Faith stronger than Fear

As the saying goes your faith is stronger than your fear. I still think you can experience both faith and fear at the same time. 

This past week has been a lot of ups and downs for me. A funeral of a friend, the anniversary of my father's death, 27 years ago, the air in my truck going out, brakes needing replaced on my husband's vehicle, my washing machine started leaking, our tubs, showers and toilets backed up one night and we had to have our septic pumped, I searched for 4 days for this really awful smell in my garage that made me gag every time I stepped out there from the house (dead toads do not belong in kids mud boots! YUCK), oh and did I mention that I lost my driver's license, 3 debit cards and a credit card at Safeway for almost 24 hours! The stress and pressure, the cost of the repairs, the internal dialogue of how stupid I had to be to lose all those cards, the thought of having to cancel everything, reschedule automatic payments, schedule an appointment at the DMV, the anxiety of wondering if someone was going to steal my identity or charge up my cards...was enough to get the best of me,  but falling back on my faith and praying every single time my fear would creep to cover over my faith. Just like my mom used to pray when  I was younger... she taught me anytime you couldn't find anything, you stopped and prayed. "God bless the item and thank you God for helping me find it!" over and over and over again! I want to say I remembered it worked nearly every time. I have practiced this with Paxton and it really helps put your trust in God that somehow everything is going to be ok, even if it doesn't turn out exactly as you expected. I checked my bank account, business account and credit card statement probably 17 times that day and felt relief seeing nothing had been charged and holding on to that good person who would turn my stuff in! Turns out they did! 

Honestly it all adds up and it is enough to make you want to just go in your room, shut the door and cry a good cry! I am sure I vented, I complained I asked for prayers from others, but I kept going back to my faith! Faith bigger than a mustard seed, faith that things for me through all this crap are somehow better than something someone else is feeling. I tried so hard to focus on what I was grateful for, the positive things, my health, my family, my blessings! And guess what guys those things won! The negative things can come and go, sometimes they pile up all at once, sometimes the seem like too much. Mind over matter! The power of positive thinking, what you think you bring about and all the other things I have been taught can really make a difference. Stop and add up the little things if you collected them in a jar, they would fill it up way farther than those negative things we tend to focus on or give more energy to. See the bigger picture. 

I used to say that God didn't give me anything more than I could handle, but don't know if I really believe that anymore, I don't know that they are from God, I think that life, circumstances, peoples actions, reaction and the choices I make give me those things... God, he is just there to help me through them. 

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are and what you can rise above. - Maya Angelou

School, the NEW Normal?

I decided this week that I am not going to let this school at home frustrate me, to the point I get stressed, loose my cool, scream, yell or forget to be kind and polite, especially to my child who is the one that has to do the work! I decided that I am not going to bash the system, the way the district chooses to partake in school, the model they set forth or any of the above. It is my duty as a parent, one who is in this same situation as everyone else, no our circumstances may not be the same, we may have a different number of kids, our job statuses may vary, we may be home or not, but that doesn't give us the right to hold others responsible for why we have to do school this way. Not everyone is going to have the same experiences good and or bad. But you have to be patient with yourself, with the school, with the teachers, and especially with your kid(s). No one really knows how this is affecting them internally, some kids don't even know how to explain how this is affecting them. 

Someone told me yesterday during the first day of school that they wished they had my patience! I kind of chuckled internally. Believe me it is an internal battle daily!!! I wake up and pray for patience and pray for it many, many times a day I can't even count! But not having it doesn't put me in any better position then deciding to exercise it! As mamas and daddies, honestly we set the tone for our household. When we are upset, when we are negative, when we show signs of hostility toward someone, something or a situation, we set the tone for the rest of our family to follow along that negative downward spiral to a place that is sometimes a lot harder to climb out of then just going with the flow or exercising positivism even when we aren't feeling it at the moment. I am not saying straight up lie, but that sometimes you just need to trick yourself into being positive! LOL! 

Put your efforts into being positive, setting that example, looking at the situation from a different perspective and I guarantee the results you get will be more positive and you will have less frustration in the long run. Pray often, many times a day. Ask for help getting you through, breath in and breath out or just walk away for a minute to gain your composure, reset your mind and recharge. 

Today was the first day Paxton had Spanish class because it is a daily alternating schedule with Design and he had Design yesterday, right about lunch time for him our power went out at our house for the whole length of his Spanish class and a little longer. I could have honestly flipped out got mad at the power company, (it was several subdivisions in our area that went out at the same time) but would getting upset really fix the situation? No, so I chose to just go with the flow, Paxton swam for an hour, the power came back on just in time for him to go to the rest of his last class of the day and that was that. Crap is going to  happen, there will always be an exception to most any rule. Instead of getting mad that he now has to watch the class or make up anything they did today I just chose to go about our business and take it as it comes. Getting upset doesn't fix it, doesn't rewind the situation or allow you to start over. Move on and forward. Be responsible and email the teacher or connect with the school when you have any issues.. Remember good communication as soon as you can will ensure better results. 

Just remember, in my opinion it is our responsibility as a parent to be a part of our child's education. Whether they are at home or at school, there are people who are there to help (you should never have to much pride to ask for help!) The school districts and teachers are doing their best to accommodate everyone the best they can given this situation, they probably will not be able to satisfy everyone's situation even if they try so we cannot expect them to. 

Remember also, 

kids are more resilient than you might think

there is pretty much an exception for everything, 

good communication can take you places and keep you connected and others informed. 

staying calm will set the tone for your family's attitudes and your whole day. 

you may not change the circumstances but your attitude and actions can make a difference. 

Nothing is worth getting THAT upset over,

you can find something good in every situation, 

we are all in the same storm but not necessarily the same boat, 

be kind to others first and foremost, you have no idea what their boat looks like

help others if you are able, accept help from others when you can.
You can Choose your Attitude, you can Choose to be Happy, you can Choose to be Patient!

