I get louder closer to the bell

Believe it or not, I love having my kid home. I hear lots of moms during breaks talk about how they can't wait to get their kids back to school for one reason or another. I on the other hand love having him home. I also love not being so rushed, maybe that is selfish, but it is true. Deadlines or scheduled times often get me flustered. Do I get annoyed sometimes that he is "bored" or loud and sometimes doesn't understand why you can't play with friends 24/7 or they are unable to come over or do something- YES! However I prefer this to the hustle and bustle of the grind of getting him up, making him get ready, arguing whether he has shoes and socks on before we walk out the door or if he has brushed his teeth or combed his hair- when he wants a particular sweatshirt that he can’t find right then and won’t think of settling for anything else even though he has like 8 more hanging in his closet. This just makes me get more frustrated, angrier and even louder that the 27 warnings I already gave that we needed to leave so he wasn’t late. Does getting louder make him act quicker? I wished I could say you betcha…. I honestly think it should but I actually think it makes him less likely to hurry! Mind you in 5 years at this school he has never been tardy even once so I am not sure why I continue to stress out almost every morning that it will make him late.

Maybe it is in my blood but I hate being late, I hate getting stressed or anxiety over the thought of it even, but I do A LOT and I am certain it is almost always unnecessary! I get louder and louder the closer it is to the bell ringing! I wake up in the morning, in my head able to get every single thing I think I can get done before walking out the door whether I am just dropping him at school or I had to also get up earlier to get myself ready and do all the morning rituals because I wasn’t coming straight back home. I will guesstimate 8 out of 10 times it never goes the way it comes together in my head, I am rushed, stressed or something comes up that doesn’t fit into my neat and perfect morning that I already planned out in my head the night before. I think maybe I need to make it a ritual to write it all down before bed, cause in my head it seems to go a lot smoother.

I do myself no favor by getting stressed, angry or yelling… I don’t even know why I do it. It seriously doesn’t prove to be effective at all and usually makes someone else in our home in an even worse mood than we started out. I can wake up perfectly happy and ready for the day and one little irritation causes my mood to change… and as a mom I say over and over again to myself and my readers our MOM mood often sets the mood of the household… sometimes I even think the dogs are affected by it! I think it is my coping mechanism that yelling release some endorphins that need to be released for me to again turn back to calm after the build of anxiety within. But sometimes by then it is too late and someone else carries that negativity the rest of the day, whether I can release it in 2.0 seconds my other household personalities take it and make it into their mood.

That is one thing I truly miss about my mom… we could blow up at each other, yelling one minute and crying and hugging the next. This morning, I tried to make a pact with Paxton that no matter how much he makes my blood boil to the point of yelling at him for things he isn’t doing, that we can learn to blow up and forgive quickly. I started crying telling him how much I missed that which I had with my mom… he understood but just as he needs to try and just complete a task the first time I ask instead of the 6^th so that it keeps me sane, I need to try to take 5 deep breaths or walk away for a minute of calm, before I create an unnecessary storm that can set the mood negatively for the whole day.

Seriously sometimes I wish life marriage and kids came with an instruction booklet, but then again figuring it out on our own, trying different things, breaking bad habits and creating an environment that works for your family is far more challenging and rewarding then opening up to page 5 and completing the 3 tasks someone else has instructed you to do on the way to act and react in every situation.

Trust that God can guide you in what to say and how to say it you just have to remember to ask for help and somehow in those moments if you silently ask for help before responding, the answer on how to handle the situation comes. Don’t get so busy that you can’t take that split second to make a better decision and response. Answer with intent don’t react with anger, taking that extra second can sometimes waste less time than fixing what you messed up by your immediate reaction.

Speak kindly to yourself

 I spent half of last night crying my eyes out, stuck in my head again talking the talk that drives me crazy but is so easy to fall into the trap of doing. “ how stupid could you be, why didn’t you check the box, why did you throw trash on top, why didn’t you dump everything out before taking it outside, why are you so stupid, why are you so dumb" and all the crazy things I say to myself when I get mad at myself.  I went to bed with a stuffed-up nose and headache feeling exhausted and like I failed AGAIN! Super productive closing to a otherwise normal and happy day. 

How often does this happen, the day is going great, wonderful, things are moving right along and then BAM- I do something stupid that I totally could have controlled. As a wife, mom, friend, businesswomen I somehow am so hard on myself and have expectations that I just cannot always meet. I do many things, sometimes too many, but have said yes for so long it is hard to stop and slow down.And when a family member has to point out that maybe you should add one more thing to your plate, the guilt of my busyness just sinks in! It is a constant battle all the time to take my time, be more thorough and a little less “lazy”. But sometimes it is hard to fit it all in or I am just tired and not as young as I used to be. 

 I do need to remind myself that just because I do stupid things, I am not stupid. I am also trying to focus on not displaying putting myself down in front of my child who I am trying to protect from creating this bad habit himself…which I am starting to see and it pains me to watch and try to correct it when he often sees it displayed and honestly guys it is so hard to keep myself in check! I do not want him to suffer with this battling inner negative self talk as I do and have for so many years, People think I have my shit together and honestly I try hard to portray that I do most of the time- but I think we all do this- we all fall into the trap of putting our-self down for our mistakes. I am not perfect I never will be and I might as well share that I am just a hot mess as any of the rest.

Last week Paxton got the catcher’s gear we ordered, and the box had been setting in my living room… I hate clutter and wanted to get the box outside, I asked Paxton to put it in the garage, later I had put a bag of trash and frozen pizza boxes on top which signified to Steve it was garbage to set the whole thing out for garbage day yesterday! He happened to be off yesterday and helpful, cleaning my kitchen, vacuuming the whole house while I worked! On any other occasion I would have been so grateful and I was but then I was like why did he have to take out that box?? !  Oh, why oh why could I have not taken that trash straight out to the ummmm trash can the other night! Why did I have to toss it in the box?

UGH.. I didn’t realize under the plastic bag and packing stuff from the gear were 2 pads that were pertinent to the chest protector. I had grabbed the two red things I saw laying at the top of the box out the day before but didn’t bother to dig through the box before asking Paxton to remove it from my living room floor. At glance I didn't notice anything else of importance in there! I normally break boxes down before I throw them in the trash but apparently there was enough room and Steve being helpful yesterday morning just threw the box trash, pads and all right into our dumpster.

Was it an accident? Well yes by definition, anything that isn’t intentional to me is an accident, but most of the time accidents can be prevented and that is when it takes the biggest toll on your mind and it races with what you could have, should have and didn’t do to have prevented it. This brand new, very expensive item that I now have to try and replace a small portion of it with out spending the money for the whole thing not only is a waste of my money, if I can’t get the two missing pads and a waste of my time trying to get it, making calls and begging for favors when I could be being productive doing something else.

