Disclaimer: I have blogged since 2010 so I am no stranger to writing my thoughts for others to read, so those of you new to the game of reading what I write, it is always current to what is going on in my life and what I am thinking at the time, but may not always follow my journey of grief.
At the skating rink my biggest observation of the night was all the teenage girls who pay $15, put on skates get on the ice have no idea what they’re doing take selfie‘s and Tick Tock videos in their skimpy outfits. I am not saying they don't look cute and I’m not saying that figure skaters that skate professionally don’t have cute outfits but these girls are also not competing for metals, and there were definitely no boys their age of interest there they were trying to impress. With social media these days, you don't have to be in the presence of the same location to attract the opposite sex. They stay for about 30 minutes taking sexy provocative "fun" photos over and over while everyone skates around them and then leave.
My now current more often random thought process where I have lots more time to reflect on things in my life has led me to try to remember what I did between the ages of 14 and 18 years old. I grew up in a time without social media. I had a pager in high school where you actually had to find a phone to call the other person to find out what they wanted. Cell phones were not as accessible to the majority as they are now. The biggest pressure we had was pictures of girls in teen magazine, being dropped off at that mall by a parent to shop for a few hours, the quality of clothes that our friends had compared to ourselves and keeping up with the latest styles from Saved by the Bell or 90210.
Not that I’m NOT worried about raising a teenage boy in this society but I am so glad that I don’t have girls. And so far my little dude is pretty content being who he is and doesn't care what other people think. I was a girl and I know how hard it is for girls to want to feel accepted, wanted, and even loved at that age. With all the in your face social media whether it’s true or not they are being bombarded with images of girls with perfect photos, flawless faces from all the filters that are available, and news of statuses and quotas that they feel they have to meet based off what everyone else is posting.
In my day you actually had to take a picture and wait until it came back from the drugstore developed to see what it is that you looked like during a particular moment or memory you wanted to have. I have boxes of plenty of awful, blurry, double chins, and cut off photos of people and things I did to prove it. These girls have the ability to change how they look in an instant. Confession I have retaken a lot of photos in the digital age to get one I like.. (maybe not using a filter, I don't even know how to do that, but several "takes" to be happy with my appearance before posting) I am a girl remember so yes, I do have the same issues with image being important but who wouldn't want to make themselves look good and feel good doing it...but it isn't something I do on a regular basis.
These teenage girls today in my observation are obsessed with this. I get it, there are so many pressures but what I am saying is that they seem to put way too much emphasis on what they look like, how they present themselves online and what everyone else thinks, comments or says about them, to the extent that I feel a lot of them don't have any other hobbies or interests at times, or so it seems. Their lives are filled with chaos, trying to find themselves, fit in, be liked and so on now! Their issues, problems and anxieties are real to them so make sure to embrace their concerns rather than brush them off as not important- at a later date you may be grateful you did.
I would say I was definitely all around popular in school, in the fact that I was diverse in my activities, I was at the top of my graduating class, I was on a spell bowl team, I played the flute in the band, I played tennis and was part of a swim club, a class officer and student council president. (making that list maybe a little geeky too! LOL) I knew and could get along with just about everyone. I did however lack that attention that most teenage girls are looking for which comes from boys. Most all my girl friends had boyfriends but I just didn't stand out in that realm. I had lots of friends that were boys and I do recollect that I was probably sad and jealous at times, but honestly I cannot really remember that much about it, because now it doesn't matter. I remember one of the guys that I liked in high school I asked years later, on Facebook messenger I think, and he mentioned that most of the boys were intimidated by my personality, intelligence and grace and no one wanted to mess with that. I took it as a compliment now, but back then I am sure I wouldn't have understood the value as I do now.
I don't envy these girls at all, I am grateful I am not having to raise one during this digital period and I really give Kudos to those who are! Good luck to you moms and dads out there struggling with this. I can't even being to tell you how to cope, except to try to get to know your daughter's personality and what her needs are and how she ticks so that you can have the reactions and responses you need to help her through it. And I will try my best on my end to raise a respectable, caring, loving son who they may date!
If I could share one thing that I wished would be able to instill on these girls would be that high school really doesn't matter. It is so hard at that age to believe that though. Most kids are living in the moment, which is what some of us adults need to practice more sometimes as well. Be in the moment, but don't put so much stake in it. To be completely honest most high school relationships though at the time seem life changing do not follow you into adulthood, (there are always exceptions to this) so the fact that I didn't have all the attention then didn't really hold me back from creating what I wanted for my future.
What you do with your life after is what will make the most impact on whether you view your future as successful or not. And only you can control and determine what success looks like to you. Everyone of us measures this differently so comparing yourself in high school or even now is what you perceive your life should look like, but may not be what your highest potential is by following your heart. I wouldn't trade my life now to go back and be the most popular, prettiest, boy catching teen... because despite losing a bunch of people around me I love... I love the life I have created for myself and maybe it was in part to everything I endured, but it led me to the hard working, value keeping, loving, people serving, caring, loyal and successful person that I have become as an adult and was worth the journey the wait. And only I can measure this, as can they.
Let us as adults strive to keep in mind the importance most girls place on appearance and always find something to compliment them about physically, while also finding all the other qualities they possess that are far greater and will take them a lot further in their life then their hairstyles, body style, fingernails, outfit choices and social media posts that they make. Be as good of an example as you can not to let your social media posts only reflect the perfection you have created for yourself as theirs will tend to follow. Having a good self image is definitely hard sometimes but important to our mental health as well as the example we are setting for those to follow. Learn to love the things about you that others do. We are often our own worst critics.
You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139
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