When Today Sucks

 

Anxiety and Fear are relentless! Do you ever just have an emotionally draining day that you think might never end? You start out with a struggle, end with a struggle and have quite a few hiccups in between? Without going into grave detail about my day yesterday to protect the innocent... it was one of those kind of days with things where you couldn't necessarily control the circumstances or predict them!
 The kind that even your 10 year old sons says several times "Today sucks!" Your gut instincts, survival skills, first aid knowledge, mom skills, adrenaline and more got you through even amidst any doubt that crossed your mind! Everyone had a purpose and was in the right place at the right time. Even in the very scary moments prayer was a the front most thought!  God is good. When we turn to Him first, when we make it a point to include others in our process, healing begins.
No one sets out at the beginning of their day anticipating all the obstacles and tragedies that could/may occur. Gosh that would definitely be a gloomy doomy day! If it didn't unfold in your negative manner at all why prepare for the worst, just be ready for the worst and take it as it comes, enjoy each moment not scared about the what ifs.
You have to set out with a good mind set, a positive outlook, a kind and compassionate heart ready to serve those around you in the best way that you can, to conquer whatever comes your way, and never alone, because God is right there with you if you will call upon him and allow him in your heart!
Often we try to tackle, handle and fix problems on our own and that is when things just seem to unfold un-properly... by that I mean in a way in which we are trying to force an outcome verses going with the plan that maybe God has intended, no matter how ridiculous some of the things seem to be in order for something else to occur! I often wonder if there could have been an easier way and then I remember as the bible says For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways.Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV

Sometimes I am just not sure what God has planned or why something has to unfold the way it does for a better good or for a future thing, and often maybe we will never know!! How much easier would it have been to make a connection with someone over a cup a coffee rather than a stressful, painful way, why do things unfold the way they do sometimes, couldn't we have taken the shortcut?  In the moment it often times seems unbearable and afterward it can seem unsettling trying to go back over in your head what you could have done or not done to prevent an occurrence but realistically we cannot go back and re-wind and start over so I am not sure why we put ourselves through that internal misery except we are human and allow we have faith we always want the WHY? You may not remember from when you were a kid but I bet you have had a kid ask you over and over again why when you tell them something, especially around the age of 4-5, no matter what you say they ask why? Sometimes even the things that they ask why about you asked at one time too, however you still don't know the answer, you just believe that they are that way and you go about your day not giving it a second thought, just believing even if you can't see it or see the reasoning behind it! Human curiosity as to why something is a certain way, done a certain way or turns out a certain way is instinct to question its authority! So many of us seek validation verses just accepting it as it is, how it unfolds or it's intended purpose. Most people don't want to believe in something they cannot see, haven't experienced or don't understand, again we are human.
Have faith and believe in the greater good, the higher power and the underlying purpose- Looking back, even though guilt, feeling bad and a sense of wanting to fix it or erase and re-do the day are automatic crutches in the end it was nothing a little ice cream and wine , some crying, some rest, time and prayerful healing couldn't fix! It could have been much worse but it wasn't, so be grateful and when your mind goes to that deep dark place, remove it and remember what positive thing came out of the situation and dwell in that. My mind body and spirit do not have enough energy to dwell in such an exhausting space.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7 

Insta-NOT-so-me

I don't even know how long everyone has been telling me  how amazing ordering your groceries online and picking them up is! So many people saying if I try it I'll love it. So easy, so quick, less time... Painless.... I have always liked to go grocery shopping.. picking out the stuff I want, the brands I want, picking up the vegetables, checking out the firmness of my apple or the less firmness of my avocado- I was told they only pick out the best of the best, but I just couldn't let go of doing it myself, or going on my own so that I could pick up anything I may forgot, or ending up with something I don't want.

With this whole Covid situation, I finally after years decided that maybe I too should try it. I called a friend I consider an online pro shopper to ask how to begin. I need some things that I couldn't get at the local grocer, so I tried my hand at the Walmart app. I started my cart and added things throughout yesterday, picking the next morning as my pick up time so I wouldn't forget anything. It was relatively easy to add things to my cart and it updated my total each time. Of course they were out of things I wanted. I did feel like there were many things not even offered, that I can tell you I have seen in the Walmart the last few times I went to pick something up. And when I finalized my order it did say that the red onion showing available when I put it in my cart, showed no longer available, but until the morning that was it, then I got an email saying they didn't have 8 other things it allowed me to put in my cart the evening before... HMMM... ok.. 

With this whole situation, I really didn't want to spend more time in Walmart than necessary and I would say my average grocery shopping trip normally takes an hour of my day no matter when I go. I couldn't go to the local Safeway this time, where there seems to be a lot less people especially the earlier you go in the morning. I just needed some things this time I couldn't get there. Now was as good a time as any to find out what all the hype was about... 

Those items no longer available in my cart were given subsititutions, which I wasn't super happy about, especially the different scent of my husbands deoderant he has worn for years, or the coffee creamer random flavor they chose, veggies, no problem- to me a baby carrot is a baby carrot... and even some of the prices seemed higher then I remember them being when I was in the store physically the last few times, which okay they are doing it for me and providing me a service.. so acceptable. My app would not let me change or delete any items it substiuted, but it said I could refuse those items when I get there. 

I got the email this morning, click on the on my way button and followed the signs to the designated parking location... and pulled in a space, clicked on the app and it said no need to call we have your order ready... well awesome I thought, but how do they know who I am and what groceries are mine? I actually got anxiety sitting there, newbie, not knowing what I was doing or what to expect. So I sat there for awhile and then called my pro-shopper friend to ask what to do... she proceeded to have me refresh the app which then asked what space I was in and what color my vehicle was. 9, gray/charcoal. Within minutes the Walmart employee came out with my order, masked and ready to serve me. asked my name and was super friendly and pleasant! Great job at customer service, I said to him that I didn't want the deoderant, I had already made up my mind I would try a new creamer flavor... it wasn't carmel, which by the way I hate in my coffee- so I figured worth a shot. He ever so politely told me that they were not allowing any substition take-backs at this time and that he couldn't take any groceries back into the store he had brought out so I would have to just take them at this time. I ended up with $8 and two deoderants I didn't really want. Hmmm well that was wasteful. Once again reaching out to my friend who had me try to use the app to say that I didn't "like" the subsitution but a bold COVID disclaimer popped up that they are taking no returns at this time and they are sorry for the incovenience..It is what it is but not so happy over here to pay for something  I don't want because I have to. I already am hanging onto an extra bathing suit for Paxton because it was too small and they would not exchange or return it at Target so I had to purchase another one. I am so used to being able to return things I don't want and recoup money spent not necessary. 

SO to recap my online shopping experience... not so me. I don't really want to put my shopping in someone else's control if I don't have to.  I like to pick out my own things, touch the product, see what options I have in front of me, try new things on the shelves, pass over the products that are unavailable and put it on my list for another time or go somewhere else to get what I want. I am definitely happy that I had the experience to satisfy my curiosity, after all this time of friends, and family telling me how awesome it was,  but I think I will be doing my fair share of shopping on my own in the future. The anxiety of putting my shopping in someone else's hands is a lot more exhasting than the hour I spend in the store knowing I am walking away with only what I want. Control freak maybe... but definitely happier and more satisfying to my liking. 

