So I ate my orange yesterday, charred, peeled and topped with brown sugar and cinnamon. The taste wasn't awful, but I don't think I would eat something with that texture ever again...I wanted to gag with every bite. The stringy dryness was a lot to take in. So far it hasn't helped bring back my smell anymore than I have gotten so far. My friend said it took a couple days for him. The smell of cinnamon was super strong while I was eating it but that was about all I could smell, so I am hopeful it activated something!
Yesterday was a much better day than the previous. We still had our challenges, especially getting frustrated at certain things, but we made it. I actually made it the whole day only tearing up once talking to an old friend... a first for me. I woke up this morning and the crying arrived so don't get too excited for me... lol. I just know this will all take time and I am praying for patience and guidance each day, several times a day.
Talking to my friend last night I was telling him about an idea I had based off of an exercise our parents used to do. I have written about this before but if you are new to my blog you may not know. They were part of a group called Marriage Encounter, where people would spend the weekend at retreats to enrich their marriage. Both sets of our parents were heavily involved and would be presenters to other married couples during these weekends. One of the take away exercises that my parents did was to "dialog" several times a week regarding anything going on in their life or marriage. It was a time for them to pose a question, take time to write about it and then exchange, read each other's thoughts, process what they read and discuss their "answers" with one another. This was designed to eliminate the lashing out and defensive factors that often arise when couples argue or verbally combat the other person's feelings when discussing household issues, problems or goals. Steve and I actually did this once or twice but he really wasn't a writer so it never stuck. When my mom passed I burned several boxes of notebooks that they had collected over the years. She saved them, I tossed them because they were intimate to them and I wasn't about to go snooping around in that.
Being in tune with Paxton I am able to see the stuff that is working and not working for him as he grieves. This is super important to his future development at this age. There are things that will trigger his bad side and things that will make him more empathetic and loving in the future. It is my goal to help shape him into his adult self one trial and error at a time.
I had bought Paxton a journal to be able to write down his feelings when he needs to to get them out of his head, or write a letter to his dad if he wants. It is pretty blank so far. A few days ago I had the idea that if he and I could take a few times a week to sit down together and pick a subject, like what things will you miss most now that your dad is gone or what things are you grateful for that dad has taught you, or what things are you grateful for that your dad did to make our future lives easier...or what things that your dad taught you will be most helpful to your future self... I can do this exercise too to get my thoughts out as well. This would look a little different for us not being a married couple because I feel some of the answers are not shareworthy because they may be too personal or intimate at times. Therefore this would be an exercise we don't exchange, or read each others, maybe we can discuss how getting it out made us feel.
I know the last 3+ months Paxton has had no issues expressing every little thought he has going in his mind verbally, getting him to write it down might be too much. Like his dad he isn't much of a writer, last night my friend suggested I should get him an app for his phone where he can verbally record his thoughts and play them back later if that is something that would work better for him. During our 10-15 mins of our exercise time he can go in his room and record his thoughts while I write, or if he wants to record them in front of me that is ok too. Maybe these exercises will work, maybe they will not, but it is worth a try. We all process things differently and coming up with ways that will help us seems worth every idea we can imagine.
Paxton told me last night about the vivid dreams he has with his dad in them and they are so detailed that if he can record these and play them back years down the road he will always have memories of how his dad made him feel that could never be erased with time or age.
Everyone of us responds differently to situations and people. All of us have different gifts to offer that make us unique. If something isn't working in your household or marriage, don't be afraid to try something else. Just because it works for one family doesn't mean it will yours. Remember to tune into how others want to be treated, not how you want to treat them in order to get the most effective response you can get. I am lucky that I have one kid to figure out. Some of you that have multiples, good luck to you, but if you can treat them as individuals, how they respond the way you want them to, it will make all the difference in your parenting I guarantee it. I am not saying give into them for everything they want, just take the time to figure out how to listen to their needs and respond accordingly.
Romans 12: 6-8 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.
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