In no way are my circumstances above and beyond anything anyone else has or is going through at the moment. What may seem overwhelming to one may not be to someone else. Whatever feelings and stresses that one experiences are unique to their situation. There is no rule book or guidance map to navigate grief. It comes in all forms and sizes. People experience and handle grief in different ways. I know there are steps to grieving that experts developed 50 + years ago from a pattern of study through people who are grieving, however, I am a firm believer that you can't label them and not everyone experiences them all or in the same order and no one can expect to treat each person the same way. Remember from my earlier blogs, the Golden Rule, it may be to treat people as you want to be treated, but I believe it should say "treat people as they want to be treated" Why you ask? Because we all experience and react to situations differently. There is no blanket treatment given to those who are grieving. We are all unique individuals. I have went through the grieving process plenty of times in my life and not every time has it been the same. Lots of factors play into account, your age, home life, friends at the time, support system, environment, financial situation, fears and courage and much more.
I am over here grieving the loss of a husband with one child in tow. My process is no more important than the person grieving a loss with no children or the one with 6 kids they are responsible for. With the thought of having 3 or 6 kids to comfort while navigating through this process is overwhelming to me and more than I feel that I would be able to handle at this time, but someone is and I pray to God that they feel His LOVE and are able to feel their load lesson as He is there to guide them through this "new" life they have to live without the help of their significant other.
My advise to anyone who has a loved one, family member or friend who has recently experienced a loss and wants to know what to do. Just offer your help, but only out of the kindness of your heart, don't offer help because it is what you are suppose to do or you somehow feel obligated. The worst thing the grieving person can experience is someone's resistance to help or an offer given that is never followed through with. Just don't offer. There are other ways to comfort them, through prayer and we can use that too! Also check in randomly, you never know when there could be a day that someone checks in with the grieving person and 10 people have that day or NO ONE has! Your check in could be so important on that day! Checking in can put a smile on someone's face. There is no right way to check in. It can be a quick... thinking about you text, a quote or meme, a quick call just to say hi! As I said before I do love flowers especially random anonymous ones, but never feel obligated to spend money. Saying hi is just as important. Send something funny you saw on you tube or facebook, or a cute picture of something you know they like. With technology today it is as easy as a simple text that may take you 30 seconds but remain with that person throughout the whole and often is imbedded in their mind as highly significant in their journey. It could make all the difference to the grieving persons moment and beyond! And seriously, so far every moment of every day can take me to unexpected places, both good, bad, sad, hard, and all the emotions in between.
YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Philippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
From Relate by King and Country
You don't know what it's like to be me
What if we're all the same in different kinds of ways?
Can you, can you relate?
We both know what it's like to be hurt
We both know what it's like to feel pain
But I think it's safe to say we're on to better days
Can you, can you relate?
Has there ever been a time when you stayed but you should've run?
Been a sinner, been a saint
I've been right, I've been so, so wrong
Yeah, I've made my mistakes
No comments:
Post a Comment