Do Over Day

So still on my “am I ruining my kid kick”! What does that look like to me… so many deals are made each day. I know I have said one day at a time over and over and I really truly think I mean it because honestly what else do you do? We may all mostly be stuck at home where you would think it would be easier to keep a schedule, but the fact of the matter is it is so freaking hard! You guys! The lack of structure and time that I am experiencing is super crazy, since I am NOT a super structured person to begin with! I have a kid with a short attention span, unless he is playing that video game; he has no siblings so no peer interaction, unless he is playing that video game and truly with a personality like mine being “by yourself” can suck sometimes. God help him, I think! LOL!  I love being at home honestly, but I am truly a social person. I love connecting in person with others and I love entertaining. So, does he. I think he spends way more time at home with his friends here than he does at his friends’ houses normally. Like me he is more comfortable at home, but just as social as I am.

Everyday we make a list of the things he needs to do and everyday due to me having something pop up for my work schedule, an email to attend to, a call received, a deal in the works, a current deal situation change, stopping to give advice to one of my peers in need, someone who wants to see that house at the last minute; even though it is mostly at home, he pushes my buttons to alter what it is he is supposed to be doing, since I am being interrupted- and honestly guys, 8/10 times I just go with it. I just let him have his way, change the schedule or alter what he should be doing… so I can attend to my thing. He is mostly getting what he needs to do, but the lack of discipline I am displaying is really weighing on my parenting skills. Yesterday we ended up fitting “live Fortnite”  pool addition with new squirt guns he got for Easter, tennis ball bombs and water cups filled with some special life juice game for over an hour (even though I was outside the pool) then his first welding lesson via dad’s instruction instead of the intended reading  (which was decreased from 30 mins to 10 with a promise that today he would read for 40 mins) and baseball practice, which yesterday only included working some arm band exercises instead of drills as well.

I have said that all of us are experiencing this unsettling, unnerving, scary/unexpected time in our lives differently… how am I to say that my child or my spouse is experiencing the same internal battle and feelings that I am… I can’t, so therefore I rely on just giving them as much space and grace and mercy as I can, altering the schedule to accommodate their needs at the time and hoping that it enriches them but doesn’t allow Paxton to lose or loosen any skills he already has.

Hopefully his “deals”  for what he does and is suppose to accomplish during the day either is short term and doesn’t really affect how he can potentially get away with things in the future just by arguing or bargaining with me or anyone else of authority for that matter, or he becomes a great lawyer because of it… LOL. But to continue working myself, keeping current deals together, attending to those future deals, maintaining client relationships and keeping up on the daily and sometimes hourly market changes, helping him navigate schoolwork, trying to maintain healthy meals, exercise for both of us and sanity, keeping my house clean, working on projects that I never have time to do and staying positive can really be exhausting… especially with high expectations of myself and what I think I need to have accomplished in a day!

Again I ask God for Grace and Mercy for myself and for my family as we all navigate through this mess hoping that it will make us stronger, we will be more grateful for what we have, take less things for granted, eliminate or alter the time spent on the things we realize are not necessary and get back to the things in our schedules that we do miss and make us happy. I miss watching Paxton play baseball the most and enjoying the intensity and love of the game! But for NOW… one situation at a time, decision at a time, one day at a time and one household at a time. No 2 situations can possibly be exactly alike. Do what you can, and if today sucks, give your family and yourself the Grace to start over tomorrow. I think I will concentrate for now on letting my kid be a kid, sooner than later,
God willing he will have plenty of time to still learn to be a responsible adult. 

You don’t arrive at a great performance by a magical process. You arrive at it by day-today slogging. -Glenda Jackson

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don’t work out; that’s when I’ve really learned. – Carol Burnett

Mamas this is for you.

Alright Mamas with multiple children, I have absolutely no clue what you are going through, at home with all the little's. Honestly, having one at home, who hasn't seen a single friend in a month, hasn't practice baseball with his team, played any tournaments, gone to school, bored out of his mind and slightly unmotivated to do too much is weighing heavily on questioning myself "am I parenting correctly right now?" "Am I being too lenient on bedtimes, and screen time and eating habits? "As I have said before I am not really a routine person to begin with. "Do I suck as a mom?"
We tried the list this week that allows him to plug all the things he needs to do into a day in a time line chart as long as he gets it all done.. Have I made him stick to that everyday... Ummm! Guilty... NOPE. I self talk if I am ruining him or teaching him bad habits, by going swimming at 2:00 yesterday when he should have been reading, or letting him play PlayStation for an hour longer than I had originally told him he could so I could just make dinner and not argue over dog poop that needed to be picked up! Is this teaching him to be able to get out of things in the future? Hell, I don't know, I am just doing what works at the moment for the situation we are in. Day, hour, moment at a time philosophy!
Remember those instruction manuals for this Covid-19 thingy are still on back order I guess!
No matter what you are doing right now, how you are handling this situation, the things you are letting your kids do you normally would not if they were in a normal setting going to school everyday in person, etc... this is only one chapter of your life, one season and one period! No matter whether you are stuck at home all day long not working, or you are an essential worker and still trying to juggle the kids, being the teacher, the mom, the spouse, the cafeteria worker, PE instructor, recess monitor, sibling fight ring arbitrator, sports coach, confidant, religious educator...etc , Don't over think it. Don 't judge yourself, do the best that you know how to do, as a mom, wife, friend, daughter....etc. Be available to listen to your kids, talk to them about how this is affecting them, how do they feel? We have absolutely no idea what is going on in their little heads, and if you have more than one kid, look out, just as they are all individuals they probably all have a different story playing in their head!
 Give yourself the Grace that God has given you, to let Go and let God! I beg you no matter what, take a drive by yourself, lock yourself in the bathroom, closet, etc and take at LEAST 10 minutes a day to be still and focus on you! Tell everyone to go away for 30 mins and paint your nails, read a book, work-out, take a long shower- apply a face mask, journal, make a list of all the things you are grateful for, walk around the block by yourself, and ask God for patience, love and kindness toward your family, even if you are working all day and exhausted when you climb into bed at night! By your 10-30 mins a day focusing on just YOU, they may even be better for it! In order to take care of others, we have to properly take care of ourselves! I promise these little's will not be ruined! I had a good friend tell me once that your kids will always be the most forgiving of you while they are growing up, you are their ROCK... make sure that you take care of yourself to be able to fulfill that title. We may think it does but no amount of Wine, Alcohol, Food or other "outlet" can replace the amount of peace you can feel in your heart, when you can be still in the presence of God and rejuvenate, refocus and renew yourself.
I look at my parenting skills right now as giving Paxton the ability to pick when he does certain things during the day is empowering him to be a caretaker for himself, prepping him to make decisions on his own and giving him a little more leadership skills. Bending my own rules or changing things up from what was "scheduled" that morning, is teaching him to be flexible and perhaps not so routine that he has a hard time altering things or accepting that change happens! I don't know if I am doing this right, are any of us? But I have to have Faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the lessons learned and the knowledge gained and the experience as a whole will be a notch on his timeline that will help shape him into the amazing adult that I know he will be one day in the future!
Everyday cannot be perfect but you will find something perfect in everyday!
Faith is the friend that comes along when things seem to go all wrong.
Be you, do you, and accept you.