Sometimes the things I do to save myself time end up being the things that cost more time, effort, negative energy and headache than if I would have looked through the box- left it in my house until I broke it down and completely cleared it out or took the 1 small bag of trash I threw on top of the box, 15 more feet out the garage door and into the dumpster, yep, that would have been the right choice, maybe not the late at night just set it out the garage door into the house I will get it on my next trip out the garage kind of lazy attitude that at the time felt like a great choice!

I know that life is a learning experience but sometimes the costs are great and so avoidable. Climbing inside my head telling myself how stupid I am because that is the way I am feeling, doesn’t really make it better, it doesn’t make the pads come back, erase the situation or have me go back in time to do over – in creating that hostile attacking environment in my mind it just causes more stress, ailments and emotional exhaustion… so why is it so easy to do? Somehow someway it makes me feel better for a split second that I can blame my stupidity and relieves the pain of something that I caused. I am not sure how to explain it, but I know I am not the only one who attacks myself quietly and verbally because of my inadequacies. But it takes twice as much time to build that self-talk back into a positive spirit, once you are in repair mode! Self-confidence, self esteem and self-worth can be broken down in a lot less time than it takes to build it back up.

Try to correct your inner thoughts the minute they start to go south, as the attack is huge, and the recovery can be long. A person is way more important than a thing, even when money is involved or pride of ownership is considered. As a human, we make mistakes, sometimes they are huge at the time and trivial in the grand scheme of things –no matter what they seem like in the moment- especially as time goes on when you can’t even remember what you got so upset about. Have you ever fought with someone and then a while later honestly can't remember what the fight was about no matter how hard you try? Negative self-talk is like fighting with yourself and then not even remembering what you got so upset with yourself in the first place down the road when looking back! Yet the vast reality at the time it is happening to you is so major because you are living it in that moment. Hard as it might be while you are experiencing the setback, trying to consider the long-term effects, take a few deep breaths, walk-away, occupy your mind with something else and ease up on yourself- you might just be glad you did.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush said

 "Nobody is perfect,

 look for the good in others, forget the rest" 

I want to add and 

"start with you...

Forgive yourself."

Is there an instruction manual regarding fair?

I wrote last week about feelings being neither right nor wrong and that we really cannot tell someone how to feel. This week we had to deal with our son and an issue on the playground because he didn’t think someone was being fair. I think all of this in life encounter this at one time or another, and maybe sometimes we don’t feel anything is fair. We had to have a talk with him on what is right and wrong and that sometimes even if you think you are right it is a better idea to walk away then to press about him needing to be right because he feels he is right! Even if he is sticking up for someone else in a situation that may not really involve him, he wants it to be fair for the other person. Who determines fair?

We had to tell him that just like feelings are neither right nor wrong… they are your feelings… every one’s perception of what is right or wrong or fair may not be the same. Not everyone can be right all the time, not everyone is the winner. In this society we have grown accustom to everyone getting a trophy for participating… especially with the younger kids. “It is only fair that they all have done a good job.” In my opinion it gives kids the wrong impression that life will be fair, and everyone is a winner for trying… which as we get older, we know isn’t true. In life, in the job field when you are up for a promotion or a spot on a competitive team, it is definitely a flight or fight- who is the best qualified, who works the hardest and honestly sometimes winning is a popularity contest and has nothing to do with skill at all! Heck even in sporting events there is only one team that wins- not both can win, even if they both played their absolute best there is only one winner. Yet we tell them if they do their best that is all that matters, kids, especially boys, can be competitive and want to win in their own mind they want to look favorable to their friends and get picked and want to be a part of the group and look good enough to be included. Not everyone can be first pick and not everyone makes the right call. Look at the NFL or MLB or any other professional sport out there. They have officials sitting in some room somewhere waiting to review calls that are challenged.  Their egos at a young age drive them to be right, to fit in and to want to be the best. This will carry over into adulthood as those of us who are seasoned in life already know is coming.

This young age of 8-12 is where these kids see other kids excel at certain things and they wonder why they don’t. They see what they lack and not what their strengths are that the other person doesn’t have. We often carry that into adulthood where we become jealous to the point, we start bad mouthing our inability to perform like the other person or we are so upset that we can't be like that person our anger just turns to plain meanness. Who knows what goes on inside our head as a kid, but I know when my kid starts to call himself dumb because someone else is better than him or when he makes a mistake that he is feeling inferior and cannot see that he excels in other areas of his life that those boys might wish they did? Humans tend to want what they don’t have- curly hair instead of straight, blue eyes instead of brown, body parts like someone else, musical ability instead of sports, be able to assemble something rather than be book smart and vice versa. If we could all just accept the talents we are given and roll with it, verses wasting time trying to be what we are not- the world would fit together a lot better. But we are broken, and we constantly strive to compete not because we want to necessarily be better than the next person, but we want to be as good as they are at something we may not be suppose to!

How do I teach my kid to walk away from a challenge or an argument in such a competitive world, without making him seem like he is backing down or giving in or giving up on his beliefs or idea of what is right or fair? Yes, that I haven’t figured out just yet. He didn’t come with an instruction manual and not all people are created equally in the way the perceive, feel, value or need to be treated in order to react in a certain way. The instruction manual is written daily, based on what works and what doesn’t and has quite a few cross outs and eraser marks along the way.
Teach your kids to try and do the right thing whatever that maybe in their mind, that there are times to stand up for what you believe in and times when it is worth just letting the other person think they are right and letting go or stop trying to convince them that you are. It is a tough road and these judgments are based off experience, age, knowledge and each person’s perception. This is definitely why the world is broken- not everyone thinks the same. Unfortunately, we are not in control of our child’s thoughts… all we can do as a parent is try hard every day to be a good example to them. Their little minds absorb everything they see and hear, and parents are the most influential model most of the time for them. I know I won’t be a perfect example, but I can try hard to be a good one.

Proverbs 22:1 A good reputation is more desirable than great wealth, and favorable acceptance more than silver and gold.

Morning Motivation!

So I read a lot for motivation. I love to listen to other people's stories and experiences and the things they do to keep themselves at the top of their game! I am self motivating but I have to stay on top of myself every day. I am work in progress... that will never be perfected. Every day is a new start, yesterday whether good or bad should not determine how my today will go. Years ago I placed motivational quotes on both my master bath and above my desk in my office. I got in the habit of reciting them every day.. until I stopped. LOL. Why because I already knew what I was saying. 

 I think sometimes when we do something repeatedly, it becomes habit and sometimes habits are good and bad and sometimes they become so routine we don't really process them.

Have you ever been driving and wonder how you got to where you were going? Your brain goes on auto pilot and you aren't really even paying attention. I think a lot of things in life are like that. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes you need to shake it up. If you keep doing what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten they say! That is kind of like a tongue twister but true. 

