outside. Yet I still catch myself complaining a lot about how hot it is. 

I was reminded today listening to the radio that there are people in other countries in the 120° weather who are there fighting to protect our country in full uniform with 70+ pounds of gear on their back’s. This was a HUGE reminder to put an effort into complaining less and instead stopping to take a minute to pray for their health and safety- those individuals enduring heat and stress and the unknown protecting me.  

With access to just about anything in this country it’s a wonder why we even complain at all. We are so accustomed to having things at our fingertips that when we don’t or it’s not working out that way we want it to the best next thing to do is complain. If you’re having a bad day take a moment to reflect on those who don’t have the opportunities that you have and just say a short prayer for them to get your mind back on track get off that complain train NOW and be thankful for what you are blessed with even when it looks like others have more, there are others who have less, much less. 

Ephesians 4:29

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Back to school Anxiety for Moms

I think the only thing routine in my life is my morning coffee- and I have even shaken that up a time or 2 giving it up for Lent. I don't feed my animals at the same time everyday, I don't do laundry or clean my house on the same day every week...The point I am making is that I love when things change, I can do anything that I need to do if required, I am adaptable, but I am not a huge fan of routine, I like spontaneity, I like accommodating last minute changes, I crave new things, new experiences and meeting new people!

When the market was horrible and I took a 3 year job that required my same day punch in and out… I got stir crazy, I was unhappy sitting in the same desk and I did everything I could think of to go back to my unpredictable, every changing world of Real Estate and I haven’t looked back. In a nutshell I probably would have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child- but as an adult I can use it to my benefit. I can move from one project to the next and back and I always seem to get things done on time no matter if I procrastinate.  I love to be busy, I love challenges and I am not a routine person. I don't sit still for very long very well, I am honestly shocked that I can enjoy a whole movie at one time. I don't have any particular tv series I follow, I change my hair color often, and when I try something new and get bored I move on without hesitation. Probably why I don’t stick to any work out or eating plans… I get bored, EASILY! That is why real estate is definitely right for me… not predicable, always changing, every situation is different, even situations that are similar have different outcomes- I love balancing different deals, different people and different circumstances. I am constantly working with different personalities! I LOVE it, it keeps me on my toes and I am still helping people, which I truly believe is what I am called to do, Serve Others!

So this year, when I didn’t have a role as a PTA board member anymore, I didn’t have any deadlines to meet, I didn’t have the commitment to get things ready for the beginning of school, or be there to sell things at Meet the Teacher or the first day of school meet and greet… I was not prepared or motivated to get started and honestly didn't even go to meet the teacher, School gives me anxiety! Contrary to popular belief, even though I did well in school somewhat because I was smart and somewhat because the stuff I didn’t get I made a point to do well so I didn’t disappoint myself. School gives me anxiety for my kid as well.

Every year I hear the moms and parents talk about how they can’t wait until their kids go back to school, some are pulling their hair out even before our already short summer is over. I am over here praying that the summer isn’t over, I hate the routine. I love having my kid home! The anxiety of getting Paxton up on time, having to get him to school on time, stressing over getting him to brush his teeth, what is for breakfast, what is for lunch and to get his shoes on and making it out the door without forgetting something- and if I have an appointment early getting myself ready, the animals fed and doing things around the house if need be. Knowing I only have so many hours before he has to be picked back up and trying to fit everything in between. Finding somewhere for him to go if I won't make it home  It totally stresses me out! Some of you are probably thinking I am a crazy person, but I would rather have him home and take him with me wherever I need to go, which most of the time I can.

75% of my life is mostly made up of me making my own schedule, being flexible for clients, having to change things to accommodate others and not really sticking to a set schedule…Believe me, I work hard and most people don’t even see what goes into real estate behind the scenes- but a lot of it I can do when I want, where I want which doesn’t work for everyone but it works for me. So yes, I am that mom that gets anxiety when I must go back to a routine like my kid going back to school…

I know he already hates school and trying to shelter him from my anxiety really doesn’t work. I am not good at hiding my emotions and sometimes my lack of excitement for routine and his resistance to wanting to go to school clash and cause unwarranted arguments, and maybe even yelling before school! This sucks and just causes more anxiety! 

This school year my goal will be to take my mom’s advise of taking 3 deep breaths before reacting, trying to remain calm that I am not going to get my kid to like school no matter how hard I try to get him to see the value, so I may as well just stress less, go with the morning flow and find the positive in my struggles and my anxiety of being late or running behind, because in 5 years  we have never been late even once. 

Who writes your story?

I passed a marquee at a church yesterday and it said "God is the author of your story, stop trying to steal his pen." I am not really a controversal person, but I really don't agree with this statement to an extent. I think God gave us free will, best example, Adam and Eve. I think we write our own story, we make our own choices; however we can do so with God's guidance and help, but we have to ask, we have to trust and we have to believe that he will guide us in the right direction, even if that means failing at times.
To an extent I believe in fate and to an extent I feel our choices create the series of events that happen in our life. If I never chose to go to college in Arizona I wouldn't have met Steve, I wouldn't have had Paxton - I would have a different series of events that have happened to me in the last 22 years.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, and most definitely learning experiences, but not the ones that I had. I got scholarships and I had choices as to where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, but if I would have made different ones, I would be in a different place with different circumstances.  We could sit back and do nothing and hope for the best or we can pray, we can ask for guidance and we can believe in our path and create our future- by taking actions that align with our goals, our purpose and our passions.
You can go through life or you can grow through life (- Chuck Fazio) you get out what you put in.
Don't sit back and let someone else write your story, but don't do it blindly. Have a why, a purpose and a misson/goal, ask for God's guidance and input, and have a plan!
We all have a purpose here on earth, find yours. Associate with people who build you up, have like interests, have succeeded in areas that you want to excel in- Be coachable, be flexible, stop comparing yourself to others, BE YOU and do it well. Make your story count and be confident in your choices. Seek Guidance -
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."- Proverbs 16:9