Let your light shine

This Easter week has been a little battle in my head mixed with emotions of fear, anxiety, sadness, worry, hope, joy, and peace all wrapped up in one! I can't even imagine what Jesus was going through the week before His death and resurrection! Can any of us? I bet not!
None of us know what the other is dealing with internally! This whole experience is so unsettling, not a single one of us could have been prepared for what it has done to us, our family, our friends, our sanity! The every day changing rules on social distancing, what is acceptable, what isn't, what is essential and what is not! Missing our families, our social activities and our well-known routine lives! What an absolute disruption in what we put our trust in day to day! The people on a daily basis finding themselves unemployed, pay checks cut, or those that are working twice as hard as essential workers- those who are not "staying home" because they are needed. Those people are risking their lives and the lives of their loved ones everyday trying to stay employed but needed for the rest of us to continue living!
 If you just remember to do the best you can, take one minute, one day and one week at a time, some days may be better than others, some days you may get so much accomplished and have the best possible positive attitude for the future and some days you may just want to watch t.v., eat, drink and cry and plain feel blah and exhausted even mentally! But just don't make the latter your routine!
You do have control of how you act and react, and being positive actually takes less energy and trains your mind to be healthier and happier. Being stressed, depressed and judgmental can statistically cause your immune system to weaken and you be more likely to become sick! So even though we all deserve an occasional pity party we can control how long that lasts and what we need to do to snap out of it and move on!

I notice from social media lot of us are sitting at home complaining about our situation, being bored, not being able to go anywhere, teaching our own kids, eating and drinking too much and being annoyed by our spouse or children! Some of the posts on FB I see I hope are just in true fun and to be funny and make light of the situation. But I know deep down that some people are feeling this way, some feel burdened, some feel overwhelmed, some feel depressed and anxious. Is any of this wrong! No way! But it may just train us to be more appreciative of those we previously took advantage of.
As many different individual personalities that are out their, there are individual reactions!
All day long you can say how someone should respond, feel or cope with what they are being faced with. But the reality is everyone wears different shoes, everyone is different that is the way God made us! What a boring world if we all thought, acted and reacted the same!
Have Grace for everyone around you, just as God has Grace for you! Be kind, be forgiving and stop judging others or assuming they have ill intentions or shouldn't act or react the way they are... because guess what they are NOT you! Be supportive, encouraging, loving and humble.
All the commercials saying we are #allinthistogether although starting to seem all little over the top to me sometimes... the saying holds true! This is happening Globally, definitely differently to everyone out there, but to everyone nonetheless.
I may not be able to choose my circumstances right now, or control them, however, I choose to enjoy my family, because when else in my lifetime will I have such an opportunity to spend so much time with them and not be rushing from one thing to the next. I choose to enjoy the quiet and focus on how I can help others. I choose to be still and silent and frame my mindset. I choose to take advantage of working on all the projects I always say I never have time to do. I choose to reach out to as many people as I can, connect to those I haven't in awhile because of my lack of time and brighten their day, you never know when that random happy thought can really change someone else's day for the better or is needed at that exact moment. I can choose to make the most of the situation I am in and help it to teach me to grow, slow down and appreciate the little things we sometimes pass by on our way to all the things that make us busy. I can control if I am exercising, what I am eating and drinking and how I behave! Sometimes the eating and drinking desirable things is definitely comforting... but long term I will not be happy with the outcome, so moderation is what I need to practice right now for my best possible outcome!
What is one thing you can do this week to brighten someone else's day? Think about it and act upon it! You never know who may need what you have to offer.

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24)

Your biggest Cheerleader

Disclaimer: Most of my blogs are not this "religious or deep in meaning" however, sometimes I need to pursue a deeper connection with why I feel so compelled to write and share my stories with others, most of the time I like to keep the spiritual portion to a minimum as to appeal to more people when I dish up my daily experiences and get those readers to connect or to feel more like they can relate to a story and are not alone in their thinking or acting! Please continuing reading until the end and check back often if this one isn't for you. My purpose in writing is to share with others what my mind absorbs and sometimes it just may be a little more "churchy" than others.
When I was growing up I always looked forward to Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. I loved going to church to collect my palm branch later turning it into a cross or braiding it and keeping it displayed for the next whole year somewhere in our house. We lived in Indiana, you didn't quite see palm trees on a regular basis, if at all unless you were vacationing somewhere warm.
At my age it seems like such a trivial thing to have gotten excited about, especially since I am not really sure at the time I even completely knew what it signified, sure they were fun to receive and make into something and all my friends were doing it... lol.  From the bible stories I learned in my church education classes I could picture Jesus riding into a big town on a very small donkey as people crowded around on either side waiving palm branches at him, sort of like a one-man parade.
Did I realize that palm branches are a symbol of pride and victory, did I understand that him riding in on an unbroken donkey colt instead of a white horse, symbolized that his victory was to bring peace between man and God not a victory over a nation. As an adult and owner of horses, I do now know what it means to ride in gently on an un-broke horse- horses/donkeys/mules take careful training to be able to be ridden when they have never been ridden before! How significant that this man, this leader could climb upon a baby untamed donkey and just ride like he had done for years.
Many people through Jesus' miracles trusted he was the prophesied Messiah, many thought he was a fake and others thought he was too powerful, they were afraid and jealous and wanted to put a stop to him threatening their rule over the nation. Those people killed him within the week of him being honored as a humble king.
This the whole time was in God's plan, was it what Jesus as a man wanted to be the result of his existence, probably not... can you imagine being sacrificed for the greater good of everyone else? None of us are that self-less. WOW! Just WOW that this man was.
When he was put to death on the cross, a plan that he knew from the very beginning and a  huge undertaking that only he could partake in, to save the sins of the world. But the human in him still cried out on that cross, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me."
Do you ever feel like a task you have is just too big, expectations of you are just too much and you are just plain exhausted. Do you ever push back from some nagging feeling of something you are suppose to fulfill but you just can't possibly think could get done, your energy is so low and you just want to give up? Maybe no one believes in your goals and you feel unsupported and defeated. But I will tell you God is there, cheering you on, willing to give you what is needed to move forward, even when no one here on Earth will. You just need to reach out to Him and pull Him in your corner, let Him in your circle and trust the He will stay if you let Him.
Never will you experience something as BIG as what Jesus did, however, sometimes we have a nagging on our heart strings to serve God in some way or to make a change, but our fear, our doubt and our supposed limitations get in the way. This is God calling on you to do something for him, something bigger, something you may think is unimaginable, something we cannot do by ourselves.... but believe me, with His help and His guidance anything is possible. Let Him guide you through it, it may not be easy but it may be part of a bigger plan you never thought imaginable, not only for you but those around you. Learn to trust in Him and the results will follow according to his Word. Can it be a scary experience? Sure, will it be worth it in the end, you betcha, can we possibly imagine the extent of the outcome? Maybe never... but I am a firm believer that everyone on this earth has a purpose to fulfill no matter how small before they can be rewarded in eternal Heaven.
Take this week to reflect on what you truly want out of life, how you can use your skills and talents for the greater good of humanity and what steps you need to take to fulfill those internal desires, what better time to reflect, to be still and to listen to what God has planned for your life then being placed at home hopefully a safe place for you to restore your connection with Him and His desires for you.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. - Psalm 23:2-3 NKJV