Sometimes when we repeat the same thing over an over again it really loses its meaning. Like the sayings, quotes and advise I have had on my mirror and wall for a few years. I say them but am I listening to it in my head, or am I off somewhere else like when I am driving and can't remember how I got there. I grew up Catholic and there was a lot of memorizing prayers and songs. Stuff you say over and over again. You know it but are you feeling it when you say it or are you doing it out of obligation? 

A client of mine posted on her wall this morning, " Wherever you are, be all there!" That has a lot of meaning. I have written before about how hard it is to wear my mom hat, change to my Realtor hat, my wife hat, my volunteer hat and so on. Sometimes we need to just step back and concentrate on what we are doing at the present moment, whether it is listening to our kid talk about something they saw on You Tube that we are genuinely not interested in so we are looking at our phone at the same time, or we are multitasking to save time yet we skip a step in our dinner making,or we are reading our morning motivation hoping to inspire our self to be better.

All I know is that I need to keep striving to be in my moment and not fast forwarding so much I miss living it now. I am going to change up my mirror motivation every week this hopefully will help me stay focused, not allow the routine to mute my motivation and give me something to constantly do better at! Maybe with this change I can also increase my time in the moment- stay motivated on a regular basis and not let the monotony of the routine that is suppose to motivate me allow me to get bored that I stop listening or trying. 

Mama Bear

I grew up with parents who struggled, who argued, who loved, one who wore emotions on their sleeve and another who harbored them inside . A mother who yelled (I see this trait in myself and I struggle often with trying to not be the yeller- and it seems to haunt me every time) ( A father who would shut down- escape to the T.V. or “go for a drive” to cool off when they argued).  I remember the good and tough times. I say though times, because bad times to me reflects something that you are trying to get out of, something that you no longer want. Tough times to me mean that you are trying to resolve a situation or find a better way, but you are not wanting to quit, give up or leave.

As I got a little older my parents became part of a group called Marriage Encounter where they gave weekends for married couples, not only to enrich marriages but to decrease the gap in communication sometimes married couples experience as well as increase the amount and quality of communication they displayed with one another.  They would dialogue a lot through written communication by basic questions they answered to each other in notebooks they kept to themselves. They would write, read the other persons and then discuss what they were feeling about the other one’s answers together, it helped them process their thoughts verses lashing out at the other person verbally and they always had the understanding that no matter what they read, the other person’s feelings were neither right nor wrong. Years later when my mom died, I shredded 2 entire boxes of notebooks that she had kept after my died passed away. For a hot second I wanted to read some of those dialogues to understand my parents better, to maybe improved my own communication with my husband- but I decided that communication alone was something totally intimate and totally unique to their relationship and I chose not to. The biggest thing I learned in the years that they were a part of this group, as they improved communication in our home, with one another and the way they looked at outside situations, the way they treated me as well as what I learned when they prepared for their presentations- even though at my young age I was not involved in most of what they discussed in preparation (some of it was too personal and some of it things a 8-13 year old kid doesn’t need to know about their parent’s intimacy) was that feelings are neither right nor wrong! We cannot control someone else’s feelings or mindset! We can control how we act or react. We can control what we do and say, but not how it makes someone else feel. No matter how good of intentions we have when we present our self to someone else, there is always a chance that they will not receive it the way we intended.

Even after what I learned as a child, now that I am married with a family, my first instinct is to want to be protective of my husband and son when someone else hurts their feelings, I want to not only make them feel better, take away any hurt or try to get them to understand and look at things from someone else’s view. I cannot however control, change or expect them to feel another way then they do.

 Life is hard you guys! Sometimes we don't always cope the way we expect or want to or play out in our head. With some recent complications that our family has experienced, I want more , than anything to make things turn out differently, I want to be a protective “MAMA BEAR” I am a fixer, I am a peace maker, I want everyone to see eye to eye- forgive and forget and move on- but I have to remember that we are all unique individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, emotions, understandings, skills, talents and differences. With that said if we all thought, acted, felt, celebrated, lived, grieved, loved and approached our circumstances the same, we may as well be robots living a very mundane and boring life. I need to remember that sometimes just stepping back and letting things unfold as they are suppose to is the best decision I can make on behalf of my family dynamic no matter how much it pains me to want to protect and control the situation and fix the issues.

The very thing that sometimes tears people, friends, and relationships apart is the very thing that we need to celebrate… being unique individuals that all contribute in some way to this circle of life. The universe revolves because we all bring something different to it. We cannot always control our situation or our circumstances, we don’t always know why things have to work out the way they do, we cannot rewind; go back; erase and start over… we can only go forward, celebrate who we are as individuals, be respectful of those who we have a difference of opinion with whether we continue with that relationship getting past our differences, or we must eliminate those relationships that we cannot repair due to not understanding where someone else is coming from, our huge egos of wanting to believe what we are thinking is right and someone else’s thoughts are not.

We think and feel based on every notch that has happened on our timeline called life, everything we have experienced affects the way we act, feel and respond- whether in a good way or a bad way. And since we haven’t all experienced the same notches on our timeline, we cannot expect that everyone will do everything the same!

Through all the things I have been through in my life, I have to remember every day that this is a new chance to be a good person, to try to help others in every way that I can, to give life 100% to count my blessings and to be me. No matter how hard I want to fix something or someone, I can only change myself, my thoughts, my beliefs, my actions, reactions and ideals. We are each only responsible for our self… we can choose to be a good example or not, we can love unconditionally or not, we can embrace life, or we can crawl inside our heads with worry, negative thoughts or self-talk that can ruin our lives, our relationships or our accomplishments. As a human race we are flawed, we all experience pain, set-backs, hurt and struggles. It is when we allow those things to take over instead of letting go and bouncing back or learning to cope and adjust to other people’s reactions, decisions, ideas and personalities that we continue to make the world revolve in harmony with one another.

Remember you can choose how you live your life, but not how someone else lives theirs or responds to yours. Don’t force the world to conform to your ideals, embrace a world that exists based on everyone’s differences. We are all contributing parts of the whole.

Excerpts from 1 Corinthians 12 Now concerning^[a] spiritual gifts,^[b] brothers,^[c] I do not want you to be uninformed…¹² For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ… ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? ¹⁸ But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. ¹⁹ If all were a single member, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts,^[e] yet one body. ²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. ²⁸ And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? ³¹ But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

Stepping down to step ahead

Welcome to the 21^st century…where we as members are busy all of the time. If we are not running from one thing to the next we are run down from so much running. I am so busy going from one project to the next, which I did mention in previous posts is really what keeps me going. When I have too much time to think I sometimes get a creeping of depression that moves itself right in. The year before last it settled in for a little while and I had much to do to get it to move out. I did but it took awhile, most people probably didn’t notice and I got back into my busy groove of things with a whole new perspective and have been going ever since. Once in a while it rears its ugly head and tries with all its might, sometimes it can stay a day or two, but too much positivism on this end for it to be welcomed for much longer than that.

