Christmas Spirit

The holidays are suppose to be about uplifting others, doing good, appreciating what we have, being thankful for the Reason for the Season and so on. The gifts and festivities are a bonus! So many people that I have come into contact with in the last few weeks, just expect this time to be hard for us, a time of sorrow, sadness and hurt. I am not above thinking that this year will be different, that memories and the lack of new ones being made with the ones we love will not hurt... they will for sure. I am just saying that it doesn't have to be the focus of the season for me or anyone going through any loss or trauma or difference in their holiday routine. 

Death is a part of life and while it hurts those of us left behind because of the deep love we had for the person, it doesn't mean that is what we have to concentrate on. Instead of concentrating on the lack of, we can truly find what we will miss most about that person or persons and truly celebrate those things! 

Embrace the good, make new memories, bask in the love of those around you, be a do-gooder for someone else who is struggling, do random acts of kindness. Do things that make you feel good, let go of things that don't if they are out of obligation. So many have said to me that I don't need to do things if they are too stressful or hard, and I agree. But I do need to do the things that make me feel alive, vibrant, and connected. I am a positive person with a lot of love to give. This year shouldn't be any different for me in that aspect! Spreading joy, love and hope is something I have always been good at. This isn't something that I feel like I can disregard this year, because it makes me happy and I deserve to have happiness no matter what is going on around me.  I want to instill in my son that life still goes on, we are still here, we deserve to be happy and laugh and feel joy despite our heartache. His dad would never expect our lives our hobbies or our happiness to stop. I am no stranger to death and although this loss seems the most significant for me over any other that I have had, I believe God has my back and I can do anything with his guidance. 

To my family and friends who want to know what to do for us this holiday season, please don't feel sorry for us, don't create an unhappy moment that doesn't need to exist.  This doesn't mean we don't have these moments, we do but they don't need to be  made just recognized. 

Do treat us like you normally would when Steve was still here, empathy is great but too much emphasis on what we lack instead of what we have can bring us down, especially if we are having a good day already, we are still here and want to celebrate the Reason for the Season, the lights, the fun, the joy and magic Christmas truly has to offer. If you want ask us to do something fun, or just make us genuinely laugh, bring us joy and love and fun...this is what we need.  You are a huge part of helping us heal our broken hearts, I believe your heart after loss will never truly fuse back together with a straight line but you can get as close to that as possible. Have you ever dropped something and had to glue it back together? It will never line up exactly the same, but with time, patience, and care when you are gluing and holding it you can get as close as possible. 

Make sure if you are grieving you are not concentrating on the people who aren’t here so much that you neglect those who still are. 

May you all feel the love of Christ this Christmas, the Peace of His promise and the Hope for your future.