Grace under fire

Yesterday had it's ups and downs. As parents we already don't come with a rule book, and I have never really been much of a routine person and if you follow my blog you know this is definitely true. I thrive off of a whim and don't often stick to a schedule. Maybe because of the nature of my job where things can change at the last minute, fall through, come up and be rescheduled, or maybe I have just always been that person.
I can stick to a diet or a work out plan for a little while and boom something else dangles that carrot in front of me... busy at work making money to provide for my family, baseball for Paxton, my chores at home... a change in schedule, an errand to run etc.
My hubby and I argued over how much time Paxton was online playing games with his friends yesterday, and because he was home more than he usually is during the work day yesterday, he saw that the only thing he seemed interested in was this! He did not see every other day this week, the bike rides we took, the chores we did, the homework we tried not to get frustrated over! One of us can have the opinion that he hasn't been to school, seen his friends or played baseball for a month give him some social interaction even if it is for most of the day, the other may see it as laziness. Is there a right or wrong answer I don't know. He finished all his school work, he has been getting outside, in the pool, helping with chores just yesterday why not just do whatever. I was working on other projects and frankly I didn't care what Paxton was doing. A friend of mine said since all of this some days her family all go into separate rooms and do their own thing. And guess what that is totally OK! Who is judging us anyway, and if they are I would like to see their perfect little set up... no one is perfect so I can't imagine it would look all that inviting.
Am I enabling or hindering him... who is to say. It is already hard to know how to parent, to always agree with your spouse and be on the same page and to juggle all the activities, chores, responsibilities and expectations at any age and to throw this Corona Virus complete with uncharted territory and unknown outcomes in the mix and boom, disaster waiting to happen being cooped up practically 24/7 with each other and all your different personalities. My outlet has been roller-blading and spending more time with my horses.  Maybe his outlet is playing games with his friends. Steve's is definitely working on projects non-stop! Paxton has no siblings and so even though I was pretty dead set against gaming online previously, I am so glad that I allowed it. He has even been facing timing some of his buddies to keep in the loop. He needs that. Even if some days it is most of the day.
Do I think his lack of motivation for doing other things like baseball and more outdoor activities during the day is going to become the new norm, I really don't think so. Can any of us really judge our kids or each other for how we may be reacting or handling this current state of emergency situation? I believe NOT. When in our children's life after this whole pandemic is declared safe, will they ever have the chance to just be a kid? To not carry so many responsibilities, expectations and weight on their shoulders as they become adults with busy lives... Live in the present I say, with some structure if possible.
Now I am not recommending you let your kid play video games all day, eat whatever they want from the pantry or fridge and totally make all of their own decisions- I am not telling you to say heck with it and cave into their every little desire (don't worry after yesterday's outburst we did agree to make a schedule, with his input, for this coming week); I am just advising you to take it one day at a time, be willing to change it up, make alterations and adjustments and give your kids and spouse and anyone else who needs it that extra added amount of GRACE, that is needed for us to get through it! Do you even know how much GRACE God gives us on a hourly and daily basis! You probably couldn't even start to calculate it! So why can we as humans extend even a portion of that GRACE to the people we love. Some of us know what self-talk we are playing over and over in our own heads, is different or similar to our loved ones self-talk, we don't even have a clue what others are going through in their heads! None of us have a crystal ball and know when this will all be better. Take this time to enjoy each moment and each day and pray that you will be a better person because of it. Don't be quick to want to get everything back to normal! I think that is the point, our normal is so skewed from media and society and false expectations this experience is bound to change many people and alter the dynamics of just about everyone.
Write down your list of things you are grateful for each day, this will keep you in a positive frame of mind, remember to thank your family for contributing, maybe now that many people are eating together more and more, pray as a family at dinner (if you were not already doing so) go around the dinner table and have everyone just say 1 thing they were grateful for that day (there is always something to be grateful for) and watch your family grow, change and respect one another more and more through this time! This is bound to move into other relationships and situations in the "outside your home" world we will all live in the near future. Maybe the world will become a kinder, gentle and more appreciative place.
Will everyday be peachy... I highly doubt that, and that is OK, don't forget to give yourself GRACE, this ins't a Hallmark movie, but you will be better because of the patience you had, the grace you gave and the love you shared.

Grace is the atmosphere created by love that makes faith the only reasonable response. -Bill Johnson