With said busy schedule sometimes I am challenged with priorities and what order they need to come verses what order they come based off of not only financial need sometimes but certain levels of commitment that have been promised. 4 years ago I said YES to yet another volunteer position which I happily took on because not only do I love to plan events I am a people person and it was right up my alley of things I knew that I could do. 2 years later after much enjoyment creating, planning and executing this position I tried to pass it off to someone else to carry the torch and use their talents to continue. With no one else who stepped up I was easily convinced that I was needed 1 more year. Another year went by and yet more convincing to stay- I thought about leaving and trying something new, a few friends suggested to run for School Board, I thought about it for quick minute but decided I am really not political and I didn’t want to jump from 1 big commitment to another-

 So I heard you are good at what you do they said, you make a difference… all feel good things… so with a little more reluctantance then the previous year I accepted staying on as President for 1 more year - I stayed under certain conditions of eliminating some of the projects that we worked hard at and were time consuming but made little progress in return. The commitments are always fantastic! Everyone who knows me knows I love to give and give and give! I have a hard time saying no and I always give 100% and enjoy what I am doing, I enjoy seeing others enjoy what I have prepped and planned for and I love working with individuals who do and feel the same. Over the last 4 years I have had great team members, volunteers, behind the scenes helpers and community members who have really helped me throughout the years give back as much as we have to the school and community. I have enjoyed being in charge of organizing things with others help, I have loved loved loved watching the kids benefit and the changes that have been made, the things that have been bought to benefit the school  and the friendships that have developed. With this said I have been feeling most recently that this would be my final year in my position. That it was time for me to move on to something else whether that be family time, personal time, work-out time or whatnot or some other position that God sends in my direction. Hopefully it is small and doesn’t consume any of my time… hahahaha.

Saying this saddens me but I know my limits, I know how far I can go. I can give something 100% until I can’t. And, when I can’t I know it is time to be done, to move on and to let someone else give their passion to the cause! And as in past years that I have let others convince me that no one else wants to do what I do, this year I have decided that it is no longer my responsibility to keep doing it because no one else wants to! Frankly guys, I am tired. I have really enjoyed it all and have really learned a lot, about myself and others but it is time and I am ready. I still want to remain helpful- but I want to step back from being in charge, running the show, having the responsibility or whatever you want to call it! Someone will step up, someone will do just as good of job if not better and I can and should be at peace with myself that I am doing the best thing for me that I possibly can, with no regret.

Don’t get me wrong, helping and volunteering is in my blood but stepping back re-evaluating my noisy world filled with distractions, temptations, frustrations, stresses, feeling like things fall on me for responsibility, and complications is just what is needed to maintain my happiness levels at a reasonable level… not only is good for my soul, but for the sanity of my family. When I take a lot on my plate sometimes they suffer from my stress and frustrations of wanting everything to work out “perfect as planned”. As we all know that isn’t the case. Sometimes we can control things and sometimes we can’t, it is when we can’t that we are most tested. Sometimes I am good at allowing things to happen as they will and other times I try to keep control even when I know I can’t because I somehow feel it is my responsibility. And when you allow the commotion of a plethora of other things distract you from your number one priority that is when you are doing your loved ones a disservice and even yourself. It works for a while, but not forever. When you try to manage too many things is when things begin to break down, just as you can’t be good at EVERYTHING, you can’t juggle too many things either- because something is bound to suffer and you cannot give everything you do 100%, be an expert in every field or control every situation.

When I announced that I would not be returning to the PTA as President next year I did so with full conviction that this is the best thing for my family and I, for the PTA and for the person it will allow to grow in this position whoever that may be. It is not my responsibility to find someone to replace me and it is not my responsibility if no one claims it. I say that with a hint of guilt, but honestly I need to learn that saying No (and I have said this countless times to myself and as advise to others) is OK! Life goes on, things still get done and I will never regret my choice to let go.

Reshuffling my priorities feels great! I am ready and I am grateful for the experiences that I have had which I have developed additions to my resume called life.

People are happy if they can do what they think is right without feeling guilty. – Romans 14:22

Perfectly Imperfect

Happy New Year Everyone! I have had a lot of thoughts in my head and just haven't had the time or the organization to write them down. So now that I do... here you go!
Post 1 of 2019.
If you are a mom like me, I don't tend to be in a lot of photos.... the reasoning is two-fold, I am very critical of myself and I am usually the one taking all the photos. I am not a huge selfie taker, although I have been known to try. I don't have the right angle most of the time and I am not techy enough to figure out filters. But then again, is using a filter really showing the real me?!
Just to be silly I took a selfie in my bedroom Christmas morning with an unmade bed, messy bed head, glasses and leftover Christmas Eve Makeup-  I posted this photo amongst 30 other photos of Christmas- definitely not my most favorite photo, but there was something I did like about it... but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Would I make it my profile picture.... probably not unless there was some sort of temporary au-nautral challenge. hahaha.. Never did I think out of 30 photos posted, stuck somewhere in the middle  it would  be the one that got the most likes and attention. Very unexpected.
When I was a kid I was a total HAM! I loved the camera, I loved to smile, I loved to be silly. I still love to smile, but not when a camera is shoved in my face!
With age and I am sure this is like most people, our life experiences, media, others opinions of us or what we think we should look like, act like and perform like, harden, we loose that sense of freedom and self confidence and some of us develop camera shyness! Whether it be aging, wrinkles, gaining weight, life tradgedies, some sadness behind our eyes,not enough sleep or just being very skeptical, critical or wanting to avoid some sort of judgement! We practice this camera shyness more often than we need to!
Do I need to be so critical of myself, probably not! I am my own worst critic and I am sure that others are not judging me to the extent that I judge myself. I need to relax more, smile more, enjoy more and find that inner HAM that once was and tune into her joy, happiness, fun and just go with life's flow. Accept the things I can't change, age with grace - take care of my body, love myself.... and on and on.
I was recently asked to be part of a promotional video for Paladin Sports... My first idea was to say I was busy. I don't really feel comfortable being in front of the camera, I immediately think I am not as beautiful as the of the other ladies asked - and I remembered that God sees all of our beauty... it isn't always on the outside at first glance, but shines on the outside when we reflect our inner beauty.
I know in my heart I am beautiful, kind, loving, caring, considerate- I try to put everyone else first, I am beautiful by God's mercy and grace and that does reflect on my outside but seems to crawl in a shell like our tortoise Mario when I am asked to show it!  I may not have the perfect body the perfect hair the perfect skin- but I am perfectly imperfect.... and that is ok. It is what makes me unique and should make me love myself even more.
My goal for 2019 is to enjoy more camera time, make more memories, smile behind my eyes and not just for a pose. To be happier to just be me. If more of us were happy with ourselves the way we are we wouldn't lose so much time being unhappy trying to be like someone else who God never intended us to be.
I am kind I am loving, I am caring and considerate.. .these are all traits of me to other people, I need to practice more of these traits with myself. I am going to start by making a poster collage of 10-12 pictures that I like of me- ones that make me smile immediately just like the photo-something to look at and reflect on everyday... a way to remind me to smile, to find that inner child, inner happiness and reflect it in my eyes, in my smile and in my reflection on a daily basis, through the good and evil, the easy and the hard days.
Take time today to write down your goals, to write down your best features and to take a little more of your kid self and re-create it! If you need a constant reminder like I do- make a visual boost for yourself. You will be glad you did. Afterall you are made in the image and likeness of God himself... who are we to question that!

