Vitamin D

 

Some days are hectic, some days are overwhelmingly sad, some days are full of energy and excitement for the things I am hopeful for and gaining back an ounce of the person I once was, some days I am just numb. Some days are for self discovery, others are full of anxiety, heartache, pain and I am crazy emotional, some days like yesterday there was a good mix of all of it... Welcome to my roller coaster, please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, you can not anticipate the timing of the next sharp turn.

Paxton has been asking me to turn my office (junk room) into a "teen room" like his aunts. Where him and his friends can hang out with an actual couch instead of them all piling on his bed in his room. I think this is a great idea. Plus if we get a sleeper sofa, I can have more of my family visit at a time without worry to where they will sleep. He is determined to get this room cleaned out, painted, carpeted (it has been a concrete floor for 2 years since we carpeted the other bedrooms because I wasn't sure if I wanted carpet or tile). He is looking forward to making it his own, picking stuff out for it and decorating.  It like me with my household projects I am looking forward to that have always been on my list of "to do's" since we moved here, is giving him something he can control as well as something to look forward to and something to occupy our thoughts. Right now, this is the hope we have for the future. Enjoying the things we can do and can make better. With this project comes a lot of organization and finding places for the "junk" to go. 

My niece has been coming to help and we are actually having a lot of fun and laughs in the process. We will probably need a dumpster for a lot of this stuff. (seriously where does all this stuff we collect come from and most of all why do we save so much!) To be honest I found a baggie full of odds and ends, from keys, to screws, nuts, bolts and some stuff that I didn't know what it even was. I contemplated looking through each thing and then decided if I haven't needed any of it thus far I didn't need it. And threw the whole bag in the trash can! 

I have already made 1 trip to Goodwill and anticipate quite a few more. When you start organizing better it takes you to the next room which leads you to feel like you need to work there too! Simplify is my new motto. If I can eliminate what we don't need, place things into spaces where things I do need are convenient to find... my life will get just a little easier. 

Now to tackle Steve's garage so that I can actually find things. This does seem a bit overwhelming. You would have thought as meticulous as he was with projects and the length he went to to make them as flawless as possible he would have been more organized... Maybe he just knew where everything was, or maybe we have doubles and triples of lots of things because he re-bought stuff we have because he didn't know we had it! In any case I look forward to the day when I can declutter and simplify my life just a little to lighten the load and live with less stuff on my plate. 

For now this is what makes me happy. It is the little things and the one hour at a time therapy and grace I am allowing myself to get to a better place, not to get over or through this pain, that I never will, but to live my new life the most effective and best way I know how for our situation and needs for our future.

So yesterday in the middle of the day on Thursday I decided that Vitamin D Therapy is what I needed and I relaxed, listened to music, ignored my phone, and tried to be still my mind for about an hour and 1/2. I am truly grateful for the design talent and the vision Steve had and the oasis he left behind for me and Pax. 

And the journey continues, one step at a time. 

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. 

“Be still' means to stop striving, stop fighting, relax. It also means to “put your hands down”. Sometimes we put our hands up to defend ourselves from all that life can bring our way...