Shoes x 8

 I am sure your significant other has a few idiosyncrasies that have drove you nuts a time or two. And vice versa. Maybe it was a constant struggle of you nagging that person over it, maybe it causes a fight, maybe you joke about it with one another but let them do it, or maybe you just have a tad bit of OCD like me and you straighten shoes and hang the hand towel in the bathroom back up on the towel bar instead of letting it lay bunched up on the sink wet all day... whatever these things about them that bother you do you often think if something happened that person, you would give anything to have to deal with, look at or correct everyday if that person was able to come back into your life? Well, that is where I am right now. 

For those of you who know us well, you know that the pile of shoes in my bedroom by where Steve sat and put his shoes and socks on every morning bugged me continuously but I never got mad at him over it, did he know that it drove me crazy, yes, but I never harped on it because although we have a closet 15-20 steps away, that was where it was convenient to change his shoes. The cleaning lady eventually learned if she put them on the rug she could slide them around the room to wash the floor, without having to pick them all up or put them on the bed or couch or chair to mop. He had work shoes, outside gardening/hobby shoes, everyday shoes and of course the shoes with the tags still on them that become new work shoes and the work shoes are retired to hobby shoes... 

My hubby was all about convenience. He had multiples of stuff in the garage, out in the garden areas, the tack shed, we have hoses in every animal pen, the orchard, citrus grove, pool area, turn out area, we have multiple gates so you could turn around vehicles and trailers and not have to back up if you don't want to, and the list goes on and on. He had most of same tools and smokers and grills in both locations so he didn't have to haul stuff back and forth to our cabin. It was out of convenience more so than laziness. He was well known for doing a project and needing a tool and asking if it was okay to buy something verses rent it because even though in hindsight buying it was a little more expensive, "Dani, you just never know when you may need to use it again, and then it is here and paid for!" Most of the time my answer was "yes, that makes sense go ahead." If Paxton or I ever have to buy a tool again I would be quite surprised. Is this way more convenient? Yes, am I glad that he set me up for success in finding almost anything I want to know about taking care of my property and all the things he has designed and created and set up, heck yes! I am truly grateful that his convenience OCD was part of his personality. 

It does make sense, it makes my life a lot easier than my previous way of life where you make do with what you have and you work around what you don't, as my parents never made a lot of money, but I never remember growing up wanting for much. I was happy with what I have. I am still happy with what I have and extremely grateful for what we built together and his keen sense of pride in his projects and doing things right the first time. We bought stuff when we could afford it and it has collected. In my upbringing you bought what you needed and saved money and saved money for a rainy day or a future need, but not sure where that comes into play, both my parents died relatively young at 54 and 66 and they surely couldn't take any of that money with them. Enjoy what you have while you are alive with the money you have to spend. By no means am I telling you to go rack up credit cards, I am telling you to enjoy what you have and what you can afford. It is okay to want more, strive for more, and working harder toward your goals and long as you are grateful for what you already have. 

Monday after the horrible, emotional day that I had (mind you some of it I created because I just couldn't shake the sadness so my attitude was hard for me to change), I decided that after 75 days since he has stepped foot in our home and almost 7 weeks since he has passed away, I am tired of looking at the pile of shoes everyday and retired them to our closet. I felt a sense of my OCD decide that they just needed to be put away and remove the clutter in my head of looking at them everyday. And that is ok. I was ready and I have a higher sense of peace. 

Now to figure out why he would never hang the hand towel back up on the towel ring in the bathroom and it lay crumbled up on the sink, because seriously it might take 2 seconds to do this I will never know, because I never asked and always just hung it back up. I would give anything to see the crumbled up towel in Steve style just one more time. 

So the next time you are quick to get angry from some small irritation that your significant other might have, stop and think how much you would give anything to experience it again if that person was gone, did it really matter enough to make such a big stink about it?  

I thank God every day that I am not an angry person, easy to forgive and very understanding. Everyone of us has some sort of idiosyncrasy that makes us who we are. We are never all going to agree on everything because we are unique individuals! Celebrate or differences. They make us who we are. 

Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 ESV 

Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.