Actually, no one is perfect – apart from Jesus. But God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son to die for us (John 3:16). Therefore God must love imperfect people. In fact, ‘While we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8).

To sleep or not to sleep, what a hard question!

Disclaimer, this is kind of long! However I have come to the conclusion after listening to a fellow author, that I need to just state that I am writing for me. It is my therapy. If someone reads it great, if no one does great, If someone relates to me great, if they critique the heck out of me great. It is first and foremost for me. If you continue on enjoy and I hope that if you relate in some way it helps you get through something in your life. As woman we tend to feel we have to portray this persona where we have it all put together, we can carry the weight of the world on our shoulders not only for us but everyone else and look good doing it! Girlfriend, I am here to tell you we all have a lot of the same struggles and insecurities and a little support from our equally hot mess friends can go a long way! Our life didn’t come with an instruction manual so get out there and be you. Share your experiences and put others minds at ease with what self-talk is going on in their head.

I have been struggling for the last 3 weeks on whether our almost 13 year old dog Chopper should be put to sleep at the Vet. He was diagnosed with cancer over 3 years ago now. I lost a golden retriever to cancer when I was growing up and so I never really thought our Chopper would live for 3 years. I knew someday would be the day or the time that we would have to make these decisions but never really knew when. This is the dog Steve and I got the year after we were married, our first official "being" that we were responsible for together in our adult lives. It was something that had many emotions attached to it. Chopper was a trooper! He had been through a lot of stuff! He has always been a happy dog! No matter what he seemed to always look at you with a smile on his face. Even when you scolded him, when he ate our leather couch after a Superbowl party one time - I swear someone spilled something on it, Steve begged to differ and just said he was bored. At any rate, he got in trouble and was still happy. The time Steve went out of town for a weekend, Paxton was probably only 1-2 years old. There was one of his stuffed animals on mine and Steve’s bed and Chopper picked it up and started playing with it. This didn't sit with Tracker so well and he attacked him. Long story short he actually bit off part of his ear. I doctored it up, but I will tell you if the people who bought our house ever looked with a black light at the walls in our hallway... not sure what they would think, I scrubbed walls for 2 days. Still missing a piece of ear to me equals pain... result happy looking dog! We moved into our new home over 4 years ago and were not here too long when the horse Jasper we inherited with the house was not all to happy when our herding Catahoula nipped at his heels and decided kicking would show him. Oh yes poor Chopper' s side was skinned wide open. I bandaged and doctored that thing for weeks... never once did he seem like he was hurting... happy dog. About the time the thing totally healed (and for those of you who ever incur a pet injury of this magnitude, organic raw honey and melaluca (tea tree oil) works wonders bandaged with an ace bandage to keep the dirt out)- his scar was barely noticeable.  To our detriment, Steve shut one of the fence gates not realizing Chopper was coming out with him and skinned open his side again... yep, same side different location! I couldn't make his stuff up. No problem, happy dog! Looking back on it I wish that I was able to handle pain and life as carefree and lackadaisical as this dog! How unfair.

Even the last 3 weeks of his life where he had his up and down days- the awful day where he slid around the tile and fell on his face a few time,  I was near ready to take him to the Vet and Steve and Paxton begged me not to. We had our difference in opinion on whether we were killing the dog or we were doing what God entrusted us to do which is have dominion over the decisions of our animals. I clearly saw he was in pain and the boys clearly saw he was still eating, getting up on his own (most of the time) and hanging in the kitchen for treats. Even the day he died he walked around our whole yard, laid down by the horses for a bit, sat next to the chicken coop, even messed with the tortoise through the fence a little. Even though he slept most of the day, often need help getting up and when he couldn't on his own and we weren't around unable to control going to the bathroom just wherever he was lying. He became super skinny, completely picky on what he ate and sometimes laid in the same spot for hours upon hours. Still having the happy smile on his face, begging for treats as he always did at the pantry door. It was so hard to decide if I was making the right decision based off of what I thought of his pain level and whether or not his quality of life was worth ending or if he still had some life in him.

We went back and forth as a family on what to do this was the hardest decision I had to make as an adult caregiver in my whole life. How do you decide to end a pet’s life? Rewind a few years, we did have to make the decision to have a horse put to sleep- it was Paxton's amazing horse Lady, and she had Colic all night and by the time we discovered her in the morning it was too late, she had rolled all night with that upset stomach. For those of you who are not familiar with horses, they don't lie down for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, their stomach are too long and big, they don’t sit right for their size and things get bunched up inside. When they lay and roll they end up twisting their stomach and it doesn't bounce back to its normal shape. Horses actually sleep standing up. We couldn't get her to get up or stay up and the Vet who came out highly suggested we put her down because she was at the point of no return to health, but who knows how a long painful death that you could clearly see, this was an emergency situation and the best decision we all felt for her. It is hard to ignore 1000 lb helpless animal lying in the middle of my yard.

With Chopper and his ups and downs in a few weeks’ time, I confess I prayed every night over him when I went to bed that he just wouldn’t be awake when I woke up! Morbid sounding I am sure, however I truly felt that I somehow wanted to communicate to him that although he didn’t act like he was suffering because he always seemed like a happy dog, that we loved him and he had given our family everything it needed in the long season he was here and it was ok to move on to a better place and be free. He didn’t ever look too sad or sick. Maybe that was his way of protecting us from any deep hurt of seeing him struggle more than he was letting on. I want to say I will never know if I made the right decision hanging onto him for those last 3 weeks before he died which I thought seemed peacefully on his own, in our home. But I am glad that my boys talked me out of the decision to end Chopper’s life sooner than he did. I wanted to fix it, I wanted him to be free, I wanted him to struggle no more. The few weeks he was here made us appreciate him more and what he has contributed to our lives. My son says he was the glue of the family. He made everyone happy; he comforted him when he was sad. I remember when my mom died he laid in the room she was in every day for weeks.