Trials, Tribulations, Triumphs and Papa

Yesterday I turned 41. My day was really not what I expected. I had mixed emotions not only from this crazy pandemic the whole world is going through right now, but from loosing a cousin to Covid this past week at only 64 years of age, reminiscing about my grandfather who died on my 14th birthday, the one you know that was so involved in everything when I was a kid, who fished with my dad, worked on his boat in our barn, took my cousins and I camping in their little RV, made it a point to come to softball games, school performances and just plain supported my every move. He and I shared the love of writing, poetry among other things. 14 years wasn't really a huge part of my life, but it was a huge impact of who I am today. Losing my dad at 14 as well, my mom at 35 and the list goes on and on. I remember on my birthday that year, I was busy doing my math homework and we had just finished dinner, they were working on dessert, strawberry short cake- It wasn't my favorite and I don't remember why I picked that, but I clearly remember what we had, what I was doing and where I was sitting at the kitchen table when the phone rang. I said mom, that is about grandpa, you answer it, and it was. It was my aunt to tell her he took his last breath. He had been sick with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma for years, but it just finally caught up to him. He was my buddy... Fast forward all these years later. All the things that have happened to me in my life have been a notch on my time line of life. All have made me who I am today. I pray that the things I have seen, the things that I have learned, the people I have come in contact with and the trials, tribulations and triumphs and molded me into the person that all of the people I have lost can be proud of! I want to serve others and make a difference.
For any of you out there there is no right or wrong reason to handle this situation we are going through, I have empathy for those who are sick, those who cannot work and those who are on the front lines during this scary time, putting themselves and their families at risk!
Now more than ever we need to band together to pray for one another... to be good role models for our kids who are home and fighting their own internal battles, who have been ripped from their everyday norm, their friends, their schooling, their sports, their recreational time, their teachers, their group hobbies the list goes on and on. Don't make them feel unwanted or like they are bothering you, embrace them, their annoying habits, their laughter, their joy, and their quirks! This means they are alive and healthy and here, they will go back to school eventually and you will miss them, I promise.
For those of us who can see the silver-lining... this is the time where we can bond with our family more, work on all those projects we always say we don't have time to do. This is the time to reflect on what is important and what is just busyness in our schedules. Don't look at this as a punishment but as an opportunity, this isn't just happening to you! Yes everyone will be affected in different ways, yes I can be scared for my future while still trying to remain positive, yes I can laugh, I can cry and believe me yesterday, even though I was showered with many posts, calls, texts, drop by gifts and showed how much I am loved, I still shed a few tears, more than one time. I am a woman and I can be emotional!
Life can be uncertain, overwhelming and hard! But it is what you make of it! None of us are perfect, none of us can have our "happy meter" on 24/7. But we also cannot dwell in the future which is unknown... you can spend your whole day laying on the couch, watching Netflix, afraid of what your future holds, or wallowing in how unfair it is of what you can't do... or you can focus on what you can do and make a difference. Connect with people you haven't spoken to in awhile. Truly listen to how they are doing, send that text, make that phone call, show your human connection even if it isn't face-to-face. Save a portion of your day to pray for other people who this is affecting.
Please do give yourself the grace to have that lazy Netflix watching, popcorn eating, glass of wine day. But don't make it your new routine. Organize your office, partake in that paint project, put your photos in those albums, work on that puzzle, create something, build something, work out and get in shape!  When this is all over, you will be thankful you didn't focus on the why me!
This experience will be what you make of it. New things will come, dynamics will change, what is important to you will be reflected in how you come out of our current situation. Be the light for someone who is in the dark! Develop new habits and don't automatically turn to "when things go back to normal" What is normal and was it really the best for you? Reflect on your dreams, goals and what your purpose is... everyone has one or you wouldn't still be here.
Be grateful for what you have no matter how little it is. The more you focus on the positive, even with the occasional pity party, the greater contributor to society you will be when you can get back out there and shine in person!
Has my 41 years here on Earth gone the way that I anticipated? Hoped? Expected? Hell no! But it is how I chose to deal with what I am handed that has allowed me to thrive, in any circumstance or condition. Surrounded by my family and friends, my support system and number 1 my belief in God who is there for me no matter what I am going through, who I can talk to whenever I want, pray for my needs and allowed his grace and mercy.
Do I always get what I want, no, but His ways are not are ways and our needs are not always what we think.
Go forth and be your greatest YOU!

To this day, although sometimes difficult, I try to weigh all the negative situations by finding the good they have to offer. This, I believe, is what has kept me going and will enable me to succeed well into the future. That and the pleasurable memories of a fun-loving grandfather who was my hero and friend.

Dani
Hustle Bustle
Hurry Scurry
Never Linger
Never Tarry
Get it Done
On the Run
Hurry Up
Don't Slow Up
Never Stop
Only to Give a Kiss
To Papa
-Carl Duney

She Taught Me That

My son has a fear and anxiety issue when it comes to certain things. As an adult sometimes we forget what it is to be a child and how real their fears can be.... or have we? We often blow off their over-the-top fears as silly childhood worries that could never possibly happen... scary fake stuff they see on t.v., the fear of someone stealing them in the middle of the night, the fear of someone hurting them, the fear of being laughed at, the fear of failure to the extent that they won't bounce back, the fear of dying, the fear of loosing loved ones, some of this will happen and some of it never will. As parents it is our job to minimize their fear with out belittling their fear if you know what I mean. It is "real" to them.

Over the weekend we went up to the cabin with some friends and the boys were exposed to a show that us adults were watching about some crazy phenomenons where these "stick people" came up out of the ground and were walking around. They were a little freaked out and laughed about it the next morning... but really the affects of these things are real. Last night Paxton's fear was real, he was super upset and wanted to sleep with us. I could not get him to realize that not only was this a silly notion and not real, that he was protected by God, looked over  by my mom, his Bushie, from Heaven, protected by his very in-tune with what is going around him- watch dog Ryker that sleeps in his bed, but he wouldn't have it. He was truly scared. In my adult mind it seemed so silly! However, I knew to him it was real. We prayed, I sang to him, I told him a happy story... nothing seemed to be working. And then I remembered how my mom would relax me when I couldn't sleep...a technique I don't use often enough.

 I reached in my soul and pulled her out! She may not be here to physically help me or answer the questions I have... but she is still here. In me! She taught me a lot and I can summon her goodness, her love, her example any time I want! The technique I used worked! He was relaxed from head-to-toe as I poured peace and love into his little body laying next to me in his own bed, he took his finger to his lips, told me he felt calm and I could stop talking now.. 

As adults we still have fears, fear of death, fear of loosing loved ones, fear of failure, fear of not fitting in, of disappointing someone, fear of finances, fear of getting hurt... and on and on! When was the last time someone helped us calm down with such a simple relaxation exercise... I can do this for myself, I can bring relaxation and peace, I can call upon God to protect me and my parents to watch over me and pull them out of my soul to remind me "do not fear." You got this. You can find peace and happiness no matter where you are, you can control your thoughts and calm your mind! Yes, yes, you can. 

Thank you mom for all those years of exercises that you taught me that I can use to help my son combat his fears, I hope that what I am teaching him he will be able to use someday for his children... whether I am here or not to help his children calm their fears. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are feelings that all of us have from time to time, it is how we deal with those feelings that make us strong and  courageous individuals! 

I saw this posted the other day and it made me think wow that is profound. As I climbed in my attic to get down all the Christmas stuff this morning I wrangled up my hubby to help. Normally I do this when he isn’t home and only ask help for a few big things I can’t handle like the tree box. But thought this could go a lot quicker with some help! 

As he stood below the stairs while I continuously handed down items, boxes, big containers, wreath bags, multiple trees, etc. He probably thought it was never ending.. WTF.. 

His patience was impeccable and never once did he complain or tell me I had accumulated too much stuff. He asked once how many more and I immediately flashed back to my mom and how many things she had and decorated for Christmas. When i was frowning up our house was always decked out! In and out and she loved to decorate, make wreaths and centerpieces and everything always seemed right with the world when she was decorating and we got to enjoy it! 

 Some people may think it is overload. I had my own stuff when she died, I inherited some of her stuff and gave a lot away because I just didn’t have places to put it and I was also rushed to get her home packed up and moved, I made a lot of quick choices when deciding what to keep, sell or give away. Some things I probably should have kept but they were just things. 

