“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”

Day 4 of my journey to be a healthier me!

The start to a new week!

 I have decided that nutrition is definitely important! Making better food choices is definitely important! Working out more consistently doing something you enjoy is an energy and mood booster, For SURE! Having a list of go-to foods when grocery shopping and preparing to always have a healthy choice verses a convenient choice at my fingertips. I have never been a soda, junk food or fast food junkie… I just don’t eat routinely, and sometimes I may have a few too many bites when taste testing making sure my meals are savory and well received… also, I think I have mentioned I love to bake things. Banana cake and vanilla bean ice cream are my favorite sugary treats and I love pasta! But I also love fruits and veggies – which when most people “diet” they have a hard time trying to like things they don’t to make changes… I don’t need to be convinced to like those things… just to choose them over the pretzels, the pasta, the brownies and the wine… by the way… the wine isn’t on my toss out list!

This isn’t a change for a while… it is a change forever… but with this change I can guarantee if I don’t let myself have what I want occasionally it isn’t going to stick. I’ll be the first to admit I need to cheat, or I won’t be able to beat this habit of inconsistency. I can commit to working out more! Enjoying the things I like to do like swimming, rollerblading and Pilates and not forcing myself to try things I hate like running or going to a gym.

Let’s be real people, I am not interested in lying to myself and completely switching to flour free, dairy free, sugar free, mayo free lifestyle! I just can’t do it! I was a sickly kid growing up with lots of limitations on what I could eat- My mom sent along my own Sara Lee pound-cake to birthday parties so I could too enjoy something with the other kids as I had allergies to 38 different foods when I was born, I grew out of this eventually and sometimes I blame the lack of control as I developed a better tolerance of these things as I aged ( I say some things still upset me but I don't have the severe reactions I once had)  on what I eat an enjoy on being deprived of it for so many years.  I cannot commit to never eating a piece of pizza or enjoying normal pasta, Dairy Queen, or my favorite banana cake! Committing to change 100% is an automatic set up for failure, maybe I will never be model material (face it guys I am 40 with a short torso anyway! And did I mention I like to cook/bake and eat!) So let’s say I am going to commit to 95% of my week making better choices and 5% allowing myself to have what I want… but tweaking it just a little. Even when eating my healthy home cooked choices which we do most of the week on a regular basis anyway, I just exercise a little better portion control… sometimes I don’t think we realize we eat when we sample, or have seconds… I will take smaller portions and less samples to make sure it is “good”. I will eat consistently so that I don’t eat all day and then eat too much at night!

 When I cheat or go out to dinner I need to remind myself that I can’t ship my leftovers to the starving kids in Africa, so I need to stop feeling guilty for leaving them on my plate to be thrown away, when I am full I need to put my fork down and not eat like I will never have access to this savory food again! I can choose a  small plate of nachos avoiding seconds, 1 piece of pizza and a couple wings instead of 2 or 3 pieces of pizza, I can order pasta and eat 1/3 of it choose a mini blizzard instead of a small- and definitely not ALL of these things on the same day! LOL!  

I am here to tell you if you make unrealistic, unreachable goals for yourself no matter what you are trying to achieve you will not succeed.  I have known this in other aspects of my life and not sure why I haven’t applied it to this one! I am an instant gratification person I want what I want when I want it and losing weight hasn’t been any different, when I get an idea in my head I want to see it out and I really don’t like to wait for results! In some things it great because I don’t procrastinate but in others, I get impatient and tend to give up if the results don’t start to show quickly. I need to take this one day and step at a time and be patient with myself. Instant results don't usually lead to long term results as you can bounce back to your old ways quicker than you can form a new habit!

I am the first to tell you I am an open book, For years in Real Estate I have shared my failures and my successes with those who want get into my type of business… I do not hide anything that has or hasn’t worked for me, because you know what… what works for me may or may not for someone else. I feel like no one can really steal my ideas and show me up or take over what I have worked hard to establish, we don’t have the same personalities or delivery methods, besides there is plenty of business out their for all of us.  A lot of Realtors are super successful doing open houses, I am here to tell you I hate them, I don’t really like doing them and it is not part of my business plan. I do them occasionally out of obligation, because I am a full-service Realtor I do on occasion, however I would find another agent to do them 99% of the time!

 Do YOU! Find what works for you! You will never be able to follow someone else’s plan and make it work for you fully no matter what they try to make you believe! I don’t have the same body type, style, metabolism or desire of the Master Nutritionist I went to see, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take her tips, tricks, dietary choices and discipline and incorporate what works for me in my life. Use your resources, ask for advice, shadow people you look up to, but make sure that you take what you can get, take other’s ideas, learn from those who are successful but with every means possible create your own plan and goals.

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde

Sink or Swim, I'm Diving In.

Hey guys I did a thing this week I decided to finally take control of my life and do something for me. For years I’ve used taking care of others as a coping mechanism for all the different things that I’ve experienced in my life the heartache, the pain, the tragedies- the stress. Somehow taking care of others not only makes me feel like I’m serving God’s people it also helps me defer the problems and issues that I have. But over the years I have allowed it to come first before taking care of myself. All of us know that if we don’t take care of our self first we don’t really have the strength to take care of others not to full capacity at least !There’s so many stories you hear of people taking care of others not taking care of themselves and they end up dying because they didn’t know there was something wrong with them. How awful! And sometimes they die before the person they were taking care of. 

Last week I went to the dermatologist for a check up. It really sunk in with me after them telling me that my skin was healthy but the one thing that stood out was when the nurse asked me what medications I was on. Besides a vitamin for cellular health I take that my cousin recommended a few years ago and the occasional Tylenol and Sudafed, I don’t take any prescriptions at all. This is the second time I’ve been to the doctor recently that has asked me that question and the look on the face of both was a little bewilderment. Actually this nurse asked me twice just to confirm I think that I didn’t forget to mention something. Leaving that office it sunk in knowing that both my parents died young at 54 (at 14) and 66 (at 35) 20 something years apart from each other- That my goal is too far exceed their longevity. As a 40-year-old woman there is no better time than now to start taking care of myself. To let go of all the excuses as to why my career, my family, my household/farm chores and my community come before I take care of myself. Why I can’t work out or take a few extra minutes to make that better food choice! 