I think pets do go to Heaven, especially ones like Chopper, who love unconditionally, embrace their environment and never let anything including pain and struggles wipe the smile from their face. They were born to live this life, to be a friend, a companion, a listener, they don’t argue with us, they are a pick me up when we are down and here to celebrate with us when we are happy! As a friend told me “dogs are sent here to show us the love of Jesus, they forgive and wipe the slate clean never looking back, and they listen and are there in times of despair and in time of rejoicing. They don’t live long because they are pure and don’t need to learn the lessons that we as broken humans do”… thanks Katie.

I am not sure everyone thinks pets go to Heaven, in fact some theologian’s will argue they do not, but I believe that whether they do or do not it is a good form of practice to just believe that they do. It gives us a sense of encouragement that they’re here while they need to be and we will see them again in the future. Friends can come and go, relationships can change, and people can be in your life for short periods of time. Today I am forever grateful for Chopper. I am grateful for his undeniable happiness in this life, for his demeanor which could turn the crappiest of days into a lighter moment just by his dopy smile. Happy Dog he was and I truly believe he has helped form the person I have become in his happy dog way.

If you are struggling with the decision with having your pet put to sleep I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. I think it is individual decision and what is right for your family and your pet’s situation. Be strong and go forward as you need, not second guessing or regretting what you choose. God gave us dominion over animals in Genesis 1. I believe this includes making the right decisions for their care.

Rest in Peace my dear Chopper… I look forward to playing tug of war with you again someday.

Even Fish Killers Must Embrace Grace

So not sure how many of you mamas are like me, but sometimes my “to do” list is 2 pages long, double-sided college ruled!  Who in their right mind thinks that they can accomplish that in a week sometimes let alone a day. But like the bulk of us, we try, we push, we stress, we perform like we can shove it all in. Having a job like mine where you are constantly on the go, your day could change from one minute to the next depending on your client needs, or whatever else may be thrown you way. It is the negative beauty, I call it working for yourself with a flexible schedule… most often I say I work for myself which in essence is true, but I am delegated and obligated by the needs of my clients, who essentially are the ones who pay my bills, so I do my best to always be able to jump at the spur of a moment if necessary.

When you have a long list of things to accomplish, sometimes things get put off for a later date, the end of the list or get rolled to the next day, and the next and the next… you get the picture. One of these things is cleaning out the fish tank. Is it a hard job? Not really, it is just often inconvenient at times, and time consuming. You have to vacuum the rock, drain some water, condition and replace the water… then when your vacuum breaks and you have to go buy a new one that adds to your list of “to do” which  I said I try to prioritize, try being the key word. I put buying the new aquarium vacuum off until I had enough time to make it to a pet store to purchase. Finally this week I was able to take the time to swing into Petco… where the clerk convinced me to buy the more expensive vacuum that is automatic and hooks up to your sink and vacuums, removes old water and can be refilled automatically verses the manual one where you have to pump it out and refill the tank with buckets of water.  Of course they were out of them. Insert eye roll here, story of my life. So I purchased the manual one just in case and ordered the sink one from Amazon Prime. I waited until Friday when it came to try it out before opening the manual one, because if you are anything like me you want to save money and if the sink contraption was as amazing as the lady said, you would definitely return the manual one for a refund. Who wants to spend money twice right?

Friday came and I was so excited to open the box and get started, yes me who likes to put cleaning the fish tank off because it is somewhat inconvenient! After busting open the package, you know these things are never consumer  friendly, the hard plastic coating that doesn’t really cut well with normal kitchen scissors, if you try using a knife you pray you don’t slice your hand open in the process… After struggling with the opening for 5 minutes finally success! Next step, hook the attachment up to the faucet and make sure the 50 foot cord reaches to the tank…hmmm FAIL! Why because the attachment is nowhere near compatible with your fancy pull out faucet.. well shoot, onto the bathroom, then the garage sink, then the other bathroom to find out to your dismay that the darn Amazing faucet  vacuum that you just spent $45 on from Amazon (by the way it was $79 at Petco)  is not compatible with a single faucet in your entire house… and now you have to go through the hassle of returning it! UGH you just want to scream right then and there, and between you and me I just might have.

So my time saving dream is crushed and I reluctantly open up the manual vacuum that I purchased just in case but secretly planned to return because I wouldn’t need it. The thing of course isn’t put together so then I have to cut the tubing, put it together and get started… but don’t really read the directions and to my dismay it isn’t suctioning like it should. After getting frustrated for what is like the 3^rd time since opening my time saving package… I realize that I didn’t put the suction ball on the other two ends the right way. UGH! Yet again! After trying to suction it so many times, the tubing was suctioned enough that pulling it apart to put it back together the right way…wasn’t working- this is the point where taking the time to write about it now seems super amusing, however at the time my frustration was so over the top I probably could have exploded, I may have muttered a few not so nice words under my breath and probably could have thrown the thing across the room if I wasn’t trying my best not to break it! After finally getting through my struggle I felt like I did a great job of getting the tank cleaned, the new water conditioned and looking back to its normal self.

Fast forward to the next morning. Steve was out of town and I had to get Paxton up early for baseball practice. I walk out of my room and over to the tank to feed the fish… a normal morning routine…except with a quick glance of the tank a 3 African Cichlids are dead, why am I pointing out the kind of fish we have? Well because they are not $2 fish from Wal-Mart- most of these types of fish tend to be $30-$75 apiece and sometimes even more depending on their size! Ouch! Immediately my inner guilt crept up and I burst into tears! Not only did I kill 3 fish I wasted a bunch of money! How did this happen? I had absolutely no ill intention; I was just trying to make their home cleaner! It had been dirty for a while and I surly stirred up too much crud! Seriously all 3 of them! What in the world! I am an unfit pet owner, a fish killer and 8 year old dream killer. I apologized profusely over and over again to Paxton that I was sooo sorry! The women who brings her kid and hubby’s favorite chicken, Floppy,  into her bathtub for over 2 weeks because she was hurt…the nurturer  who  for a few weeks now has have been battling the decision to sleep or not to sleep with our 13 year old cancer ridden dog, Chopper. Picking up after his accidents, picking him up off the floor when he falls and can’t get up on his own, feeding him special things just so he would eat- it has been a 3 week struggle of hanging on or preserving his quality of life- this is definitely another story for another time. Me, the dog mom who sometimes wakes up 2-3 times in the middle of the night to let the other dog Tracker out to pee, gives him special medicine for allergies. It however made me cry even harder that I killed 3 fish, what if it was one of our other animals!  As a mama I am protective of everything we have. I am responsible for over 20 animals and I just allowed 3 in my watch perish… and why? Because cleaning the fish tank was an inconvenience or burden sometimes as it just didn’t fit in my priority schedule.. I felt super low..I beat myself up with my words and then I remembered.. I am human I make mistakes… I am good in so many ways and the self-talk turned to a more positive note. Learn from this I told myself. Will I return to feeling guilty or play it over and over in my head what I should have, could have or needed to do differently, you bet I probably will but my priority is to ask forgiveness and believe I already have been given it, by the poor fish, my son, my husband, God and of course, myself.

And then I remembered;  For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. – Titus 2:11.

 I am saved. I am forgiven, I am loved. I embrace the Grace that I am given.

Painting Portraits for the Soul

Last minute plans to accompany my friend last night to a Wine and Design, paint and sip session. I have always said that I don't have a drawing or painting bone in my body and if I ever did attend one of these sessions I would probably just drink while everyone else painted. Or if I did paint it would more than likely end up in a drawer at most hanging in my closet! 

I ventured out last night and decided to really try it. It was definitely a cute image to paint and in my head I contemplated that if it did turn out remotely close to being decent I would hang it in my hallway on the empty nail next to my coat rack... I have been meaning to buy something to put in that spot every since I took the Christmas decoration down off the now empty nail at the end of January... no judging.. I got busy and in my opinion the Christmas season is just too short anyhow. 

Anyway it sure was an intense evening and I thought we would definitely have a lot more time to sip and snack then we did... we were so engrossed in the task of painting these canvases that we rarely spoke many words to each other. One thing I did hear when someone spoke and this was more often then not as the 2 + hours of painting occurred, was how many of the 15 women that were there, including myself, praised someone else's progress, yet put down their own. Phrases, like "oh wow that looks great" " I wished my flowers looked as good as yours" "your painting is definitely the best",  "wow yours is pretty, I wished I could paint like you", "I could maybe give this to my mom,  like when I was in school" "I suck at painting". You get my gist! 

We are always our own worst critic! So funny how we perceive ourselves compared to what others truly think of us and how truly non-judgmental and supportive of others most people really are! 

Not only did all the ladies I encountered paint good looking art, 11/15 of them had never came to one of these painting classes before! 

How amazing to see how you can really do something when you put your mind to it and with a little instruction, even if you at first had your doubts. Also, from this it was plain for me to see that each woman no matter how critical of their own piece of art work, was the first to cheer on their friend  and or compliment the other women there without blinking an eye. Believe me, I walked away with more than a canvas. 

The end results concluded that we are all unique individuals with different tastes, different likes and different talents yet a little paint and fellowship brought us all a little encouragement and compliments for a fun night out, that some may remember for a long time to come.

Remember:  

"you is smart" "you is kind""you is important"

Embrace your journey in life, none of us are handed the same one. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else, none of us are perfect, no matter how someone looks on the surface, we all have some insecurities inside and probably more insecurities than we share with others. Stop negative talking yourself. Be the best YOU! Flaws make us human- let everything else go and enjoy YOUR life, you were only assigned one. 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful. -Psalms 139:14

The Solved Case of the Underwear Bandit

Seriously moms, I know that you have been here. Maybe not the exact same situation but the time where you are multitasking, moving from room to room in your house and putting things back where they belong... except a couple days later you come up empty handed on what you thought you put in that drawer... yep you guessed it... a call from your kid.. "mom,  where are all my underwear?" And I know you know what I am talking about when your face curls up in a what do you mean where are your underwear, they are in your drawer, duh kind of way... but out loud you say " I am coming" in a sing songy but irritated voice, when in your head you think if I get all the way in there in they are in his drawer under something else he is going to be in big trouble when I find them. Because as we all know kids are notorious for doing such a good job looking for things. lol. But you go in there and nothing! HMMM!
 I remember washing them on Sunday, it is only Tuesday, how could you have wore 6 pairs of underwear already plus the clean ones, how could this be? Where did they go? So you frantically feel a little disappointed in yourself, cause you know you had them, you look through every drawer, the closet, the couch, the bed, the guestroom, his bathroom, on top of the cabinet in the guest bathroom, the laundry room 3 times, behind the dryer, in all your and your husband's drawers, in the linen closet, the hall closet, on top of the deep freeze in the garage, in the pantry.. all the places you may have stopped to do something along the path to his room to put them away...and then you wonder... did I throw them away? My house isn't that big..where could they possibly go? Did the sock thief upgrade to underwear? Had he gotten bored with his previous thievery? 
Well now what to do? As I got more frustrated with myself and let the underwear bandit consume my thoughts and make me feel like a loser for not being organized enough and allowing myself to lose these things, my gosh they are the size of a pea, where or where could they be? After a few hours of looking on and off and rolling ideas around in my head of where in this not so big home they could be... I decided to finally let it go. I washed the 3 pairs I could find so he had clean undies and decided that maybe he just needed new underwear anyway.
The next day while at Target I bought 5 more pairs. Came home still looked for the missing underwear, thinking AH! Now I will find them since I bought more, Nope still nothing. Then Paxton decided these new underwear were horrible... and nothing like his other underwear... that I couldn't find... whose interior tag-less tags could no longer be read, and of course I have no clue the brand in order to buy the same ones... the ones from Target looked similar... but I  do I know for a fact similar looking doesn't always mean comfort. I have bought plenty of things in my day from different food brands to clothes to bras... and let me tell you just because it is labeled the same or looks the same it definitely doesn't always taste or feel the same! So I couldn't even attest otherwise to him. He didn't like the way they felt... back to the store with them I would go.  I was even more frustrated with myself because my fix didn't end up fixing anything it just caused me to consume my thoughts and spend my time still searching for those undies, or that underwear bandit to ring his neck, or whichever came first as well as the time to return the unwanted ones, not that I need an excuse to go to Target, but nonetheless more of my time would be consumed.
Leaving for a trip to the cabin Friday I had a lot of errands to do. As I met up with a friend for a sweatshirt she had borrowed, we shared similar underwear stories. She also could not find her son's underwear and knew that she had washed them as well.  Now what are the odds? She has two sons and only one of theirs were missing... hmmm... Is that underwear bandit mobile? Does he visit more than one home like the tooth fairy or do each of us have our own underwear bandit hiding in our house ready to strike at anytime, making us mamas doubt ourselves and steal away our confidence in our multi-tasking abilities. Like me I know she has her hand in many different projects, always trying to do good by others and helping in anyway she can on top of her own needs, her commitment to her family and community and our lists go on and on. And sometimes just sometimes we get overwhelmed, we forgot or we make a mistake...
I left for the mountains knowing I would have to wash underwear or go to Walmart and try another brand. As I unpacked our bags when we arrived Friday night I pulled out all the clothes to put in the drawers and hang in the closets and pulled out underwear one by one by one until I totaled 9 pairs. Of course my first thought was I didn't put them in there Paxton must have. "Mom", he insisted "I did not pack those."
My mind jumped to Did I put those in there? And why?, we weren't leaving until Friday and I knew he would need them for the week. What was I thinking? I really just wasted 3 days worrying about whether or not I threw away underwear, since I couldn't possibly find them in any other crevice in our home, and they were in his overnight bag? Did I look in there? Why would I have, I wouldn't possibly have put them there, he would need them.. 
Negative self talk that is what we do, always blaming ourselves for things instead of giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt, we do a lot of things! We are bound to make mistakes, and seriously this wasn't even a major one... no one got hurt, nothing broke, I didn't wreck my car or even forget someone's special day, I misplaced some underwear temporarily... Give yourself a break I said, slow down, enjoy things, let go of other things... 
Sometimes we are so busy trying to do it all, make it all, be it all, fix it all, that we forget to stop and ENJOY IT ALL~
Are you overwhelmed with all that life throws you, with everything that you are committed to do? Do you need to find rest, relax and really take the time to enjoy it?
Matthew 11:28 says " come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Learn to unclutter your mind and free your self of self-doubt and negative talk.
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
When you are in doubt of yourself or your abilities remember
 "God is for you, He says you are a masterpiece created by him to do good things already planned for you." Ephesians 2:10
Remember, you are not alone, we all beat ourselves up.. be kind to yourself, love yourself and slow down and enjoy what you do have.

The lightbulb thief

I am guilty. Yes you heard me. Guilty of grooming my child to be entitled.I think they really do think money grows on trees and that it is plentiful all the time and that electricity and water are just a given.  I know that it isn't something I have done on purpose, however kids these days have a much greater sense of this than I did when I was a kid.  I wore hand me down clothes, got hand me down toys, bikes etc. I wasn't born into a wealthy family. In fact after my dad passed away and my mom got a 2nd job, raised me on her own, moved to Arizona to be with me when I decided I wasn't moving back to Indiana like ever, I didn't know how much she truly sacrificed for me but I never remember wanting for anything! Her first year in Arizona Real Estate she made more than my dad and her ever made combined when I was growing up. I was shocked to hear that was $52,000... their 2 combined incomes were less than that? I never remember expecting things though or taking things for granted,  I think I was a pretty grateful kid!
I loved my house, we lived on land, had pets, an above ground pool, went on small lake cabin vacations every summer, had been to Disney World twice.... We ate home cooked meals, ate out on mostly special occasions or leftovers from working at my aunt and uncles restaurant.  Now it seems like combined incomes under $100,000 don't get you very far... but it is because of people's spending habits. Eating out is the norm for many families, on the go, Starbucks... traveling... quick easy and convenient, which we all know costs and many kids and families are so used to these things that being stripped of something is not even something that crosses their mind.
I would say 5/7 days a week my family eats at home, something either myself of Steve cooks. Paxton has responsibilities to help take care of our home, animals, he has learned to be respectful of others, especially adults and tends to make good decisions. However I know for a fact that he has grown up where things are handed to him and that can spoil a person, and he is a kid who we are raising to be a good adult, but he is still just a kid.  I have done a great job of instilling that he must do for others, think of others, be kind and considerate and serve as he is called to do.
Sometimes a kid is going to be a kid. He is a boy, he doesn't mind being dirty, we have to remind him to scrub his head in the shower and brush his teeth. Routine or not he tends to be lazy with these things. The biggest complaint that Steve and I have had in the past few months is that he tends to take off his clothes and socks wherever he is when he is ready to take them off. (he sleeps in just undies) Whether that is in the living room watching TV with us or in our room reading a book or in his room all over the floor or draped over something. I will tell you we have 3 laundry baskets in our house that could hold these items for him but somehow they end up all over. After getting frustrated with him on constantly reminding him to pick up his things... he says yes but if he doesn't do it right away... it somehow doesn't get done. This tends to go for almost anything we ask him, if not done right at that moment he tends to forget. And honestly this Mama was tired of having to get frustrated, upset or yell to get my point across. So I came up with a plan. He has a little chunk of spending money he has saved from Birthday's and holidays from family and he really likes that fact that he has this money that is "his." I told him the deal was that he would have until that days end to collect these things and put them in the laundry. If I had to pick them up and put them in the laundry I would charge him $1 for every article of clothing. In the last 3 months he has only had to give me $5. I feel like that was a huge win.
Fast forward to last week. Our second biggest issue is he is having fear issues with our house at night and is scared unless he can turn lights on. We have done nothing but instill we live in a safe environment, have 3 large dogs and security lights and cameras that would mostly deter a burglar, however, still scared. Unfortunately, he turns lights on and never turns them off. I am talking his room, the guest room, his bathroom, the hallway, the hall bathroom, my bedroom or bathroom or wherever he has been. I was working at my computer and he was in and out of the house building a fort out of a big box we had trying to perfect his new space in our guest room. Mind you he already has a timer on the light in his bedroom that goes off every 25 mins if he doesn't turn it off but it is the only light like this. Steve was about to put timers on all our lights... lol, but that would be at an expense and time. I had turned off the light in the guest room where he was working on the fort twice in about 45 minutes. I really want him to be in the habit of turning off a light when he leaves a room no matter whether he will return in 5 mins or an hour, habits are good to form. But nope he hasn't grasped the concept of that just yet. So after the 2nd time when he came in I told him if he left the light on one more time I was going to remove the light bulbs. He sort of freaked as like I said he isn't really a fan of the dark (except at night when he is sleeping no lights allowed) Sure as day he did about 30 minutes later... So while he was outside I climbed up on the bed with a sock I found on his floor (that I didn't get to charge him for because the day wasn't over.) to remove the hot light bulbs quickly before he got back in the house. I proceeded to take them and go out to the kitchen to start dinner.
He came in went straight to the room, calmly walked into the kitchen and said can you tell me where to find a flashlight? I said I don't know look in the junk drawer or go out and ask your dad. He dug through the drawer, ( I think the alternative of asking his dad he would have to tell the reason)  I helped him replace the batteries and he went back into his room to play. Not a word was mentioned, not a single complaint... he knew he messed up and I respected his reaction.
A little later he came out and asked me for duck tape. I said why? He wanted to tape the flashlight to the ceiling fan. I told him where the tape was but mentioned that if he taped it to the fan and the tape ruined the finish on the fan I would be more mad about that then I was that he can't remember to turn the light off. Needless to say he did not tape the flashlight to our fan. He also did discover that there was a lamp on the night stand next to the bed that I did not remove the bulb from... I wondered how long it was going to take him to remember that. Fast forward to this week. Yesterday he asked for the bulbs back, I told him he could put his bulbs back but the next time he forgets to turn the light out he isn't getting 3 chances and they would be gone for a lot longer than a week. I asked him what he learned, he said that he learned that taking something away that he felt he really needed was sad and that he didn't like not being able to flip the light on when he entered the room he said he would try to remember to shut the light off and to remember that the light is something that shows him that everything is ok.
Translation for me... as I try to find the lesson too. A light in the darkness helps us find our way, when you are lost let the light guide you and make you feel safe. It is a promise of better days, brighter things and rescues us from fears. Don't let others steal your light bulbs and when they do find another way, don't give up and move forward because you can.
"I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." John 8:12