The best things I kept where not physical things at all but the gift and inheritance I see in myself is her LOVE of Christmas and what it represents. One may think some of us go overboard on the decorating bit! I think differently.

I feel this decorating “obsession” represents the JOY of the Season. The LOVE of Christmas and symbolizes Happiness, Thankfulness, Gratitude and puts us in a mood of Cheer! What better trait to inherit from someone I love who has left this world for a better place than the Love and Appreciation of Christmas and our Lord and Savior who gave his life with Mercy and Grace so that when we pass from this world we have Eternal Life in Heaven with him and all those who went before us! Merry Christmas! Choose Joy, Create Happiness and Spread Love. 

Unfamiliar Territory Equals New Opportunity

Paxton chose to try out and switch baseball clubs this Fall after playing for the Paladin Knights for many seasons .. he left the kids he knew and the coaches he was comfortable with even his dad as coach- he asked us to try out and made a team where we have a lot further drive, the cost is more, and he basically knew no one except for a few kids he had seen at clinics and camps- but he was begging us to try out and we let him. If I have the means to give my kid an opportunity I will help him pursue his goals/dreams, even through some sacrifices. I have always been a team mom in a small town where I am comfortable and thrive on building relationships around what I know. I was nervous as a mom if I would fit in with all these new baseball moms in an area outside my comfort zone... I am sad to say I miss my baseball moms from our previous teams, which those relationships built will never go away, but I am pleased to say that these new moms welcomed me with amazing grace, acceptance and new friendships that have blossomed. Remember sometimes things can be scary, sometimes things may or may not work out according to plan but God has a plan for us that puts the right people at the right times in our lives for reasons we sometimes may never understand and being open to change and new adventures along our journey in life makes it a lot easier to accept what is put before us.

With Team Dinger, Paxton ended up with an organization who compliments what we were already used to with a bunch of great men teaching kids the tricks and trade of hard work and perseverance through baseball. His teammates are great kids and new friendships are forming for this chapter in his life as well. 

Paxton’s coach Ash won the Teeter award of Excellence from AZ Playball yesterday at the Pony baseball banquet! He is a great influence for these young men and deserved it to the fullest! I can’t even describe the effect he has on these players through his calm yet lighthearted and spirited composure. They seem to naturally play as a team with not a lot of push from any one source and many of them had never even played club ball before let alone with each other. They are currently 21-2 with one last tournament in December- they have won 2 Championship rings and they brought home the trophy for the Championship in their Mustang Division with Pony last weekend. 

It was a pleasure to share in this moment, as their coach was honored for his humble efforts. 

Fellow baseball mom April Nelson Moloney gave a speech and said all the things us parents feel about why this man is making a difference in our son’s lives through baseball with his passion for the game and his demonstration of life skills through his coaching style. 

Life is hard and sometimes change isn’t easy and sometimes it is downright scary, but I believe Paxton made the right decision for him for what he needs at this point in his life. And no matter where he plays and who he plays for I pray that each and every decision that is made leads to a chapter in his life where he is needed the most or where he can be best influenced during a specific time period, that will lead him to excel and do great things with the talents God has given him and the service he is meant to pursue. He may or may not make it to the MLB, which has been his goal since age 6 as the statistics aren't necessarily in his favor, but we would never know if he doesn't try and we don't support him! I can only hope that the lessons he learns and the friendships he makes last a lifetime beyond his career whatever that may be! 

We don’t meet people by accident, there is a reason they are in our lives- And someday we can say... thank you for your part in our journey... you made a connection that made the difference, no matter how small. 

Having a Funeral for Perfect

If you are anything like me there’s a lot of noise in your head at any one given time.

 We often run worst case scenario’s over and over in our minds more than best case scenario’s. Sometimes we make up things that other people are thinking about us saying about us or reasons that something goes the way that it does, especially when it comes to pleasing my family! I admit I am a people pleaser… sometimes this is a strength and other times it is a weakness. I just really crave people being happy! Often it is a mission for me…

 More likely than not, we have absolutely no idea what someone else is thinking we just like to think they’re thinking the worst-case scenario. Mind you I’m very rarely thinking bad things about other people. So, I am not sure why I take up time in my mind to think about what they’re not thinking about me. It’s that struggle with self-confidence type of thinking that someone is always thinking negatively about me. I hate thinking that someone is disappointed in me doing something incorrectly or not to their liking. Sometimes that gets me in a heap of trouble at home when I automatically think someone’s thinking something that they’re not. It can really make me defensive, moody, and sometimes just not pleasant to be around. Even though there’s nothing for me to feel this way about I create an illusion in my head to often justify the negative things I am thinking about myself… the whole negative self-talk scenario.

This morning I had great intentions of getting a lot accomplished and everything falling into place trying to prepare for a trip to go out of town in less than 48 hours. What all do I need to fit in, buy, pack, get ready for my house sitters, take care of the animals, clients etc.! Let’s just say life happens and lots of stuff went wrong this morning, but not a single thing was that BIG of a deal, but still got short with my kid on the way to school and ended up crying. It’s so easy to get inside my head and try to figure out things I could’ve done better to make it have worked out any way other than it did. However sometimes shit just happens. And it’s beyond our control.

NEWS FLASH- We are not perfect, and it is silly to think we can be or can control what is!

Stop analyzing everything!!!  Sometimes I waste so much time analyzing things I forget about the here and now and the things we can accomplish if our brain wasn’t in the past trying to find a what if. I saw a couple friends running into the grocery store this morning for a few things, and it reminded me that we are all often in the same boat trying to fit in perfect in our lives, time for ourselves and our girlfriends, that woman/mom stress relief time to bond and connect. Over-stressed, overworked and feeling like we must accomplish everything with some impossible deadline instead of just going with the flow. Often God or the Universe has different plans than we do. Stop trying to correct what is supposed to be and embrace it! Move on push forward. Fresh start. Be happy from here.

My friend was telling my son the other day that her and her daughter had a funeral for perfect. Plan one for your perfect… celebrate that funeral and then bury perfect and just enjoy life as imperfect as you are!

Don't Bunt, Hit that Dinger

If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Sometimes change is scary however sometimes change is needed to open doors to endless possibilities that you never thought you could imagine. Sometimes change is the right decision sometimes it is not.  If you have a dream pursue it. It might be a little bit more of a time commitment, a longer drive, more wear and tear on mom and dad’s trucks, longer hours changing or eating in the car. But you’ll never know unless you try. 

In life no matter what you pursue if you’re passionate about something give it your hundred percent take advantage of what’s available to you, no matter how old or young you are sometimes you can never move forward unless you take that risk.  

Here is to a new adventure, a new opportunity and a little sacrifice. 

I guarantee you will do great things my child.