Guys I’m not talking about becoming selfish. I’m talking about caring for my body that God gave me to take care of on this earth so that I can carry out what I am here to do in the best way possible. This will allow me to take better care of everyone else which service to God is my passion. I love helping others! 

I’ll be the first to admit that even though I am the one in charge and I know what to do I needed a little help. This week I went to see a master nutritionist who is going to help me get myself back on track. I’ve had a lot of heartache and pain in my life and eating not only because A- I love to cook and B I love to eat I eat when I’m stressed or as a coping mechanism food is good and my schedule can be less than predictable sometimes. I’ll be the first to admit my routine sucks. I’ve never been a huge person who loves routine. And honestly that’s why I chose to be an entrepreneur and not work for someone else. I definitely don’t like those constraints. I love the unknown I love the last minute and I crave new things and situations. 

After last winter of putting in a $40,000 pool and I’ll admit to you this I am not ashamed of how much it cost because I worked hard for it! It is something that I wanted my son and his friends to be able to enjoy for years to come. But why stop there. Why can't I enjoy it! After years of swimming on a team in junior high and high school and a little bit of casual swimming in college, pools became less and less accessible the older I got and the more responsibility I had the harder it was to find the time. But you know what I love to swim and what better exercise to get then something that you enjoy doing. Besides a few late nights with Paxton messing around and swimming a few laps I haven’t “swam” in years! My boys went fishing this morning, I grabbed my Speedo goggles I bought just for me, my cheap Walmart 1 piece bathing suit (I may need to go shopping soon) and a towel. I set my timer, turned on some tunes and dove in swimming for 30 mins straight... I may be regretting it in the morning. (I’ll keep you posted) But I did it for me. And you know what it couldn’t have come at a better time! It reminded me of how much I love it, I miss it and I think I can make it a habit again. 

40 is the new 20 right? 

In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman 

“Sink or swim I’m diving in. “

The complain train is stopping... Get Off!

It is so easy to get caught up in complaining depending on the day or what is going on in your life this can dictate the length of the train. 

Picture sitting at a train track waiting.. the longer the train usually indicates the amount of time you are stuck and wasting your time. 

Complaining can be a huge time waster. Most of the time complaining doesn’t get me anywhere it just temporarily makes me feel better I guess, but does it? Or is it wasting my energy on something negative affecting my otherwise positive mood!? 

The other day I made a post complaining, had plenty of people comment on my right to bitch about something unfair but it didn’t change my situation or make it right. It just caused a negative atmosphere that probably would have continued if I let people continue to comment. But I decided it was enough negativity to spread so I deleted it. 

Sometimes it is hard to get off the train once you are on it thus creating it to become longer as you gather validation by others who join you. 

Our weather here is beautiful eight months of the year and the other four months I catch myself complaining A LOT about how hot it is, then when the monsoons come and it gets humid I complain how hot and sticky it is! Not wanting to go outside and enjoy our otherwise beautiful weather! 

I have to remember that I don’t shovel snow and we are very blessed to have air-conditioning both in buildings, our home and our cars which a lot of other people here and in other countries do not have the opportunity to have. We also have plenty of access to pools whether it’s a community pool a friends pool our own pool where we can dip in and cool off and still enjoy going outside. Yet I still catch myself complaining a lot about how hot it is. 

I was reminded today listening to the radio that there are people in other countries in the 120° weather who are there fighting to protect our country in full uniform with 70+ pounds of gear on their back’s. This was a HUGE reminder to put an effort into complaining less and instead stopping to take a minute to pray for their health and safety- those individuals enduring heat and stress and the unknown protecting me.  

With access to just about anything in this country it’s a wonder why we even complain at all. We are so accustomed to having things at our fingertips that when we don’t or it’s not working out that way we want it to the best next thing to do is complain. If you’re having a bad day take a moment to reflect on those who don’t have the opportunities that you have and just say a short prayer for them to get your mind back on track get off that complain train NOW and be thankful for what you are blessed with even when it looks like others have more, there are others who have less, much less. 

Ephesians 4:29

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Back to school Anxiety for Moms

I think the only thing routine in my life is my morning coffee- and I have even shaken that up a time or 2 giving it up for Lent. I don't feed my animals at the same time everyday, I don't do laundry or clean my house on the same day every week...The point I am making is that I love when things change, I can do anything that I need to do if required, I am adaptable, but I am not a huge fan of routine, I like spontaneity, I like accommodating last minute changes, I crave new things, new experiences and meeting new people!

When the market was horrible and I took a 3 year job that required my same day punch in and out… I got stir crazy, I was unhappy sitting in the same desk and I did everything I could think of to go back to my unpredictable, every changing world of Real Estate and I haven’t looked back. In a nutshell I probably would have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child- but as an adult I can use it to my benefit. I can move from one project to the next and back and I always seem to get things done on time no matter if I procrastinate.  I love to be busy, I love challenges and I am not a routine person. I don't sit still for very long very well, I am honestly shocked that I can enjoy a whole movie at one time. I don't have any particular tv series I follow, I change my hair color often, and when I try something new and get bored I move on without hesitation. Probably why I don’t stick to any work out or eating plans… I get bored, EASILY! That is why real estate is definitely right for me… not predicable, always changing, every situation is different, even situations that are similar have different outcomes- I love balancing different deals, different people and different circumstances. I am constantly working with different personalities! I LOVE it, it keeps me on my toes and I am still helping people, which I truly believe is what I am called to do, Serve Others!

So this year, when I didn’t have a role as a PTA board member anymore, I didn’t have any deadlines to meet, I didn’t have the commitment to get things ready for the beginning of school, or be there to sell things at Meet the Teacher or the first day of school meet and greet… I was not prepared or motivated to get started and honestly didn't even go to meet the teacher, School gives me anxiety! Contrary to popular belief, even though I did well in school somewhat because I was smart and somewhat because the stuff I didn’t get I made a point to do well so I didn’t disappoint myself. School gives me anxiety for my kid as well.

Every year I hear the moms and parents talk about how they can’t wait until their kids go back to school, some are pulling their hair out even before our already short summer is over. I am over here praying that the summer isn’t over, I hate the routine. I love having my kid home! The anxiety of getting Paxton up on time, having to get him to school on time, stressing over getting him to brush his teeth, what is for breakfast, what is for lunch and to get his shoes on and making it out the door without forgetting something- and if I have an appointment early getting myself ready, the animals fed and doing things around the house if need be. Knowing I only have so many hours before he has to be picked back up and trying to fit everything in between. Finding somewhere for him to go if I won't make it home  It totally stresses me out! Some of you are probably thinking I am a crazy person, but I would rather have him home and take him with me wherever I need to go, which most of the time I can.

75% of my life is mostly made up of me making my own schedule, being flexible for clients, having to change things to accommodate others and not really sticking to a set schedule…Believe me, I work hard and most people don’t even see what goes into real estate behind the scenes- but a lot of it I can do when I want, where I want which doesn’t work for everyone but it works for me. So yes, I am that mom that gets anxiety when I must go back to a routine like my kid going back to school…

I know he already hates school and trying to shelter him from my anxiety really doesn’t work. I am not good at hiding my emotions and sometimes my lack of excitement for routine and his resistance to wanting to go to school clash and cause unwarranted arguments, and maybe even yelling before school! This sucks and just causes more anxiety! 

This school year my goal will be to take my mom’s advise of taking 3 deep breaths before reacting, trying to remain calm that I am not going to get my kid to like school no matter how hard I try to get him to see the value, so I may as well just stress less, go with the morning flow and find the positive in my struggles and my anxiety of being late or running behind, because in 5 years  we have never been late even once. 

Who writes your story?

I passed a marquee at a church yesterday and it said "God is the author of your story, stop trying to steal his pen." I am not really a controversal person, but I really don't agree with this statement to an extent. I think God gave us free will, best example, Adam and Eve. I think we write our own story, we make our own choices; however we can do so with God's guidance and help, but we have to ask, we have to trust and we have to believe that he will guide us in the right direction, even if that means failing at times.
To an extent I believe in fate and to an extent I feel our choices create the series of events that happen in our life. If I never chose to go to college in Arizona I wouldn't have met Steve, I wouldn't have had Paxton - I would have a different series of events that have happened to me in the last 22 years.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, and most definitely learning experiences, but not the ones that I had. I got scholarships and I had choices as to where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, but if I would have made different ones, I would be in a different place with different circumstances.  We could sit back and do nothing and hope for the best or we can pray, we can ask for guidance and we can believe in our path and create our future- by taking actions that align with our goals, our purpose and our passions.
You can go through life or you can grow through life (- Chuck Fazio) you get out what you put in.
Don't sit back and let someone else write your story, but don't do it blindly. Have a why, a purpose and a misson/goal, ask for God's guidance and input, and have a plan!
We all have a purpose here on earth, find yours. Associate with people who build you up, have like interests, have succeeded in areas that you want to excel in- Be coachable, be flexible, stop comparing yourself to others, BE YOU and do it well. Make your story count and be confident in your choices. Seek Guidance -
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."- Proverbs 16:9

Chaos Coordinator for a Cause Well Served!

As this school year is coming to a close, I am wrapping up 4 years as President of my son's school's PTA, 4.5 years total as a PTA board member, 5 years serving as a member.

 I am a mixture of emotions as I really did enjoy my service, working with great people, learning from others, developing new programs and implementing new things with the help of other members over those years. It was fun, adventurous, challenging, stressful at times.... but I am so glad that I was able to stick it out, even after trying to give up my position twice to allow someone new to have the opportunity to serve.

 I was honored to be asked to extend my 2-year term, twice... which I accepted and kept going forward being that go-to person. However, this year after much consideration I stood my ground and said that I was unable to go another year. Not because I didn't think I could, or that I wasn't wanted, but because I need to move onto other things. Not only for me to grow in other areas but for my family as well. Being this involved with one task that is a volunteer position took away from time spent. I did it for my son as being involved I feel he has a good experience with his school, and to meet new people and build relationships ( I have always been a server and volunteer it is my personality to help) but all the planning, preparing and meetings as well as being in charge of events does take a toll on focusing on other things of interest.

This last 4 years has been a huge commitment, one that I didn't take lightly but couldn't just pick and choose when I wanted to help or do things. I was in charge, I was there when others couldn't be, I had to organize and make sure others followed through.  Things in life change and you must change with them and the commitment that I was giving proved to be less than 100% and that is definitely not my style. When I commit to something I want to give it my best and when I can no longer give something my best because I have other things to focus on that is when it is time to hand over the baton to someone who has the ability to focus on the task at hand.

I am grateful for all the awesome people who helped with all the things we did, the acceptance of parents and teachers of my abilities to serve their students – All the support I received and all the well wishes. I am grateful for all that was accomplished, and we were able to buy, start or get donated for the well-being of the school and the kids! 

I am grateful for the experience; I am grateful for the school admin and staff that supported our ideas and efforts and made it that much easier to give back. Which is one thing that always makes me happy, making others happy! 

 I am saddened to give up the opportunity to be so available and known around the school as the go-to person as I have gained the trust of a lot of people. And I am relieved that I can just be the mom who helps when she wants to and is now able to put other interests first instead of on the back burner because of the amount of commitment the PTA has required. This step forward is coming at a great time and I am exciting for my new adventures. 

I wish the incoming board and all those in the future the best of luck, the opportunity to start new things and incorporate into the school and I am certain that they will continue on the things of importance that I helped incorporate that are beneficial to the school, but also the ability to see when things need to be changed or let go because they are no longer working! I am also here for any advice if I am solicited for some. 

I encourage everyone involved at the Anthem School to take a part in the 2019-2020 school year whether that is small or large, a $10 PTA membership donation, helping at an event, coming to meetings, giving ideas, planning events, getting donations, encouraging your friends to help or any combination thereof! It does make a difference no matter how small and your kids receive the ultimate benefit. They grow up fast and those little things to build their experience always add to the experience they have preparing them to be adults.

I am proud of my accomplishments, my dedication, my learning experiences and my relationships made during this period of service, coordinating the chaos, the multiple smiles, happy faces, grateful people, fun moments, laughs, stressful times, last minute changes and all the other things that came with the job and that makes my service, well served.

I get louder closer to the bell

Believe it or not, I love having my kid home. I hear lots of moms during breaks talk about how they can't wait to get their kids back to school for one reason or another. I on the other hand love having him home. I also love not being so rushed, maybe that is selfish, but it is true. Deadlines or scheduled times often get me flustered. Do I get annoyed sometimes that he is "bored" or loud and sometimes doesn't understand why you can't play with friends 24/7 or they are unable to come over or do something- YES! However I prefer this to the hustle and bustle of the grind of getting him up, making him get ready, arguing whether he has shoes and socks on before we walk out the door or if he has brushed his teeth or combed his hair- when he wants a particular sweatshirt that he can’t find right then and won’t think of settling for anything else even though he has like 8 more hanging in his closet. This just makes me get more frustrated, angrier and even louder that the 27 warnings I already gave that we needed to leave so he wasn’t late. Does getting louder make him act quicker? I wished I could say you betcha…. I honestly think it should but I actually think it makes him less likely to hurry! Mind you in 5 years at this school he has never been tardy even once so I am not sure why I continue to stress out almost every morning that it will make him late.

Maybe it is in my blood but I hate being late, I hate getting stressed or anxiety over the thought of it even, but I do A LOT and I am certain it is almost always unnecessary! I get louder and louder the closer it is to the bell ringing! I wake up in the morning, in my head able to get every single thing I think I can get done before walking out the door whether I am just dropping him at school or I had to also get up earlier to get myself ready and do all the morning rituals because I wasn’t coming straight back home. I will guesstimate 8 out of 10 times it never goes the way it comes together in my head, I am rushed, stressed or something comes up that doesn’t fit into my neat and perfect morning that I already planned out in my head the night before. I think maybe I need to make it a ritual to write it all down before bed, cause in my head it seems to go a lot smoother.

I do myself no favor by getting stressed, angry or yelling… I don’t even know why I do it. It seriously doesn’t prove to be effective at all and usually makes someone else in our home in an even worse mood than we started out. I can wake up perfectly happy and ready for the day and one little irritation causes my mood to change… and as a mom I say over and over again to myself and my readers our MOM mood often sets the mood of the household… sometimes I even think the dogs are affected by it! I think it is my coping mechanism that yelling release some endorphins that need to be released for me to again turn back to calm after the build of anxiety within. But sometimes by then it is too late and someone else carries that negativity the rest of the day, whether I can release it in 2.0 seconds my other household personalities take it and make it into their mood.

That is one thing I truly miss about my mom… we could blow up at each other, yelling one minute and crying and hugging the next. This morning, I tried to make a pact with Paxton that no matter how much he makes my blood boil to the point of yelling at him for things he isn’t doing, that we can learn to blow up and forgive quickly. I started crying telling him how much I missed that which I had with my mom… he understood but just as he needs to try and just complete a task the first time I ask instead of the 6^th so that it keeps me sane, I need to try to take 5 deep breaths or walk away for a minute of calm, before I create an unnecessary storm that can set the mood negatively for the whole day.

Seriously sometimes I wish life marriage and kids came with an instruction booklet, but then again figuring it out on our own, trying different things, breaking bad habits and creating an environment that works for your family is far more challenging and rewarding then opening up to page 5 and completing the 3 tasks someone else has instructed you to do on the way to act and react in every situation.

Trust that God can guide you in what to say and how to say it you just have to remember to ask for help and somehow in those moments if you silently ask for help before responding, the answer on how to handle the situation comes. Don’t get so busy that you can’t take that split second to make a better decision and response. Answer with intent don’t react with anger, taking that extra second can sometimes waste less time than fixing what you messed up by your immediate reaction.

Speak kindly to yourself

 I spent half of last night crying my eyes out, stuck in my head again talking the talk that drives me crazy but is so easy to fall into the trap of doing. “ how stupid could you be, why didn’t you check the box, why did you throw trash on top, why didn’t you dump everything out before taking it outside, why are you so stupid, why are you so dumb" and all the crazy things I say to myself when I get mad at myself.  I went to bed with a stuffed-up nose and headache feeling exhausted and like I failed AGAIN! Super productive closing to a otherwise normal and happy day. 

How often does this happen, the day is going great, wonderful, things are moving right along and then BAM- I do something stupid that I totally could have controlled. As a wife, mom, friend, businesswomen I somehow am so hard on myself and have expectations that I just cannot always meet. I do many things, sometimes too many, but have said yes for so long it is hard to stop and slow down.And when a family member has to point out that maybe you should add one more thing to your plate, the guilt of my busyness just sinks in! It is a constant battle all the time to take my time, be more thorough and a little less “lazy”. But sometimes it is hard to fit it all in or I am just tired and not as young as I used to be. 

 I do need to remind myself that just because I do stupid things, I am not stupid. I am also trying to focus on not displaying putting myself down in front of my child who I am trying to protect from creating this bad habit himself…which I am starting to see and it pains me to watch and try to correct it when he often sees it displayed and honestly guys it is so hard to keep myself in check! I do not want him to suffer with this battling inner negative self talk as I do and have for so many years, People think I have my shit together and honestly I try hard to portray that I do most of the time- but I think we all do this- we all fall into the trap of putting our-self down for our mistakes. I am not perfect I never will be and I might as well share that I am just a hot mess as any of the rest.

Last week Paxton got the catcher’s gear we ordered, and the box had been setting in my living room… I hate clutter and wanted to get the box outside, I asked Paxton to put it in the garage, later I had put a bag of trash and frozen pizza boxes on top which signified to Steve it was garbage to set the whole thing out for garbage day yesterday! He happened to be off yesterday and helpful, cleaning my kitchen, vacuuming the whole house while I worked! On any other occasion I would have been so grateful and I was but then I was like why did he have to take out that box?? !  Oh, why oh why could I have not taken that trash straight out to the ummmm trash can the other night! Why did I have to toss it in the box?

UGH.. I didn’t realize under the plastic bag and packing stuff from the gear were 2 pads that were pertinent to the chest protector. I had grabbed the two red things I saw laying at the top of the box out the day before but didn’t bother to dig through the box before asking Paxton to remove it from my living room floor. At glance I didn't notice anything else of importance in there! I normally break boxes down before I throw them in the trash but apparently there was enough room and Steve being helpful yesterday morning just threw the box trash, pads and all right into our dumpster.

Was it an accident? Well yes by definition, anything that isn’t intentional to me is an accident, but most of the time accidents can be prevented and that is when it takes the biggest toll on your mind and it races with what you could have, should have and didn’t do to have prevented it. This brand new, very expensive item that I now have to try and replace a small portion of it with out spending the money for the whole thing not only is a waste of my money, if I can’t get the two missing pads and a waste of my time trying to get it, making calls and begging for favors when I could be being productive doing something else.

Sometimes the things I do to save myself time end up being the things that cost more time, effort, negative energy and headache than if I would have looked through the box- left it in my house until I broke it down and completely cleared it out or took the 1 small bag of trash I threw on top of the box, 15 more feet out the garage door and into the dumpster, yep, that would have been the right choice, maybe not the late at night just set it out the garage door into the house I will get it on my next trip out the garage kind of lazy attitude that at the time felt like a great choice!

I know that life is a learning experience but sometimes the costs are great and so avoidable. Climbing inside my head telling myself how stupid I am because that is the way I am feeling, doesn’t really make it better, it doesn’t make the pads come back, erase the situation or have me go back in time to do over – in creating that hostile attacking environment in my mind it just causes more stress, ailments and emotional exhaustion… so why is it so easy to do? Somehow someway it makes me feel better for a split second that I can blame my stupidity and relieves the pain of something that I caused. I am not sure how to explain it, but I know I am not the only one who attacks myself quietly and verbally because of my inadequacies. But it takes twice as much time to build that self-talk back into a positive spirit, once you are in repair mode! Self-confidence, self esteem and self-worth can be broken down in a lot less time than it takes to build it back up.

Try to correct your inner thoughts the minute they start to go south, as the attack is huge, and the recovery can be long. A person is way more important than a thing, even when money is involved or pride of ownership is considered. As a human, we make mistakes, sometimes they are huge at the time and trivial in the grand scheme of things –no matter what they seem like in the moment- especially as time goes on when you can’t even remember what you got so upset about. Have you ever fought with someone and then a while later honestly can't remember what the fight was about no matter how hard you try? Negative self-talk is like fighting with yourself and then not even remembering what you got so upset with yourself in the first place down the road when looking back! Yet the vast reality at the time it is happening to you is so major because you are living it in that moment. Hard as it might be while you are experiencing the setback, trying to consider the long-term effects, take a few deep breaths, walk-away, occupy your mind with something else and ease up on yourself- you might just be glad you did.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush said

 "Nobody is perfect,

 look for the good in others, forget the rest" 

I want to add and 

"start with you...

Forgive yourself."

Is there an instruction manual regarding fair?

I wrote last week about feelings being neither right nor wrong and that we really cannot tell someone how to feel. This week we had to deal with our son and an issue on the playground because he didn’t think someone was being fair. I think all of this in life encounter this at one time or another, and maybe sometimes we don’t feel anything is fair. We had to have a talk with him on what is right and wrong and that sometimes even if you think you are right it is a better idea to walk away then to press about him needing to be right because he feels he is right! Even if he is sticking up for someone else in a situation that may not really involve him, he wants it to be fair for the other person. Who determines fair?

We had to tell him that just like feelings are neither right nor wrong… they are your feelings… every one’s perception of what is right or wrong or fair may not be the same. Not everyone can be right all the time, not everyone is the winner. In this society we have grown accustom to everyone getting a trophy for participating… especially with the younger kids. “It is only fair that they all have done a good job.” In my opinion it gives kids the wrong impression that life will be fair, and everyone is a winner for trying… which as we get older, we know isn’t true. In life, in the job field when you are up for a promotion or a spot on a competitive team, it is definitely a flight or fight- who is the best qualified, who works the hardest and honestly sometimes winning is a popularity contest and has nothing to do with skill at all! Heck even in sporting events there is only one team that wins- not both can win, even if they both played their absolute best there is only one winner. Yet we tell them if they do their best that is all that matters, kids, especially boys, can be competitive and want to win in their own mind they want to look favorable to their friends and get picked and want to be a part of the group and look good enough to be included. Not everyone can be first pick and not everyone makes the right call. Look at the NFL or MLB or any other professional sport out there. They have officials sitting in some room somewhere waiting to review calls that are challenged.  Their egos at a young age drive them to be right, to fit in and to want to be the best. This will carry over into adulthood as those of us who are seasoned in life already know is coming.

This young age of 8-12 is where these kids see other kids excel at certain things and they wonder why they don’t. They see what they lack and not what their strengths are that the other person doesn’t have. We often carry that into adulthood where we become jealous to the point, we start bad mouthing our inability to perform like the other person or we are so upset that we can't be like that person our anger just turns to plain meanness. Who knows what goes on inside our head as a kid, but I know when my kid starts to call himself dumb because someone else is better than him or when he makes a mistake that he is feeling inferior and cannot see that he excels in other areas of his life that those boys might wish they did? Humans tend to want what they don’t have- curly hair instead of straight, blue eyes instead of brown, body parts like someone else, musical ability instead of sports, be able to assemble something rather than be book smart and vice versa. If we could all just accept the talents we are given and roll with it, verses wasting time trying to be what we are not- the world would fit together a lot better. But we are broken, and we constantly strive to compete not because we want to necessarily be better than the next person, but we want to be as good as they are at something we may not be suppose to!

How do I teach my kid to walk away from a challenge or an argument in such a competitive world, without making him seem like he is backing down or giving in or giving up on his beliefs or idea of what is right or fair? Yes, that I haven’t figured out just yet. He didn’t come with an instruction manual and not all people are created equally in the way the perceive, feel, value or need to be treated in order to react in a certain way. The instruction manual is written daily, based on what works and what doesn’t and has quite a few cross outs and eraser marks along the way.
Teach your kids to try and do the right thing whatever that maybe in their mind, that there are times to stand up for what you believe in and times when it is worth just letting the other person think they are right and letting go or stop trying to convince them that you are. It is a tough road and these judgments are based off experience, age, knowledge and each person’s perception. This is definitely why the world is broken- not everyone thinks the same. Unfortunately, we are not in control of our child’s thoughts… all we can do as a parent is try hard every day to be a good example to them. Their little minds absorb everything they see and hear, and parents are the most influential model most of the time for them. I know I won’t be a perfect example, but I can try hard to be a good one.

Proverbs 22:1 A good reputation is more desirable than great wealth, and favorable acceptance more than silver and gold.

Morning Motivation!

So I read a lot for motivation. I love to listen to other people's stories and experiences and the things they do to keep themselves at the top of their game! I am self motivating but I have to stay on top of myself every day. I am work in progress... that will never be perfected. Every day is a new start, yesterday whether good or bad should not determine how my today will go. Years ago I placed motivational quotes on both my master bath and above my desk in my office. I got in the habit of reciting them every day.. until I stopped. LOL. Why because I already knew what I was saying. 

 I think sometimes when we do something repeatedly, it becomes habit and sometimes habits are good and bad and sometimes they become so routine we don't really process them.

Have you ever been driving and wonder how you got to where you were going? Your brain goes on auto pilot and you aren't really even paying attention. I think a lot of things in life are like that. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes you need to shake it up. If you keep doing what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten they say! That is kind of like a tongue twister but true. 

Sometimes when we repeat the same thing over an over again it really loses its meaning. Like the sayings, quotes and advise I have had on my mirror and wall for a few years. I say them but am I listening to it in my head, or am I off somewhere else like when I am driving and can't remember how I got there. I grew up Catholic and there was a lot of memorizing prayers and songs. Stuff you say over and over again. You know it but are you feeling it when you say it or are you doing it out of obligation? 

A client of mine posted on her wall this morning, " Wherever you are, be all there!" That has a lot of meaning. I have written before about how hard it is to wear my mom hat, change to my Realtor hat, my wife hat, my volunteer hat and so on. Sometimes we need to just step back and concentrate on what we are doing at the present moment, whether it is listening to our kid talk about something they saw on You Tube that we are genuinely not interested in so we are looking at our phone at the same time, or we are multitasking to save time yet we skip a step in our dinner making,or we are reading our morning motivation hoping to inspire our self to be better.

All I know is that I need to keep striving to be in my moment and not fast forwarding so much I miss living it now. I am going to change up my mirror motivation every week this hopefully will help me stay focused, not allow the routine to mute my motivation and give me something to constantly do better at! Maybe with this change I can also increase my time in the moment- stay motivated on a regular basis and not let the monotony of the routine that is suppose to motivate me allow me to get bored that I stop listening or trying. 

Mama Bear

I grew up with parents who struggled, who argued, who loved, one who wore emotions on their sleeve and another who harbored them inside . A mother who yelled (I see this trait in myself and I struggle often with trying to not be the yeller- and it seems to haunt me every time) ( A father who would shut down- escape to the T.V. or “go for a drive” to cool off when they argued).  I remember the good and tough times. I say though times, because bad times to me reflects something that you are trying to get out of, something that you no longer want. Tough times to me mean that you are trying to resolve a situation or find a better way, but you are not wanting to quit, give up or leave.

As I got a little older my parents became part of a group called Marriage Encounter where they gave weekends for married couples, not only to enrich marriages but to decrease the gap in communication sometimes married couples experience as well as increase the amount and quality of communication they displayed with one another.  They would dialogue a lot through written communication by basic questions they answered to each other in notebooks they kept to themselves. They would write, read the other persons and then discuss what they were feeling about the other one’s answers together, it helped them process their thoughts verses lashing out at the other person verbally and they always had the understanding that no matter what they read, the other person’s feelings were neither right nor wrong. Years later when my mom died, I shredded 2 entire boxes of notebooks that she had kept after my died passed away. For a hot second I wanted to read some of those dialogues to understand my parents better, to maybe improved my own communication with my husband- but I decided that communication alone was something totally intimate and totally unique to their relationship and I chose not to. The biggest thing I learned in the years that they were a part of this group, as they improved communication in our home, with one another and the way they looked at outside situations, the way they treated me as well as what I learned when they prepared for their presentations- even though at my young age I was not involved in most of what they discussed in preparation (some of it was too personal and some of it things a 8-13 year old kid doesn’t need to know about their parent’s intimacy) was that feelings are neither right nor wrong! We cannot control someone else’s feelings or mindset! We can control how we act or react. We can control what we do and say, but not how it makes someone else feel. No matter how good of intentions we have when we present our self to someone else, there is always a chance that they will not receive it the way we intended.

Even after what I learned as a child, now that I am married with a family, my first instinct is to want to be protective of my husband and son when someone else hurts their feelings, I want to not only make them feel better, take away any hurt or try to get them to understand and look at things from someone else’s view. I cannot however control, change or expect them to feel another way then they do.

 Life is hard you guys! Sometimes we don't always cope the way we expect or want to or play out in our head. With some recent complications that our family has experienced, I want more , than anything to make things turn out differently, I want to be a protective “MAMA BEAR” I am a fixer, I am a peace maker, I want everyone to see eye to eye- forgive and forget and move on- but I have to remember that we are all unique individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, emotions, understandings, skills, talents and differences. With that said if we all thought, acted, felt, celebrated, lived, grieved, loved and approached our circumstances the same, we may as well be robots living a very mundane and boring life. I need to remember that sometimes just stepping back and letting things unfold as they are suppose to is the best decision I can make on behalf of my family dynamic no matter how much it pains me to want to protect and control the situation and fix the issues.

The very thing that sometimes tears people, friends, and relationships apart is the very thing that we need to celebrate… being unique individuals that all contribute in some way to this circle of life. The universe revolves because we all bring something different to it. We cannot always control our situation or our circumstances, we don’t always know why things have to work out the way they do, we cannot rewind; go back; erase and start over… we can only go forward, celebrate who we are as individuals, be respectful of those who we have a difference of opinion with whether we continue with that relationship getting past our differences, or we must eliminate those relationships that we cannot repair due to not understanding where someone else is coming from, our huge egos of wanting to believe what we are thinking is right and someone else’s thoughts are not.

We think and feel based on every notch that has happened on our timeline called life, everything we have experienced affects the way we act, feel and respond- whether in a good way or a bad way. And since we haven’t all experienced the same notches on our timeline, we cannot expect that everyone will do everything the same!

Through all the things I have been through in my life, I have to remember every day that this is a new chance to be a good person, to try to help others in every way that I can, to give life 100% to count my blessings and to be me. No matter how hard I want to fix something or someone, I can only change myself, my thoughts, my beliefs, my actions, reactions and ideals. We are each only responsible for our self… we can choose to be a good example or not, we can love unconditionally or not, we can embrace life, or we can crawl inside our heads with worry, negative thoughts or self-talk that can ruin our lives, our relationships or our accomplishments. As a human race we are flawed, we all experience pain, set-backs, hurt and struggles. It is when we allow those things to take over instead of letting go and bouncing back or learning to cope and adjust to other people’s reactions, decisions, ideas and personalities that we continue to make the world revolve in harmony with one another.

Remember you can choose how you live your life, but not how someone else lives theirs or responds to yours. Don’t force the world to conform to your ideals, embrace a world that exists based on everyone’s differences. We are all contributing parts of the whole.

Excerpts from 1 Corinthians 12 Now concerning^[a] spiritual gifts,^[b] brothers,^[c] I do not want you to be uninformed…¹² For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ… ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? ¹⁸ But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. ¹⁹ If all were a single member, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts,^[e] yet one body. ²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. ²⁸ And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? ³¹ But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

Stepping down to step ahead

Welcome to the 21^st century…where we as members are busy all of the time. If we are not running from one thing to the next we are run down from so much running. I am so busy going from one project to the next, which I did mention in previous posts is really what keeps me going. When I have too much time to think I sometimes get a creeping of depression that moves itself right in. The year before last it settled in for a little while and I had much to do to get it to move out. I did but it took awhile, most people probably didn’t notice and I got back into my busy groove of things with a whole new perspective and have been going ever since. Once in a while it rears its ugly head and tries with all its might, sometimes it can stay a day or two, but too much positivism on this end for it to be welcomed for much longer than that.

With said busy schedule sometimes I am challenged with priorities and what order they need to come verses what order they come based off of not only financial need sometimes but certain levels of commitment that have been promised. 4 years ago I said YES to yet another volunteer position which I happily took on because not only do I love to plan events I am a people person and it was right up my alley of things I knew that I could do. 2 years later after much enjoyment creating, planning and executing this position I tried to pass it off to someone else to carry the torch and use their talents to continue. With no one else who stepped up I was easily convinced that I was needed 1 more year. Another year went by and yet more convincing to stay- I thought about leaving and trying something new, a few friends suggested to run for School Board, I thought about it for quick minute but decided I am really not political and I didn’t want to jump from 1 big commitment to another-

 So I heard you are good at what you do they said, you make a difference… all feel good things… so with a little more reluctantance then the previous year I accepted staying on as President for 1 more year - I stayed under certain conditions of eliminating some of the projects that we worked hard at and were time consuming but made little progress in return. The commitments are always fantastic! Everyone who knows me knows I love to give and give and give! I have a hard time saying no and I always give 100% and enjoy what I am doing, I enjoy seeing others enjoy what I have prepped and planned for and I love working with individuals who do and feel the same. Over the last 4 years I have had great team members, volunteers, behind the scenes helpers and community members who have really helped me throughout the years give back as much as we have to the school and community. I have enjoyed being in charge of organizing things with others help, I have loved loved loved watching the kids benefit and the changes that have been made, the things that have been bought to benefit the school  and the friendships that have developed. With this said I have been feeling most recently that this would be my final year in my position. That it was time for me to move on to something else whether that be family time, personal time, work-out time or whatnot or some other position that God sends in my direction. Hopefully it is small and doesn’t consume any of my time… hahahaha.

Saying this saddens me but I know my limits, I know how far I can go. I can give something 100% until I can’t. And, when I can’t I know it is time to be done, to move on and to let someone else give their passion to the cause! And as in past years that I have let others convince me that no one else wants to do what I do, this year I have decided that it is no longer my responsibility to keep doing it because no one else wants to! Frankly guys, I am tired. I have really enjoyed it all and have really learned a lot, about myself and others but it is time and I am ready. I still want to remain helpful- but I want to step back from being in charge, running the show, having the responsibility or whatever you want to call it! Someone will step up, someone will do just as good of job if not better and I can and should be at peace with myself that I am doing the best thing for me that I possibly can, with no regret.

Don’t get me wrong, helping and volunteering is in my blood but stepping back re-evaluating my noisy world filled with distractions, temptations, frustrations, stresses, feeling like things fall on me for responsibility, and complications is just what is needed to maintain my happiness levels at a reasonable level… not only is good for my soul, but for the sanity of my family. When I take a lot on my plate sometimes they suffer from my stress and frustrations of wanting everything to work out “perfect as planned”. As we all know that isn’t the case. Sometimes we can control things and sometimes we can’t, it is when we can’t that we are most tested. Sometimes I am good at allowing things to happen as they will and other times I try to keep control even when I know I can’t because I somehow feel it is my responsibility. And when you allow the commotion of a plethora of other things distract you from your number one priority that is when you are doing your loved ones a disservice and even yourself. It works for a while, but not forever. When you try to manage too many things is when things begin to break down, just as you can’t be good at EVERYTHING, you can’t juggle too many things either- because something is bound to suffer and you cannot give everything you do 100%, be an expert in every field or control every situation.

When I announced that I would not be returning to the PTA as President next year I did so with full conviction that this is the best thing for my family and I, for the PTA and for the person it will allow to grow in this position whoever that may be. It is not my responsibility to find someone to replace me and it is not my responsibility if no one claims it. I say that with a hint of guilt, but honestly I need to learn that saying No (and I have said this countless times to myself and as advise to others) is OK! Life goes on, things still get done and I will never regret my choice to let go.

Reshuffling my priorities feels great! I am ready and I am grateful for the experiences that I have had which I have developed additions to my resume called life.

People are happy if they can do what they think is right without feeling guilty. – Romans 14:22

Perfectly Imperfect

Happy New Year Everyone! I have had a lot of thoughts in my head and just haven't had the time or the organization to write them down. So now that I do... here you go!
Post 1 of 2019.
If you are a mom like me, I don't tend to be in a lot of photos.... the reasoning is two-fold, I am very critical of myself and I am usually the one taking all the photos. I am not a huge selfie taker, although I have been known to try. I don't have the right angle most of the time and I am not techy enough to figure out filters. But then again, is using a filter really showing the real me?!
Just to be silly I took a selfie in my bedroom Christmas morning with an unmade bed, messy bed head, glasses and leftover Christmas Eve Makeup-  I posted this photo amongst 30 other photos of Christmas- definitely not my most favorite photo, but there was something I did like about it... but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Would I make it my profile picture.... probably not unless there was some sort of temporary au-nautral challenge. hahaha.. Never did I think out of 30 photos posted, stuck somewhere in the middle  it would  be the one that got the most likes and attention. Very unexpected.
When I was a kid I was a total HAM! I loved the camera, I loved to smile, I loved to be silly. I still love to smile, but not when a camera is shoved in my face!
With age and I am sure this is like most people, our life experiences, media, others opinions of us or what we think we should look like, act like and perform like, harden, we loose that sense of freedom and self confidence and some of us develop camera shyness! Whether it be aging, wrinkles, gaining weight, life tradgedies, some sadness behind our eyes,not enough sleep or just being very skeptical, critical or wanting to avoid some sort of judgement! We practice this camera shyness more often than we need to!
Do I need to be so critical of myself, probably not! I am my own worst critic and I am sure that others are not judging me to the extent that I judge myself. I need to relax more, smile more, enjoy more and find that inner HAM that once was and tune into her joy, happiness, fun and just go with life's flow. Accept the things I can't change, age with grace - take care of my body, love myself.... and on and on.
I was recently asked to be part of a promotional video for Paladin Sports... My first idea was to say I was busy. I don't really feel comfortable being in front of the camera, I immediately think I am not as beautiful as the of the other ladies asked - and I remembered that God sees all of our beauty... it isn't always on the outside at first glance, but shines on the outside when we reflect our inner beauty.
I know in my heart I am beautiful, kind, loving, caring, considerate- I try to put everyone else first, I am beautiful by God's mercy and grace and that does reflect on my outside but seems to crawl in a shell like our tortoise Mario when I am asked to show it!  I may not have the perfect body the perfect hair the perfect skin- but I am perfectly imperfect.... and that is ok. It is what makes me unique and should make me love myself even more.
My goal for 2019 is to enjoy more camera time, make more memories, smile behind my eyes and not just for a pose. To be happier to just be me. If more of us were happy with ourselves the way we are we wouldn't lose so much time being unhappy trying to be like someone else who God never intended us to be.
I am kind I am loving, I am caring and considerate.. .these are all traits of me to other people, I need to practice more of these traits with myself. I am going to start by making a poster collage of 10-12 pictures that I like of me- ones that make me smile immediately just like the photo-something to look at and reflect on everyday... a way to remind me to smile, to find that inner child, inner happiness and reflect it in my eyes, in my smile and in my reflection on a daily basis, through the good and evil, the easy and the hard days.
Take time today to write down your goals, to write down your best features and to take a little more of your kid self and re-create it! If you need a constant reminder like I do- make a visual boost for yourself. You will be glad you did. Afterall you are made in the image and likeness of God himself... who are we to question that!

Actually, no one is perfect – apart from Jesus. But God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son to die for us (John 3:16). Therefore God must love imperfect people. In fact, ‘While we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8).