Sometimes we are so afraid of change we are not certain whether it is a good or bad thing. We may be worried of failure... 99% of the time that is what holds us back, the thought of failure or the nagging feeling that someone may say I "told you so". But honestly sometimes doors are open that we should embrace and walk right thru and sometimes doors are open to help us realize what we have is already good and that something "new" might not be the  "what" we should do but shows us what we don't want.
I know I know that sounds two-fold and super confusing! So how do we really know we are making the right decision. I don't know if we do until we take that step sometimes. I try my best to lean on God and prayer to help me make those decisions... Sometimes these decisions are not a permanent change but a stepping stone or a learning experience. Life is a journey you know, and we should constantly learn and educate ourselves...
Recently both Paxton and I have had opportunities presented that may or may not take us to new heights, new experiences and successful pursuits. You might think that door open means that you have to walk through it!
 I am hear to tell you that as much as I would like that to be the case, his opportunity presented him with a chance to make a step in the forward learning and growing process, mine however dangling like a carrot and something I may have had thoughts of pursing in the past or maybe even in the future, just doesn't align with the decision I made this year to lessen my load, to put more emphasis on my true goals and my dreams, writing, riding my horses more, spending more time enjoying my family, watching my son pursue his goals. This "opportunity given would give me a chance to help more people, but it would also make a heavier load that I don't know if worth the trade for time and money. Am I capable of the challenge, you better believe that I believe in myself 100% on this opportunity that I COULD do it, but I also believe in myself to know when it is the right thing to do to say NO. I don't feel at this time I could commit 100% to this pursuit and therefore it isn't fair to those who would be affected.
I do love helping people and I love that God calls me to serve others, however sometimes there are limits as well as timing issues. I am grateful that others believe in my abilities enough to be presented with these open doors, however prayer, talking to people who have done what you are presented with and writing down pros and cons and discussing things as a family, can lead you away from the open door in front of you. And with that I must leave the decision I made and move forward.
If you are not going to give it 100% commitment or you can't, just reconsider doing it. Follow through with your pursuit for the maximum effectiveness.
Don't Bunt.... Hit that Dinger. 

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”

Day 4 of my journey to be a healthier me!

The start to a new week!

 I have decided that nutrition is definitely important! Making better food choices is definitely important! Working out more consistently doing something you enjoy is an energy and mood booster, For SURE! Having a list of go-to foods when grocery shopping and preparing to always have a healthy choice verses a convenient choice at my fingertips. I have never been a soda, junk food or fast food junkie… I just don’t eat routinely, and sometimes I may have a few too many bites when taste testing making sure my meals are savory and well received… also, I think I have mentioned I love to bake things. Banana cake and vanilla bean ice cream are my favorite sugary treats and I love pasta! But I also love fruits and veggies – which when most people “diet” they have a hard time trying to like things they don’t to make changes… I don’t need to be convinced to like those things… just to choose them over the pretzels, the pasta, the brownies and the wine… by the way… the wine isn’t on my toss out list!

This isn’t a change for a while… it is a change forever… but with this change I can guarantee if I don’t let myself have what I want occasionally it isn’t going to stick. I’ll be the first to admit I need to cheat, or I won’t be able to beat this habit of inconsistency. I can commit to working out more! Enjoying the things I like to do like swimming, rollerblading and Pilates and not forcing myself to try things I hate like running or going to a gym.

Let’s be real people, I am not interested in lying to myself and completely switching to flour free, dairy free, sugar free, mayo free lifestyle! I just can’t do it! I was a sickly kid growing up with lots of limitations on what I could eat- My mom sent along my own Sara Lee pound-cake to birthday parties so I could too enjoy something with the other kids as I had allergies to 38 different foods when I was born, I grew out of this eventually and sometimes I blame the lack of control as I developed a better tolerance of these things as I aged ( I say some things still upset me but I don't have the severe reactions I once had)  on what I eat an enjoy on being deprived of it for so many years.  I cannot commit to never eating a piece of pizza or enjoying normal pasta, Dairy Queen, or my favorite banana cake! Committing to change 100% is an automatic set up for failure, maybe I will never be model material (face it guys I am 40 with a short torso anyway! And did I mention I like to cook/bake and eat!) So let’s say I am going to commit to 95% of my week making better choices and 5% allowing myself to have what I want… but tweaking it just a little. Even when eating my healthy home cooked choices which we do most of the week on a regular basis anyway, I just exercise a little better portion control… sometimes I don’t think we realize we eat when we sample, or have seconds… I will take smaller portions and less samples to make sure it is “good”. I will eat consistently so that I don’t eat all day and then eat too much at night!

 When I cheat or go out to dinner I need to remind myself that I can’t ship my leftovers to the starving kids in Africa, so I need to stop feeling guilty for leaving them on my plate to be thrown away, when I am full I need to put my fork down and not eat like I will never have access to this savory food again! I can choose a  small plate of nachos avoiding seconds, 1 piece of pizza and a couple wings instead of 2 or 3 pieces of pizza, I can order pasta and eat 1/3 of it choose a mini blizzard instead of a small- and definitely not ALL of these things on the same day! LOL!  

I am here to tell you if you make unrealistic, unreachable goals for yourself no matter what you are trying to achieve you will not succeed.  I have known this in other aspects of my life and not sure why I haven’t applied it to this one! I am an instant gratification person I want what I want when I want it and losing weight hasn’t been any different, when I get an idea in my head I want to see it out and I really don’t like to wait for results! In some things it great because I don’t procrastinate but in others, I get impatient and tend to give up if the results don’t start to show quickly. I need to take this one day and step at a time and be patient with myself. Instant results don't usually lead to long term results as you can bounce back to your old ways quicker than you can form a new habit!

I am the first to tell you I am an open book, For years in Real Estate I have shared my failures and my successes with those who want get into my type of business… I do not hide anything that has or hasn’t worked for me, because you know what… what works for me may or may not for someone else. I feel like no one can really steal my ideas and show me up or take over what I have worked hard to establish, we don’t have the same personalities or delivery methods, besides there is plenty of business out their for all of us.  A lot of Realtors are super successful doing open houses, I am here to tell you I hate them, I don’t really like doing them and it is not part of my business plan. I do them occasionally out of obligation, because I am a full-service Realtor I do on occasion, however I would find another agent to do them 99% of the time!

 Do YOU! Find what works for you! You will never be able to follow someone else’s plan and make it work for you fully no matter what they try to make you believe! I don’t have the same body type, style, metabolism or desire of the Master Nutritionist I went to see, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take her tips, tricks, dietary choices and discipline and incorporate what works for me in my life. Use your resources, ask for advice, shadow people you look up to, but make sure that you take what you can get, take other’s ideas, learn from those who are successful but with every means possible create your own plan and goals.

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde